There are some bands that I never tire of, no matter how many times they've sung albumns through my heart. Tenth of Avenue North is one of them. Thankful for these lyrics this week.

I know i need you
I need to love you
I love to see you,                                                                                                                                                 but its been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you                                                                                                                                         and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

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“Help” is a word of desperation. It’s what we say when we think we can’t go on. That’s not the case for the biblical writers, though. For them, it’s a war cry.

The psalmist said: “I lift my eyes to the hills from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” (Psa 121:1–2 ESV).

In the ancient world, people thought the gods dwelled on the hills. So the author looks to the hills, not to flee, but for aid. He then acknowledges that his help comes from Yahweh (the Lord), who made heaven and earth. What is there to fear in the earth if everything in it is God’s?

But here’s where it gets really interesting: God is all about empowering us to do His work. That means that His gifts, His abilities, become our gifts and abilities. That’s what Paul talks about in his first letter to the Corinthians:

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Spiritual gifts or curses? Back in October, I opened a series of posts with that question. I was convinced then, and am now, that the primary reason why many of us feel empty is that we’re under utilizing our spiritual gifts. Unless we’re following God’s will, we’re not being who we were meant to be. That doesn’t just hurt God, or others, it hurts us.

One of the under-utilized gifts is healing. The world needs healing. Paul would agree. Here’s how I know.

When Paul describes how the church should function, he describes church offices, and then discusses gifts. It’s a tragedy that miracles are rarely seen in our churches—it’s a sign that we’re in spiritual gridlock. Healing (in Paul’s context) is about wholeness. 

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I am cautious with my heart, not by nature but through experience. Yet Trust has been a recurring call in my journey with Christ – trust, and pain, and hope.

The first call I heard from the Lord was: Trust Me to make you whole. I had accepted Christ as my Savior, but I was anything but whole. I didn’t know how healing could happen; I could not imagine any world in which I did not carry this pain with me. Persistently and gently, though, the Lord called to me: Trust Me to heal you. Like the woman who reached out to touch merely the hem of Jesus’ robe, I hardly dared ask for His attention – and He turned and gave me the fullness of His healing grace. Even now, I am staggered by the power and grace with which Christ worked in the dark places of my heart.

The second time I heard that call was in the context of writing my book and – even more so – doing publicity interviews this past summer.

(2008 journal entry I found recently...still learning most of its lines.)

Where I have so punished, let me so Love.
Where I have lived in fears, teach me Freedom.
Where I have restricted, help me trust the Table before me.
Where I have hurt others, teach me to Confess.
Where I have hurt myself, teach me Healing, unloosing the hands from around my neck.
Where I have been hurt, teach me to Forgive.
Where I have controlled, show me Surrender.
Where I am alone, let me be Embraced.
Where I remain tired, lead me to the gift of Rest.
Where I remain afraid of tomorrow, or ashamed by yesterday, unveil to me the gift of Grace today.

With Love,
Your daughter

When I was in second grade handball was all the rage.  We played it with big red rubber balls against backboards on the playground.  One day I was playing against Amy Watson, a third grader, and she went for it- hit an ace, leaving the ball very low to the ground.  I was not about to be shown up by a “big kid” so I launched myself toward the ball as if I were sliding into home plate.  I slid right across the asphalt on my nose.  I stood up in pain, half embarrassed, half proud of my all out attempt.  Turning to Amy Watson, I asked, “Is there a mark?”  Looking straight at me she replied, “No, I don’t see anything.”  Unconvinced I ran to the bathroom to see for myself.  There down the whole length of my nose was a huge scrape.  All the skin was gone.  “How could she not see that,” I thought.

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I had the honor of filling-out a recommendation for a Peace Corps applicant this week. And though its questions were impressive, they weren’t unlike what I’d expected—except for one. And as I’ve sat with this particular question since, I’ve realized it’s one we rarely pose, either to ourselves, or to each other, and yet one I’m increasingly convinced as destructive to live without.

“Are you aware of any circumstance this applicant may be resisting in light of his/her pursuits with the Peace Corps?” In other words, are they running from something? And if so, please extrapolate on the vacant lines that follow.

It’s (delightfully) tempting to think if I jump-ship from my current circumstances, I’ll jump-ship from my current consequences too. If I cut ties with that person, or cut communication with that situation, life with once again breathe free and easy. And in an extreme case, like joining the Peace Corps, what could be better than few thousand miles of virtuously directed breathing space, right? Wrong.

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My friend told me she was an addict today.

I was so proud of her, not because she confessed some profane form of activity, but because she cooperated with some unpleasant part of being human.

None of us escapes addiction. And though some are more identifiable, like porn, food, or shopping, others are heinously scripted into our DNA, like self-promotion, ease and vanity.

My friend and I realized that to sever her addiction altogether would mean severing parts of her that were good, like desire. And yet, fully submitting to its patters didn't feel right either, so we decided there must be an alternative route. Seems like we can either turn away from our addictions, or we can face the truth of them, and hope to God love exists in that vicinity.

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