I got an invitation to attend an honest to goodness Hollywood premier.

It was a once in a lifetime experience that I would have passed on as the trek from Hawaii to Los Angles to go to a movie is a bit much and frankly, I am not that impressed by celebrities to get all that fired up about it.

But since I have a daughter who is a freshman majoring in film and had some extra miles, I thought I would suit up and mingle with the elite so that she would be encouraged to purse her craft.

Maybe suit up is not the right word.

I don’t own a suit or a tie. I did have some new black jeans and a nice Aloha shirt, which I thought would be appropriate attire since it was the premier of a surf movie,  Soul Surfer, which was based on the book that I helped write for my long time friends, the Hamilton family. (And no, I am not getting anything for this effort other than bragging rights.)

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The world seemed to stand still for a moment 6 months ago when a powerful earthquake rumbled its way through the tiny country of Haiti and destroying everything in its path. My friend Stuart was there. You can read and see more of Stuart in Haiti during that time here. Newspapers wrote about it and Stuart witnessed that God is very active in Haiti among the Haitian survivors. Below is a recent article Stuart wrote for Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, student magazine Contact. (Stuart and I became friends while students at the seminary). How cool it would be if the country known for so long now as the poorest in the western hemisphere, will now and forever be known as God's country!

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Not long ago, I had occasion to observe a group of high school students serving a meal to about 200 homeless people in our city.  They had come to fulfill a high school requirement to complete a certain number of community service hours, which probably should have been my first clue.  I was floored by the complete disconnect between those students and the human suffering right before their eyes.  Many laughed or made jokes.  A man or woman who did not look nice or smell particularly good would draw odd looks and quips.  Serving the food looked like more of a game to them than an opportunity to help someone.

 

As the students prepared to leave, it did not seem as if they had been affected at all.  They were huddled in their little group, busily chatting about the next activity of the day, oblivious to the many who filed out into the searing summer heat, not sure where they might find their next meal. 

 

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September 10, 2009 marks the day headlines across the country and a few abroad revealed this: U.S. poverty rate hits 11-year high.

 

While several news sources posted the story I’ve chosen Reuters to share if you’d like to read the article here. 

 

Poverty stinks from every angle. It challenges personal esteem, often times deflating it. It challenges relationships, often times breaking them. It crushes dreams and snuffs out hope.  It’s suffocating, it’s exhausting, and it’s awful.

 

A few years ago I worked for an accredited Non-profit organization that was run by the church that employed me. This organization sought to bring life transformation to families residing in local motels. Motel life is generational. If you were a kid growing up living in a motel, odds are you are raising your kids in a motel today. In 2002, when I first began with this organization, there were an estimated 250 families living in motels in one city.

 

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Tomorrow is World Humanitarian Day. World Humanitarian Day exists to honor those who are serving the needy and to remember those who have lost their lives during their service. You can read about the history of this newly recognized day here and here.

 

Taken from the WHO website, World Humanitarian Day is

an occasion for remembering humanitarian staff who lost their lives serving others. There are many, and they come from partner UN agencies, the Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement, and numerous intergovernmental and nongovernmental organizations. WHO remembers its own staff who have lost their lives with great sadness, but also great respect.

 

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Woe to those who crave fame: Do we possess the strength to be nothing?  (continued)

It's a challenging day for those with God-given dreams and strengths. 

On the one hand we're encouraged to package our giftings in neon and market ourselves, to knock on doors and make our own way...

On the other hand we open our Bibles and hear wisdom from the ancients, "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips." (proverbs 27.2)

Passivity seems a poor steward. Self-promotion a saboteur of souls.

John the Baptist shows us a way.

He submitted to hiddenness for decades, and when the time came for him to step into public service, he emerged from hiddenness with the strength to fuse authoritative visibility with Jesus-centric humility. 

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It’s important to know the difference between service and slavery. Slavery is at the heart of dysfunctional families. When people serve others because they are forced to do so, freedom to truly serve is lost. Slavery hardens the heart. Slavery creates anger, bitterness, and resentment.

Listen to the emotional pain of a divorced single: “I served him for twenty years. I have waited on him hand and foot. I have been his doormat while he ignored me, mistreated me, and humiliated me in front of my friends and family. I don’t hate him. I wish him no ill, but I resent him and I no longer wish to live with him.” That wife has performed acts of service for twenty years, but they have not been expressions of love. They were done out of fear, guilt, and resentment.

A doormat is an inanimate object. You can wipe your feet on it, step on it, kick it around, or do whatever you like with it. It has no will of its own. It can be your servant, but not your lover. When you treat another person as an object, you preclude the possibility of love. Manipulation by guilt (“If you loved me, you would do this for me”) is not the language of love. Coercion by fear (“You will do this or you will be sorry”) has no place in love.

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Leah was one of several single adults who attended my marriage seminar in Cleveland. She explained, “I just want to learn more about marriage so that if I ever get married I’ll know what I’m supposed to do.” I wish more singles had that attitude before they got married. After lunch she asked if she could speak with me.

“I don’t want to take too much time,” she said, “but I have a problem.” I nodded and she continued.

“I’ve been dating a man for about six months who is the most wonderful man in the world, but I don’t have romantic feelings for him. I wish I did because he’s so wonderful.”

“So what makes you think he is so wonderful?” I asked.

“He is the nicest man I have ever met. I’ve never had a man do so much for me.”

“What does he do for you?” I asked.

“Well, it all started one night at church,” she said. “I had been to a singles meeting, and when I got ready to leave the church it was raining really hard. He stepped up with this huge umbrella and asked if he could take me to the car. I never remember having seen him before, but he said he had been attending about three weeks. Well, of course I accepted his offer. He got me to my car and told me to have a good evening. I thanked him; he closed the door and then walked to his car. I was appreciative, but it wasn’t a big deal.

“I didn’t think of him again until I noticed him in the singles meeting two weeks later. Afterward he asked me if I would like to get a milkshake. A milkshake sounded great to me, so I accepted. We walked across the street to the ice cream shop. I found out that he had never been married, was an electrical engineer who worked for a local company, and had lived in Cleveland about two years, having been transferred from back East. I enjoyed talking with him. However, when we got ready to leave it was raining again. He told me to wait while he got his car, then he would give me a ride to my car. Not wanting to get my hair wet, I agreed.

“He ran across the street and returned shortly with his car, met me at the door with the umbrella, then drove me to my car. He was soaking wet. As I drove home I had the thought that he’s a really nice guy, but I certainly didn’t think about dating him.

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If you don’t already know your love language- don’t be alarmed. You’re not alone. Within the singleton world there are two types of singles who typically struggle to discover their primary love language. The first consists of singles who have always felt loved and who received all five love languages from their parents. They speak all five rather fluently, but they’re not sure which one speaks most deeply to them. The other category is composed of singles who have never felt loved. They grew up in very dysfunctional families and were never secure in the love of parents or other significant adults in their lives. They don’t know which language would make them feel loved because they are not really sure what it means to feel loved.

1. Observe Your Own Behavior
So how do you discover your primary love language? Probably it would be best to start with you. How do you most typically express love and appreciation to other people? If you regularly hear yourself encouraging other people by giving words of affirmation, then perhaps that is your primary love language. You are doing for others what you wish they would do for you. If you are a back-patter, hand-shaker, or arm-toucher, then perhaps your love language is physical touch. If you are constantly giving gifts to others on special occasions and for no occasion at all, then gifts may be your primary love language. If you are the initiator in setting up lunch appointments or inviting people over to your house for the evening, then quality time may be your love language. If you are the kind of person who doesn’t wait until someone asks but observes what needs to be done and pitches in and does it, then acts of service is likely your primary love language.

Please notice that I am using the words perhaps, may be, and likely. The reason I am being tentative is because my research has indicated that about 25 percent of adults typically speak one love language but wish to receive another language. On the other hand, for about 75 percent of us, the language we speak most often is the language we desire. We love others in the manner in which we would like to be loved.

2. Observe What You Request of Others
If you regularly ask friends to help you with projects, then acts of service may be your love language. If you find yourself saying to friends who are going on a trip, “Be sure and bring me something,” then your love language is probably receiving gifts. If you ask a close friend to give you a back rub, or you express rather freely, “Could you give me a hug?” then physical touch is likely your primary love language. If you are regularly asking friends to go shopping with you, to take a trip together, or to come over to your house for dinner, you are asking for quality time. If you hear yourself asking, “Does this look OK? Did I do the report the way you wanted it? Do you think I did the right thing?” you are asking for words of affirmation.

Our requests tend to indicate our emotional needs. Therefore, observing what you request of others may clearly reveal your primary love language.

3. Listen to Your Complaints
The things about which you complain (whether expressed verbally or only in your head) can be very telling in figuring out your primary love language.

Brad was about six months into his first job after college when I asked him, “How are things going?”

“OK, I guess. It seems like nobody really appreciates what I do and that what I do is never enough.”

Knowing that he was familiar with the five love languages, I said, “Your primary love language is words of affirmation, right?”

He nodded his head while he said, “Yes, and I guess that’s why I’m not really all that happy with my job.” Brad’s complaint clearly revealed his primary love language.

If you complain that your friends no longer have time for you, your love language is likely quality time. If you complain that only one friend gave you a birthday present, your language is likely gifts. If you complain about not having a good hug in the last two months, physical touch is probably your language. If your complaint is that no one ever helps you and they expect you to do everything, then acts of service is probably your love language.

Our complaints reveal our deep emotional hurts. The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language. If you received love in that language, the hurt would go away and you would feel appreciated.

4. Ask the Right Questions
If you are currently in a dating relationship, you’ve got a great opportunity to discover your primary love language. Ask and answer the following questions: “What do I like most about the person I’m dating? What does he or she do or say that makes me desire to be with him/her?” Your answers will be very enlightening.

Another approach would be to ask yourself: “What would be an ideal spouse to me? If I could have the perfect mate, what would she/he be like?” Your picture of a perfect mate should give you some idea of your primary love language.

If you are not currently in a romantic relationship, you may ask: “What do I want most in a friendship?” Complete the following sentence: “An ideal friend would ________.” Your answer will probably reveal your primary love language.

5. The Love Language Profile
The final step in discovering (or confirming) your love language is taking The Love Language Profile. The profile is located within The Five Language: Single Edition book.  And don’t forget to check out the study guide too- it will help you develop your love language.


What about your relationships?
Do you know your family members primary love languages? What about your two closest friends? If not, answer the following questions:

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