Democracy is so outdated. If we Americans can customize our laptops, our dream homes, our low rider trucks, and our pizza toppings, we can surely come up with a way to manufacture a custom-made President.
Choosing one candidate to represent the dreams, idiosyncrasies, causes, beliefs, and common sense of 300 million people doesn’t make any sense at all. I mean, doesn’t Washington realize that we have a very specific list of demands?
So I submit a new idea, inspired by those geniuses at Apple: iLeader. It would fit beautifully with the American ethos of individuality and self-absorption. This impressive gadget—still several years away from a workable prototype—would allow us to be governed by a flawless, personalized platform of ideals. Call it anarchy without all the depressing chaos.