Tonight I had the privelidge of videoing the wedding of a friend. She's a very sweet girl who has never been mean to anyone. I worked with her at In N Out and spent several months second to her in customer comments. It was aggrivating only because she was such a wonderful person, and it is hard not to like her. She was just a naive 16 year old girl then, but she's grown into a woman now.
As I met her husband, a man lf 6'5" and 280lbs, he made me feel like the petite 4'11" friend of mine would be safe forever. His gentle and kind demeanor was reassuring. As was the first marraige-related question he asked me.
"Does it really change? Everyone is telling me that marriage changes everything." I told him yes, it does. And at the same time, no.
I love my wife more, at 4 AM, as she sits sulking over sexism, than I did the day I said "I do." However, if you had said so then, I would have laughed. How could I love her more than now? But every new momoent, every new oppertunity, I love her more. And I only realized that during our last argument. It was one of those where no one can win. Whether or not one of us was right, being wrong wasn't the thing upsetting us. It was simply the fact that we were arguing. I wanted to scream at her. And then, out of nowhere, I stopped and just looked at her. Even though she stared daggers at me, I wanted to take her and hold her.
Disconcerting though it may be, it was reassuring. We are barely into our second year of this, and we've spent 14 of our 15 months together with a baby in tow. And through it all, we've learned, grown, and loved. You never know how much you love someone until you realize how little about them you like. Her sometimes outrageous moods used to be endearing. Now they are just annoying. I at one time loved how driven she was. Now I wish she would slow down. But even with all the annoyances and times when she is downright intollerable, I love her. And I am encouraged when I think of the time we have together to get through these things.
We are both blessed to come from families with long-lasting relationships. My dad's parents and grand-parents both reached 50+ years of marriage, and my parents just his 25. Her parents are still together, and her grandmother was widowed twice. We understand that marriage is lasting. I am excited that my co-pilot on this adventure is her. What would I have done if not for her, I don't quite want to fathom.
Marriage is an adventure, it's true. But it's not like in the movies where there is a thrilling chase through the streets of Cairo and then the dashing hero saves the day and the heroin finds some secret clue, then they get lost and ambushed and then the hero fights off the ancient army and the heroin finds the sercret city of gold. No, this one has a hero who wisks his bride off to pick up lettuce and curry powder for dinner, then watches TV while emptying the dishwasher as the heroin whips together a meal for them, and then they get in an argument about who last changed the baby's poopy diaper while the young child smears ranch dressing all over the livingroom floor.
And, despite the lack of thrills, I find this life quite fulfilling. Possibly because the best part of every adventure is the end, when they have settled down and she's opened her scooter rental shop in a quiet village and he comes to live out his days with her.
That's about all I can think on about marriage right now. Oh, that and that sex is awesome. I love it.
Peace out.
das Fowler
