The last 6 months have been the hardest of my life. Now I know my title is a little bit over-dramatic, but I think it's accurate. There's nothing worse than realizing that I still feel like I'm not good enough to be a Pastor of Worship. I go into to my weekly meetings with my Senior Pastor expecting to be wrecked due to my terrible skills or choices for the previous service.

I am so bummed to confess that I am afraid of failing and have terrible self esteem. What's funny is that most people think I am pretty confident and sometimes border on cocky. It's been a coping mechanism that I have used for years. It shows up my desire to "share" everytime people are talking. Sometimes it's a genuine desire to engage in the conversation, but more often than not, it's just to seek validation.

Worst of all, I see how it affects my relationships. I think my life phrase right now is, "Be slow to speak and quick to listen...."

Either way, I rest in the arms of my creator and pray that he will help me find my identity in Him....