“I can see it, it’s just that my feet feel like lead.”

“Are you tired?”

I am on the phone with my spiritual director.  We are working with a vision where I’m trying to get up a hill – to a house – a house where I feel so safe and like there is no other place I belong but there.  However, I can’t get there.

Am I tired?

I look at all I need to accomplish in the next six months and I feel a tad bit overwhelmed, but I am not tired… yet.

I see my younger self up the hill beckoning me to come to her.  She is full of energy and charisma.  Her hands are waving wildly as she doesn’t understand what is taking me so long to get up the dang hill.

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Knowing versus experiencing. One of the greatest debates stemming from centuries ago. Head vs. heart - intellect vs. senses - abstract vs. concrete.

Yesterday in class we went back and forth between the two sides adding our own commentary to the legendary banter.

The topic was Greek vs. Hebrew modes of learning and how that translates into leadership. We noticed society's bent towards the head, the intellect, the abstract.  Especially in leadership and education.  Furthermore, we dove into not just leading others, but how this relates to leading ourselves too.

We dialogued about creating understanding, personal initiation, and reaching out in order to build a bridge between the head and the heart.  Additionally, how important these ideas are in interacting with those with different preferences. We also discussed how much time this takes too.

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I declared these past 10 days Take Your Wife To Work Week. My husband works for an international humanitarian organization and travels quite a bit.  Due to my old job responsibilities it was never an option for me go with him.

As I made the transition to my new role in the university, we quickly realized there was a window of time for me to travel to Costa Rica with him.

It didn't hurt that we tacked on a couple days to the front end to relax at the beach.  However, we soon found ourselves at Nate's boss' home ready to begin our work week.  I figured if you have to lesson plan, what's the difference between my home office or working in a different country with my husband?

My other companions on this trip were textbooks - leadership, spiritual formation, writing - along with other "fun" reads like Wendell Berry and John O'Donohue. As Nate sat for long planning meetings, only breaking for meals.  I found myself diving into outlining, reading and lecture writing. Ten hours later I had finalized a syllabus and planned two lectures. I had learned new presentation software and done mental gymnastics in order to translate ideas to a new generation of students.

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I feel like a cranky grandma right now.  The other morning I found myself in my garden getting mad at insects and waving at drivers to slow down on my street.

I can’t be serious? Who am I?! I become a faculty member and suddenly I’m 80? (I might be in this pic)

I am starting to understand why my grandpa watched golf all day.  It was his meditation and escape.  His dream life on screen and his naptime all wrapped up with the lullaby of shushed applause and the melodic “ooohs and awwws” cooing away all that is wrong in the world. Even the speeding cars.

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These past two weeks have been full. Full of travel, hospitality, reconnection, and relationship. The literal journey took me and Nate up to Oregon for a week-long contemplative prayer retreat, followed by another seven days in Washington with family and friends.

Computers were sparse; phone service scant, and time was of the essence. Time to read, walk and breathe. Time to taste, feel, reflect and connect.

This annual week in Oregon is a sacred time of intentional prayer and slowing down. Each year I need it more and this year was no exception. It is always difficult to put into essay or spoken form what happens. Contemplative prayer is gentle, but it is a spiritual discipline that requires all of you.  The phrase "handle with care" is completely appropriate.

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