Did I just say that out loud? My gaze searched the faces of the ladies in my Bible study. They were now silent and appeared to be waiting for me to finish my statement and to soften my words. But I was tired of faking it. He had become a joyless obligation. I served out of duty and told others about him to fulfill a requirement. My language, lifestyle and dress were determined by a set of guidelines. My face wore an eternal smile by day but my heart was filled with apathy and nagged awake with doubts at night. I had questions that I was afraid to ask and they were draining the lifeblood out of my soul. It wasn’t until one night as I prepared for the next days Bible study, God pushed me in a corner and asked me, “Do you love me? Do you truly love me?”
“I don’t know.
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