Marriages that fall apart seem to end in different ways. Witness the couple that argues constantly, always one upping each other with threats to leave, daring each other to end the marriage. Maybe you know a couple that deliberatly spends more time apart than together, slowly realizing that going through a divorce is an inevitable formality they will have to deal with. Or perhaps you've seen the marriage that never ends - they are honoring their vows, sure, but without a relationship or friendship they are missing the purpose behind marriage in the first place.

My marriage was more like a sucker punch to the gut. In hindsight I could see it coming but at the time of impact, it took me by surprise. It was at about the three year mark when our tension boiled over. We were the couple with the friendly facade to the world around us. Everything in our marriage was "hallway good". (You know what I mean - the typical "hallway" response when people ask how things are going). The truth is, I was assuming things were fine with our marriage, ignoring some distinct warning signs. I was doing what I do best - ignoring the problem. Things were happening that were triggering emotions in me - anger, fear, and jealousy to name a few. But my desire to maintain peace allowed me to ignore the red flags in our relationship. This denial allowed us to ignore the root of our problem. We were no longer connecting emotionally and authentically.

continue reading