I was recently asked by a dear friend to be her daughter's godmother, and not just in the figurative sense. In the case of a tragedy, we are the literal guardians of little Maya. The request came over lunch: two friends eating tomatoes and mozzarella catching up about the last month we hadn't seen each other was about to get a lot more serious.

"So Erik and I are working on our will and we wanted to ask if you and Nate would consider being guardians." She went on to say of course they understood this is a big request and we could of course say no.

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A lot of paper was ripped in the past four days. And with every tear, I pray that something in the world was stitched up.

I flew to Denver last Thursday.  It was the fourth trip I've been on in a month.  This spring has encompassed another country, another county, another state, and all different kinds of amazing events and people at every stop.

The three events scheduled for this past visit flew by, but not without moments to pause, to meditate, to share, to laugh, to rip, to cry, and to heal. I met over 30 women this past week (and even more up north in Modesto) who are longing to find depth, connection, and growth in their communities and with themselves.

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I'm sitting in my home office having just gone back to my regular part time job at a local university.  The last three months I have filled in for a dear friend and co-worker while she bonded with her new baby.  I'm trying to get out of my funk (aka writer's block) as I "go back" to my old routine by showing up and writing.... and then starting over again, and again. 

A funny thought dawned on me as I thought about "going back": There is no going back. The last three months have pushed me vocationally, challenged me professionally, and made me start dreaming once more. It's hard to turn those voices off.

Although, it's not hard to want to settle into the comfortableness of predictability.  I am beginning to understand why people settle into a pattern for years on end - there is an ease to it.  And even though each year brings its own excitement and unexpectedness by nature of working with college students, I sense a tug out of the easiness.

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As the palm trees came into focus like angry splinters waving in the heat, I knew I was home. Over the course of the last decade, I have made this land where all kinds of differences collide my place of solace.  Decades are markers of sorts the older you get and I had just returned to Southern California after my 10 year reunion in the Pacific Northwest. It seems like it went by so fast, these 10 years, and I had lived most of them in this dry place where on one side of town it is littered with the small world of movie stars and fancy cars and the other where I dwelt.  That side of town wrestled with issues like social justice, grace, true love, and it is where I felt Jesus show up for the first time in my short life.

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It has been a long, wet week in Southern California.  Rain is to L.A. what snow is to Seattle:  Life stops, people stay home, others forget how to drive, and even more of us gather at the windows to watch it fall.  It's pretty funny when I stop to think about it.  In addition to the weather, my husband was traveling for work on the other side of the world (literally), the supreme court made a decision that my PMS decided to take all of my vengeance out on, and Focus on the Family is running a superbowl ad.  Jesus, please come soon...

After I read about Focus on the Family, I put a link on my facebook.  I wrote, "Seriously Focus on the Family? You couldn't find another use for 3 million dollars?????" Which spurred on 30-something long comment chain on my wall.  Unbeknownst to me, a college friend of mine's dad works in the marketing department at Focus on the Family and she had him write to me to set the record straight.  Fine. It's not their money. Donors gave them the money to put an ad in the superbowl.  I still don't think that's a good reason, but I'm waving my flag.  I retreat.  In other news, the supreme courtgave permission for companies to back political candidates.  How quickly we forget how LONG the election of 2008 was, and with this little juncture, it will make elections the most annoying, biased campaigns EVER.   But I'm waiving my white flag here too.

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I am starting this blog with an admission: I have jumped on the bandwagon. Last December I had a procedure that left me in bed for 3 days, so my friends became Edward, Bella, and Jacob.  The story flowed through the poor grammar choices and mushy teenage love scenes that spewed their angst, rebellion, and hormones everywhere.  I wanted to know what would happen next and dove further into this world that Stephenie Meyer had created.  When it came to my friends, I was one of the last ones to pick up the books.  They were trading them at church and setting up movie screenings. This year it only became more of a craze.  T-shirts were made, tickets were bought weeks in advance, blogs were followed of the movie’s creative process and stalking the teen stars became a daily occurrence (Yes Taylor Lautner is statutory rapematerial).

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August is a weird month.  As a child it was a pensive place between the lollygagging of summer and the newness of another year in school.  Reflective yet forward thinking; carefree yet planning.  Today as I drove home from the first day our students returned to work in our office for another year, I was behind a car with a large Transformers logo. It caught me off guard.  It didn’t bother me that it was there, but what caused me to almost steer into it was that it looked quite sad. The lines that stream down its face show longing and it looks as if it’s about to cry. I began to ponder why it looks so sad when as a robot in disguise, you’re more than meets the eye? Why look so lonely when you can kick major butt and transform into these massive heroic figures (or enemies).

It is a feeling of always being in transition that I believe paints the logo in that light for me personally.

Jealousy. Envy. Anger.  As the heat of the summer keeps baking us alive, so do emotions overwhelm us.  The most break-ups and arguments happen in the summer.  It’s as if we sweat conflict out of our pores.  My emotions were definitely directed towards the Bachelorette this summer as I reflect on The Most Dramatic Season yet and my tirades of the false reality of TV romance.

I spent the weekend with a dear friend and the topics of jealousy and envy were brought up a couple of times.  As we dove into the issues while barbequing, we reflected on our three year friendship that has been deeper than some of my lifelong relationships.  It was decided between us and our slightly older friend who has 20 years experience as a therapist and spiritual director that the problem is not that we’re jealous creatures, but it’s what we do with the jealousy that matters.

Because of the euphoria of the “in love” experience, many couples feel like they have genuine emotional intimacy. As one person said to me, “This is the strongest part of our relationship. We really connect emotionally.” However, when the euphoria subsides, some couples discover that the foundation for emotional intimacy is extremely weak. They experience feelings of estrangement and distance. “I don’t know how I could have felt so close to him six months ago when today I feel like I don’t even know him,” one recent bride confided.

What is emotional intimacy? It is that deep sense of being connected to one another. It is feeling loved, respected, and appreciated, while at the same time seeking to reciprocate.

To feel loved is to have the sense that the other person genuinely cares about your well-being. Respect has to do with feeling that your potential spouse has positive regard for your personhood, intellect, abilities, and personality. Appreciation is the inner sense that your partner values your contribution to the relationship. Let’s explore these three ingredients to emotional unity.

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