This is an ongoing conversation. To read the first parts,
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As I’ve been processing this “manhood” deal within the Hip Hop context, I’m left wondering, who does this generation look up to? In a knee-jerk reactionary statement one might say, “These rappers.” But is that the whole scene? Let’s break this down a little more. When a young boy is growing up, he receives many different messages about manhood. Manhood, for him, doesn’t start at 18, it starts the moment he comes out of the womb.
For many urban boys, manhood messages come in the form of people telling you to “get up and take it like a man” after you’ve just fallen off a bike at age 3. Manhood message come in the form of your family pulling back on the physical and emotional support that is so needed around the age of 4-5 because they fear it will make him too “girly” and not into a man enough “man.” Manhood messages come in the form of your friends telling you to “suck it up” when something bad happens to you—like the death of a relative. Manhood messages come in the form of “firm handshakes” instead of hugs. Manhood messages come in the form of being told the only sports for “real men” are football and or basketball. Manhood messages come in the form of older men—a lot of times uncles and or fathers—giving you hard alcohol at a young age to “teach you” how to be a “man.” Manhood messages come in the form of friends and certain family members telling you that in order to “be a man sexually” you have to have multiple sex partners and “don’t love them ho’s.” Manhood message start when you see men in the media using the gun as symbol of manhood and a sign of respect. Manhood messages come in the form of love being expressed to you, typically around the age of 3, as distant, alone, remote, internalizing, and “sissy” if expressed to openly.
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