A couple weeks ago I received word that the great apologist Ron Carlson, father of my friends Jason and Jared Carlson, had suddenly died. My heart broke for the Carlson family, but I also know how proud they are of the life their father lived.

Given that my father is also an apologist, and a few years older than Ron, it got me thinking more than ever about the lessons I have learned from my dad. Below are a few of the first lessons that came to my mind. My dad has taught me so much about relationships, God, economics, and more, so it was a challenge to know where to begin!  These are just some of the key lessons that first came to my mind.

• THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY ISSUE. It’s human nature to believe the first account we hear of an event, especially if it fits our preconceived notions. When we hear views favorable to our opinions (whether political, religious, or other) we tend to believe them, and if we hear views unfavorable to our opinions we tend to doubt them, even before we consider the evidence. My dad has told me countless times to weigh all the evidence before making up my mind. And I have seen him model this. He often says, “Remember, son, there are two sides to every issue. Try to understand both sides, and consider all the evidence, before making up your mind.” This is essentially the same wisdom Solomon gave to his son in Proverbs 18:17: “The first to speak in court sounds right—until the cross-examination begins.” Do you consider both sides before making up your mind?

• BELIEVE THE BEST IN OTHERS. Years ago my wife and I worked for a college funding company. Some of our co-workers spoke negatively of the president of our company who we held (and still hold) in high regard. Rather than believing the rumors I went straight to the president, as my dad taught me, to get his side of the story and believe the best in him unless we found reliable evidence to the contrary. It turned out that our co-workers were totally misinformed and spreading hurtful rumors. I wish I could say I have always done this, as I’m sure there are many times I have not believed the best in other people. But this is a principle I try to live by. Do you believe the best in others?

• WORK HARD. My dad is one of the hardest workers I have ever known. In fact, I have never met someone who worked harder than my dad. I can remember many early mornings and late nights seeing my dad writing and researching to get ahead. My father is certainly brilliant, but much of his success is due to his sheer determination to work hard. He applied this work ethic not just to his job but to his family as well. Seeing this in his life has motivated me to work hard in sports, school, work, and in my relationships, as well. Again, Solomon gave this advice to his son, “Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise” (Proverbs 6:6). How hard do you work?

• ENJOY LIFE. If you hang around my father for five minutes you will realize that he thoroughly enjoys life. In fact, if you are ever within a few hundred feet of him (especially at movie theaters!) you are certain to hear his signature laugh. He loves to tell jokes, relive funny incidents, and find the humor in almost anything. He is as intense about life as anyone I have ever met, and yet he always finds the joy in life. Do you enjoy life?

• YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. Whenever I started feeling sorry for myself growing up my father often reminded me of this principle. You may think this is easy for him to say, but if anyone would have the right to be a victim it would be my dad. He was sexually abused as a child, had an older sister commit suicide, and grew up with an alcoholic father. And yet he takes responsibility for his own life and refuses to see himself as a victim. In an age where it is in vogue to claim victimhood because of race, gender, sexual orientation, or some other factor, my father has refused to let me see myself as a victim. I may not choose my circumstances, but I do choose how to respond. Are you a victim?

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My father died when I was four. I grew up never knowing much about him. My mother remarried a wonderful man who adopted me and loved me. I didn't have a burning desire to find out who my birth father was until my wife and I decided to visit Minnesota a few years ago to visit the place of my heritage. Maybe to find Dad.

I'll never forget the experience. Karin and I stayed with my father's older brother, Sam. As you can guess, it didn't take long for Uncle Sam to ask me if I wanted to see photos of Dad, as well as some letters he had written. I quickly agreed.

The three of us climbed up into his attic where all the stuff was stored in an old trunk. My uncle pulled the light on with a string, passing around fading photos, reading letters aloud, and listening to Uncle Sam tell story after story.

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One of the issues that I’ve been pondering for quite some time is the issue of manhood in Hip Hop. As a man, this is something that I’m quite interested in because I interact with a lot of young men who tend to see manhood through the lens of Hip Hop. Moreover, I have three godsons that I know are looking at how I do manhood. I guess I’m really interested in how manhood translates for the African American. There are so many dimensions to this. Where does one start? Where does one begin to affect change?

 

 

If you haven’t already seen these two videos, take a look at them before you read the rest of this blog.

 

Video 1

 

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