Waiting

I remember the crisp, fall afternoon like it was yesterday. With about a year’s worth of God-following under my belt, I was proudly sharing about my newfound faith with a man I’d looked-up to for a long time. Even as a less than religious teenager, I’d always admired when this former teacher and coach told me, “Wait for it, Abbie. That is of the best gifts you can offer God and yourself and the man you marry. Be patient,” he’d say. The theological reasoning here wasn’t the compelling part, but rather, it was this man’s pursuit of something worth living for, or waiting for. In a matter of moments, however, my stained glass window of him shattered.

I giddily explained how I understood and agreed with his thoughts on “waiting” now, and that such abstinence had actually grown as something of an endearment to me. He didn’t respond much at first, but stared at me with this drawn-out, almost condescending grin. It was like my nineteen-year-old passion had been squashed into the conscience of a nine-month-old who spilled her milk. Without any words being communicated, I felt like I’d done something wrong, or stupid, or worth punishment? It was like I’d just shared the stupidest idea on earth? But wait a minute, this was the man who encouraged me, and drew me, in so many ways, toward the idea of waiting for sex until marriage?

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Waiting

We’ve spent the better part of the last month making copies of our birth certificates, getting physicals, being interviewed by social workers, and installing more smoke alarms. We’ve filled out questionnaires about parenting, watched hours of training on trans-racial adoption, read books on attachment, given over our 3 years of tax forms, and prayed a lot. Finally, after many trips to the notary and the post office, I’m happy to report we have finally mailed off all our official adoption documents.

People keep asking me what our timeline is, when our son will be home. It’s absolutely maddening that I have to answer truthfully, “I don’t know.” The process is out of our hands and in the hands of 2 government bureaucracies. Every day when the mail truck arrives (at precisely 3:22pm) I bolt outside to get it, hoping there will be some receipt or communication that will advance us to the next step.

nine woes...part 5

woe to those who squander today straining toward tomorrow: will we savor this gift called time? (continued)

An unexpected--but delicious--venue for a spiritual lesson: join me two decades ago at my first Chinese banquet in Hong Kong. 

Course after course after course (I think there were 12 in all) I couldn't identify any course that was just a filler, just an appetizer, just something to get through, to get past, to get on with the main course which wasn't here yet...but it was coming...

Every course--in presentation, taste, texture--bore the marks of a master chef. Then it finally occurred to me: the reason no course seemed like a filler was because no course was a filler. To the master chef who had prepared this banquet especially for us, each course was main.

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nine woes...part 4

Woe to those who squander today straining toward tomorrow: will we savor this gift called time?

Most don't take the mic and say, "Honestly, it feels like God is wasting my time" because there's a chunk of people in the church who get nervous when we say something "negative." And who wants to see a religious spirit have a cow in the corner? Not a pretty sight...

So, we may not say it out loud, but often we believe it in our guts. God, let's get moving. Why won't you open a door? What am I still doing here? Why are they holding me back? I could make more of a difference than you're letting me make...

In short, "God, you're wasting my time."

Sometimes we sabotage the potential of tomorrow by underestimating the potential of today.

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