I have a hard time accepting blessing. I know that it sounds insane,
but it’s true. I would rather scramble around for loose change that
falls from the pocket of God then to accept the check he hands me. I
would rather work and strive and pour myself into what happens then to
step back and let God do it.
Basically, I like control. I am like
the puppeteer who kidnaps Pinocchio. Though the blessing made by God
stands and moves on its own, I want to throw strings on it. I want to
make it move and walk according to my own will. I want to make it look
like it was me who planned this great thing in my life.

But,
when it fails, I blame God. I say, “I guess it wasn’t God’s will for my
life…” The whole time I fail to realize that the reason it failed is
because I tried to take control. I put too much of me into it and
basically told God I wanted control. So God let me have it.

I am
a prideful person. I overflow with it. I love to boast in what I
succeed in and love for people to think I am humble and holy when I
say, “God said no and I agree with God” when it all falls down. I like
to be looked up to.

Paul wrote, "Let the one who boasts, boast
in the Lord." I had always read this as “don’t boast at all.” But,
recently, I am starting to rethink this stance. It is more along the
lines “Don’t boast and give yourself glory. Instead, boast about God
and bring all the glory back to him.” And, of course, this all goes
along with me not wanting to accept blessings.

Basically, God
hates for me to act like dog, sniffing around his table for scraps.
When I do that, I give him no glory. Rather, he wishes for me to sit at
the table and partake in his meal. Then he wants me to make it clear
that he fed me. God wants me to make it clear where my blessings come
from.