I'm sure you've seen it.  It's been all over the news.  A new study claims "children of lesbian couples do well."  You can read the study for yourself.  I hadn't read the study but when I first heard about it, I was skeptical.  Why?  Because families are not socially constructed but divinely designed.  And when human beings function outside of God's design they don't do well, rather they break down.  Hurt, pain, and dysfunction follow. 

Today at the Acton University, I was able to sit in on Dr. Jennifer Roback-Morse's lecture, "Beyond Contracts:  Marriage and Sustainable Markets."  She addressed the study and has outlined "8 reasons why the study does not prove anything about the functioning of the children of lesbians": 

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My family is not big marchers.  My parents never took me to a protest.  I think they look at big rallies as a giant collective fit and there was no patience for throwing fits at our house.  The more noise you made, the more likely you were to be ignored by my parents.  This background shapes my view as I think about the March for America in Washington DC this weekend. 

In my parents’ house, throwing a fit wasn’t necessary because they paid attention to their children.  If we needed something, it was provided.  If we wanted something, we could simply ask for it and discuss our desire.  My parents knew us.  They saw us. They valued and considered us.  They recognized the way we each contributed to our family.

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Today I dropped my 9 –year-old daughter off at the Jr. high bus stop.

Our school district offers violin lessons for 4^th graders at the local Jr. high before school. 4^th graders are to ride the bus with the Jr. High kids, take their lesson, and re-board the bus, which drops them off at their proper elementary school.  Because I’m really very afraid of Junior High kids (I spent a year teaching 7^th grade Spanish), I debated whether or not to just drive her to the school myself, sparing her the bus experience. She’s so tiny and sweet, I rationalized. Those kids will eat her alive. Plus, how will she be able to find the music room when she gets there? I mentioned this plan to Alex and, horrified, she replied, “Mom. There. Is.

The basic love language of quality time has many dialects including: quality activities. At a recent singles event I asked those present to complete the following sentence: “I feel most loved and appreciated by _________ when __________.” They could insert the name of anyone: parent, roommate, coworker, or friend.

One twenty-seven-year-old male inserted the name of his girlfriend and completed the sentence as follows: “I feel most loved by Megan when she and I do things together—things I like to do and things she likes to do. We talk more when we’re doing things. I had never ridden a horse until I met her, and she had never been sailing. I’ve always enjoyed doing things with other people. It’s so neat to be dating someone who is open to trying new things together.”

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Enhancing or reestablishing a relationship with a parent may have a profound impact upon a person’s emotional well-being. It isn’t random chance that one of the ten fundamental commandments given to ancient Israel was “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” This benefit of developing a positive, loving relationship with one’s parents is affirmed in the New Testament: “Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise—that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ideally, love should flow from parent to child. When this takes place and the child genuinely feels loved, it is easy for them to honor their parents. However, when a single adult grew up in a home where he felt unloved, abandoned, or abused, it is much more difficult to honor these parents. I believe that as adults we must take responsibility for enhancing the relationship with our parents; this is especially important if they were deficient in meeting our needs. There is nothing more important than love in this process. Love breaks down barriers, leaps over walls, and seeks the well-being of another.

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Last week I posted troubling statistics about the amount of churched youth who walk away once they're in college.   CPYU has been interviewing college students as part of their College Transition Initiative.  They've asked students, "As you reflect on your church youth group experience, what are some things you wish your youth group would have done more of to prepare you for college?"  Their answers are instructive for parents, pastors, youth leaders--any of us who teach youth in some capacity.  

Alysia at the University of Illinois said:

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