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…”It all belongs to you! I know, my God, that you examine our hearts and rejoice when you find integrity there” (1 Chronicles 29:16b-17).

Last night, I watched Frank on The Bachelorette break Ali’s heart. Whether it was staged, scripted or the truth–what he did to her sucks. Total douche.

Which got me to think. I am Frank. Insecure. Selfish. Emotional. Easily persuaded. Full of regret. Feelings.

I wish I had the guts to break up with my last job sooner than I did. Let’s be honest. I was scared to death of losing the one job that meant the world to me. The opportunities it afforded me were priceless.

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Many of you were interested in what I shared at the conference last week, so below are my talk notes. (For copyright reasons, please email me for permissions if you intend to use any of these contents for further use.)

I. Intro
Facebook status responses

II. Prepare ye the Way
The entirety of Scripture points to marriage, and God’s heart for pursuit, love, rescue and ultimately, Union with Him. What though, does this mean for us as singles? And as single women in positions of leadership, how do we treat our ministries and singleness accordingly?

Yes, I'm a woman; yes, I'm single, and yes, I’m in ministry. And all three affect the other. As much as being a husband affects someone, or being a mother, or being a star athlete or a math whiz, or even left-handed. All adjectives affect our day to day identity, but they don't it. I am all three and yet beyond all three.

Jesus said, “You [and the Greek here means all of you, male and female, single and hitched] are my witnesses. You are the salt of the earth. You are the light of the world." Thus, married and single alike, your ministry on earth is to abide in my eternal commitment of love to you and thus, shine my radiance accordingly.

For married and singles alike, our ongoing call is to stay awake to, receive and PREPARE from and for these eternal aspects of marriage. Though marriage is the norm for most, not all of us will receive that gift, but we’re still called to “prepare.”

“Problems in marriage are always the result of self-centeredness,” writes Douglas Wilson in Her Hand in Marriage. “So the time a person spends when he is single should be time spent in preparation for marriage. This is important even if he never gets married. This is because biblical preparation for marriage is nothing more than learning to follow Jesus Christ and love one’s neighbor. In other words, preparation for Christian marriage is basically the same as preparation for Christian living. Christians are to prepare for marriage by learning self-denial, subduing their pride, and putting their neighbor first. Once they learn to love God and love their neighbor, they are prepared to enter into the covenant of marriage with one of their neighbors.”

II: Treasure
At the heart of preparation is identifying your treasure(s).

For where your Treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matt 6:21/Luke 12:34)

Like the rudder on a ship. Where it is pointed is where the ship will go. So many times little "g" gods creep in and steal my treasure-focus, and the direction of my life starts veering to the right or left, ultimately barging out the One True Treasure if we aren't careful to judge our heart's Treasure. Getting a guy, getting married, getting attention, work, people pleasing, success, getting in shape, …. Not bad things in and of themselves, but when they’re our treasure—the rock on our left ring finger, steering our attentions, we’re cheapening our worth and the worth of our True Treasure (more beautiful than diamonds, more costly than gold...

For some our treasure leans more on the singleness and “I wanna be married” side of things, while for others “building the Kingdom of our ministries.” For all though, even those who are married, where our hearts are today and what are our hearts are treasuring, is the trajectory from which the entirety of the rest of our lives will flow. Whether married, single, living in Singapore, or studying in college, at our core, we’re all daughters…women designed by God…humans, designed for a Lover and with need for a Savior.

III: Treasuring Truth : Cultivating Christly Preparation

A heart of uniqueness versus equality (toward both women and men)

Envy/judgment/comparison with other women: Comparing ourselves with other women… (James 3:13-4:3)

Men and women are like apples and oranges—both fruit, each unique in taste, role, design…

*“There are diversities of operations, but the same Spirit. There are varieties of personalities, but all are made in the image of God. As a woman I find clear guidance in Scripture about my position in church … I started my missionary work as a single woman with three other single women. There was no church, there were no believers, and there were no male missionaries. Later I was a wife and had to rearrange certain priorities in accordance with what I understood to be my job as a wife, as a coworker with my husband in the field and later as a mother. When my husband was killed by Indians, I found myself in some indefinable positions. There wasn't one missionary man left in Ecuador who spoke the jungle Quichua language. There was no one to teach the young Quichua believers, no one to lead the church, no one but women to carry on where five missionary men had left off. The door to the Auca tribe had slammed shut for those men and was, to our astonishment, opened to two women. It didn't look to me like a woman's job. But God's categories are not always ours. I had to shuffle my categories many times during my last eight years of missionary work. Since coming back to the States I've done it again. I've had a career of sorts, I've been a wife and housewife once more, and again I'm a widow. But it is the same faithful Lord who calls me by name and never loses track of my goings and reminds me in a still, small voice, "Ye are my witnesses, that ye might know and believe me, and understand that I am he." (Is. 43:10).” -Elizabeth Elliott

Resources:
*”Captivating”: Stacy Eldridge
*“Biblical Manhood and Womanhood”: John Piper (academic, more technical)

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I 'm prepping for a talk on “Single Women in Ministry” and would love your feedback. What comes to mind when you hear that phrase? Who/what (if anything) has been meaningful to you toward feeling included in the church, or complete in your identity as a single? (Marrieds and men with feedback, feel free to pipe-in!)

I grew up before women in ministry were a popular trend. I'm not sure it's taken off quite yet, but it is more "in" now than it was 15 years ago. Sure the pastors' wives were around a bit. I even had coffee with them on occasion, but in terms of teaching, I was not formally taught by women in the church. When I left for college, other than my mother, I did not have a strong feminine mentoring presence in my life.

Halfway through college I discovered Anne Lamott. For maybe the first time in my life I learned what honesty was in the form of her short anecdotal stories. She was humorous, crass, vulnerable, and real. I gobbled up every book of hers on the market and over the past five years have been to every venue she has spoken at in Los Angeles County. 

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Last night, one my closest friends officially became a pastor.

  The elders, pastors, and leaders of our church were on hand to ordain Lynne and testify in public that she had gone above and beyond all the requirements necessary to earn the title. She has faithfully run our missions programs for 7 years, mentored countless people, taught classes and Bible studies, and, oh yeah, she just completed her Doctorate degree. 

In truth, Lynne has been one of the most caring, qualified, passionate pastors I have ever met, for the last 25 years. Working in a variety of ministry settings, she has consistently labored to show people Jesus, to bring freedom from oppression and justice to the poor. She has sat in meetings, often the only woman present, and used her God given gifts of leadership in spite of the belief of some that women shouldn’t have a place at the table.

  Nothing much will change about the way she ministers, now that the name plaque on her door can officially read “Pastor Lynne Ellis.” She’s always given it her all, regardless of the fact that the title was previously unavailable to her simply because of her gender. She ministered with passion and a fierce love of Jesus Christ because she understood that the calling on her life was from God, whether validated by an institution or not.

But, last night, with scores of friends, family, and church members in attendance, Lynne’s years of service were validated. My husband is the Lead Pastor at our church and, as he prayed over her, I wept.  I wept because I was proud of my friend. I wept for the young women watching who witnessed a ceiling being blasted out of their lives.  I wept for the old women watching who, while sighing deeply, had something healed in their hearts. And , I wept because I’m proud of my husband, who strongly, publicly, believes in women in leadership in the church.

My daughter (9) and Lynne’s daughter (4) sat together watching the service and cheering for Lynne. The girls stared up at Lynne, faces proud and smiling, totally unaware of what an historic day they were witnessing.  To them, Lynne has always been a pastor.  My son, Caleb, took in the scene as well, asking, “Mom, why are you crying?” I responded,  “Because, buddy, I think Lynne does a really good job.”  “Oh,” he said. “Cool.”

Lynne’s ordination is an important milestone for her but even more so for women in general. Her ordination repeals a cultural limitation and announces that women are valuable, that they can be leaders, and that God uses them in powerful ways. It also counters some misguided theology of several churches in our community here in the Northwest.

One male leader in particular frequently clarifies that the target of their ministries, the very reason they exist, is to reach lost men. He rails against a “chickified” church and insists Jesus would have spent his Saturdays watching football and drinking beer. I understand that men in Seattle need Jesus. I get it. 

But, so do women.

As a woman who happened to be born with leadership skills, I feel hurt by this rhetoric, excluded and marginalized by it. It pains me to realize that in this particular church community, my gifts would not be valued or utilized to their fullest extent.

With Lynne’s ordination, I believe the message both men and women in our congregation and in the larger community will receive is this: There is a place for women at the table. Women are an essential part of our target audience. Jesus died for them, saves them, and empowers them with his Spirit to change the world. No ceilings. No limitations. Only freedom.