It's common knowledge that fashion magazines touch up photographs of models. If this is news to you, I'm sorry to have to break this to you; the faces you see on covers of magazines in the check-out counter at the grocery store are no more real than cartoon characters. Jennifer Anniston really isn't that thin. The Kardashian cheekbones don't look like that in real life. Images in fashion magazines are conjured by artists, manipulated and carefully sculpted to deliver a message - mainly that you will never look like this but, you should try as hard you can to.

The process a model goes through to be deemed photographable and the subsequent manipulation of the photograph are well documented in this video that Dove did as part of it's Campaign for Real Beauty several years ago.

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I know how to be assertive in business; I don't know how to be responsive (not initiate) in relationships :(

It started off as a tweet. In my quiet time my thoughts grew louder until it made its way onto the page.

Here is my late night confession...

I can't ruin it and it's not [already] too late. Jesus please forgive me for thinking that You're not above or bigger than me and my problems. Seriously ridiculous.

The Lord always keeps his promises; he is gracious in all he does. The Lord helps the fallen and he lifts those bent beanth their loads. When you open your hand, you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in everything he does, he is filled with kindness. The Lord is close to all who call on him in truth. He grants the desires of those who fear him, he hears their cries for help and rescues them (Psalm 145:13-14, 16-19, NLT).

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[This originally appeared on the Mars Hill Church blog]

I was originally assigned the task of looking at advice on how to be a man from a men’s magazine. Problem is, there wasn't any.

Esquire's June/July 2010 issue was called How to Be a Man. Appropriate. With a title that declarative and a tagline of “Man at His Best,” I was anxious to comb through it to see what they had to say about manhood. With a base circulation of 700,000 and competition like GQ, Maxim, and Details, Esquire is arguably one of the largest and most influential men’s magazines in the world. They've got to know what they're talking about, right? Esquire’s website describes their audience as "the affluent and successful man." Should be exactly what I'm shooting for here.

With Irony As Our Guide

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(this is part 3 of 5 of a series dealing with leadership in an interconnected world)

In the last post, I discussed the power of words and the legacy that our words can leave behind. The example being, Thomas Jefferson, whose words have transformed our country and have often been the envy of other nations. In this piece, part of leading in the 21st century will not only be linked to skills, but also to a sense of timing as well as self awareness. And here, the example for me is Rosa Parks because she linked both timing and self awareness.

Parker Palmer in his book Let Your Life Speak speaks of Rosa Parks in the following terms:

"Rosa Parks sat down because she had reached a point where it was essential to embrace her true vocation -- not as someone who would reshape our society but as someone who would live out her full self in the world. She decided, "I will no longer act on the outside in a way that contradicts the truth that I hold deeply on the inside. I will no longer act as if I were less than the whole person I know myself inwardly to be."

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This is an ongoing conversation. To read the first parts, click here.

As I’ve been processing this “manhood” deal within the Hip Hop context, I’m left wondering, who does this generation look up to? In a knee-jerk reactionary statement one might say, “These rappers.” But is that the whole scene? Let’s break this down a little more. When a young boy is growing up, he receives many different messages about manhood. Manhood, for him, doesn’t start at 18, it starts the moment he comes out of the womb.

For many urban boys, manhood messages come in the form of people telling you to “get up and take it like a man” after you’ve just fallen off a bike at age 3. Manhood message come in the form of your family pulling back on the physical and emotional support that is so needed around the age of 4-5 because they fear it will make him too “girly” and not into a man enough “man.” Manhood messages come in the form of your friends telling you to “suck it up” when something bad happens to you—like the death of a relative. Manhood messages come in the form of “firm handshakes” instead of hugs. Manhood messages come in the form of being told the only sports for “real men” are football and or basketball. Manhood messages come in the form of older men—a lot of times uncles and or fathers—giving you hard alcohol at a young age to “teach you” how to be a “man.” Manhood messages come in the form of friends and certain family members telling you that in order to “be a man sexually” you have to have multiple sex partners and “don’t love them ho’s.” Manhood message start when you see men in the media using the gun as symbol of manhood and a sign of respect. Manhood messages come in the form of love being expressed to you, typically around the age of 3, as distant, alone, remote, internalizing, and “sissy” if expressed to openly.

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Last week, I posted about a new law in Afghanistan that severely restricts the rights of Shia women, stripping them of the ability to ever say no to sexual intimacy with their husbands. The law also required women to obtain permission from a male relative to work, to attend school, or to simply leave the home at all. Finally, the law compels women to put on make-up or dress up at the whim of their husbands. 

~If video doesn't work, copy and paste this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY&feature=related

I woke up yesterday to a news report that women are buying more make-up than ever before.  I lay there and thought, "Man, I already woke up on the wrong side of the bed and I haven't even pushed the covers back yet!"  As I grabbed my morning coffee and my brain began to function again, I pondered this study more.  Why are women buying more make-up than ever?  Then my husband told me to go watch Susan Boyle on you tube...  (see clip above if you haven't already).....

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We all remember the stories that emerged soon after the Taliban regime in Afghanistan was removed from power. Women forced to wear burqas, unable to leave their homes unless escorted by a male relative. Women denied basic health care, even anesthetic for c-sections. Young girls forbidden to attend school.

Conversely, a photographic essay published a year after US troops came to Afghanistan loudly intimated, "THESE WOMEN ARE NOW FREE." I distinctly remember seeing photographs of Afghan women wearing high heels and makeup in TIME magazine. Somehow, the spikes and eye shadow were supposed to convince the world that equal rights had arrived to the country.

Today's news, then, was nothing short of distressing. Today, a law was passed in Afghanistan that gives husbands express permission to essentially rape their wives. Consent on the part of the wife was deemed unnecessary. Originally crafted to give the Shiite community it's own freedoms and identity, the clause on permissible, state sanctioned rape is drawing international scrutiny. 

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