My family is in an expectant mode these days, as our second son goes through the college application process and awaits responses from schools.   His process is particularly complex, as he is required to undergo auditions in several cities in addition to the usual written applications.   Another layer of complexity is added by the option of taking a semester or a year off between high school and college to work in the music world.    As our son prepares for all things new, I am filled with the sense that I have had this dream before, felt these feelings, thought these thoughts.    It occurs to me that launching a child feels a lot like pregnancy.   Our family is traveling through thirty-eight weeks in reverse.

Last fall, the start of senior year, was the excited but nauseous stage, as our son’s new life outside of our home became tangible.   He and others said things like, “Next Thanksgiving you’ll be coming back from college for the holiday.”    The nausea enters when we consider how strong the competition is for entry into these schools.   It seems that other applicants and their parents must be doing more, or doing it better.     It’s not the Sartre-esque nausea of despair and meaningless, thank goodness; only the kind of nausea that comes with anxious nerves.   But in a lot of households despair can and does set in, and this is something I watch for very closely as a clinician and as a friend.   

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1. No breastfeeding or mucus plugs (yuck)

2. Playing Wii Mario Cart  with my 5 year old son counts as "quality time"

3. Cultural expectations are low, really low

4. The kids only want mommy in the middle of the night

5. My son is in kindergarden. He had a day last fall called "All About Me," where he told the class about himself and his family. He was asked, "What do your mommy and daddy like to do?" His reply:  "Daddy loves watching football on TV. Mommy loves cooking."  I was thrilled with his response...mommy wasn't.  

I just had my first class for the semester at Vanguard University. I teach a class on Addictive Behavior in their graduate psychology program. It's a fun class to teach, but I've noticed an interesting thing over the past five years since I started teaching.

An epic video of my journey out of adolesence and into manhood! TURKEY SMOKING! :)

Most women who have any sort of issues getting pregnant have heard this statement before:

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Some Conversant  readers  may be old enough to remember  former President Bill Clinton’s slogan during his first election campaign, in 1992,  “It’s the economy, Stupid!”  I remember  the  era  fairly well, and was surprised at that time by the huge  popularity  of what I considered to be  a rather  insulting message,  aimed at the Republican administration.    When there is a distressing  national problem, it seems natural to want to find the origin of that problem as the first step towards solving it.  But finding where the problem started is just the beginning of the process of changing things for the better.  The same thing is true in close  relationships.  Finding the origins of problems is basic to what we do in psychotherapy.   But there is so much more.  

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