Some times this is due to body language or facial expression - other times choice of words. One time while we lived in Chile my mother-in-law came to visit. We were at the grocery store when she came up to me, “I think I just offended someone while trying to use my Spanish.” Oh I love these types of stories! She went on to explain that another customer asked her a question in Spanish to which she told them, “I’m sorry but you don’t speak good Spanish.” But of course she meant to say, “I don’t speak good Spanish.” Oh I got a good laugh out of it.
When Anastasia was in preschool her best friend was as
little girl from Japan.
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In the academic world, when publishing something, one must correctly cite sources, doing thorough research, proofread carefully, edit, proofread again, wordsmith some more, and then finally publish. There may even be some more editing and proofreading and editing in that process. In contrast, in the blogging world, one must publish quickly, often, and still write with a fair amount of wisdom and yet brevity, to keep people interested. I often times struggle with the tension of wanting to put out a blog more frequently, and getting ideas a bit more solidified in my head prior to doing so. (You may notice this in the infrequency of my posts).
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This is a great example of why we need to work so hard to communicate...its hard stuff! In a very funny way, this video examines some of the basic mis-communication patterns which turn up in communication styles. Moreover, in that same context, so many mis-interpretations can be taken in and therefore an even greater mis-communication can happen....hmm, just something to think about as you're going about your day!!
******caution, some of the language might be considered offensive******
This is why thousands of couples are frustrated. Sam, a divorced single, said about the woman he is dating: “I don’t understand her. She says she feels like I don’t love her. How could she feel unloved? Every day I tell her that I love her. I also give her compliments every day. I tell her how pretty she is. I tell her what a good mother she is. How could she feel unloved?” The problem is that her love language is acts of service, not words of affirmation. She’s thinking: If he loved me he would do something to help me. When he comes over, he watches television while I wash the dishes. He never helps me with anything. I’m sick of his words “I love you. I love you.” Words are cheap. If he really loved me, he would do something. I do everything for him; he does nothing for me. This scenario is repeated in thousands of relationships. Each person speaks his own language and does not understand why the other does not feel loved. If we want the other person to feel loved, we must discover and learn to speak his/her primary love language.
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I reluctantly joined Facebook back in September. I’ve been on it for like 9 months now, and I suppose you could say I’m a little less antagonistic about it than I once was… like when I wrote this article back in 2007, or even this one back in February. I mean, I still have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, but I’m definitely less extreme about it these days.
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Since some time in the late 90s, online chatting has been a popular form of communication among people below a certain age. Whether AIM, gmail chat, facebook chat, ichat, or whatever other mode of usage, the online ping pong form of communication is something most of us have participated in or do participate in on a daily basis. And as with most forms of communication, I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I really enjoy the way that online chatting allows for more thoughtful back-and-forth. Certainly it doesn’t always happen, but at least the form lends itself to more thought-through responses. In face-to-face communication, if you pause for too long or look nervous trying to come up with something to say, it makes the situation awkward. Online, it’s accepted. You can take all the time you want to craft a message before you hit “send,” and both parties accept that this is how it should happen. Face-to-face, we often fill awkward silences with rushed statements or uncomfortable silence-fillers. Online, we can go about it slower and more methodically, crafting just the right response to communicate exactly the right thing.
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I was a communication major in college, and I taught communication theory in grad school. I got an MA in media studies and am a journalist by trade. Needless to say, I often think about communication. So it’s time to start a multi-part series about it on my blog. What can I say? I’m nostalgic for grad school. There are a LOT of different kinds of communication. Everyone does it slightly differently. It’s one of the things I like most about people. I love observing how they talk and listening to them and learning about their stories. I’m a journalist, so it’s kinda what I do. People are super interesting, and there’s nothing like a human conversation and what happens when people open up to each other and express things and make meaning through communication. It’s the “miracle of communication,” as theorist James Carey would say.
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Psycholinguistics is the study of the effect of language on personality. We have all been greatly influenced by the words we’ve heard through the years. Some single adults grew up in a positive linguistic environment. They heard words that emphasized the pleasant, joyful, and beautiful aspects of life. Others grew up in a more negative linguistic environment. Children who grow up in these contrasting environments will hear totally different vocabularies resulting in vastly different personalities and behavior patterns. The ancient Hebrew proverb did not overstate the impact of words: “The tongue has the power of life and death.”
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In the wake of my recent treatise against Twitter in Relevant magazine, I’ve felt a little bit guilty. I’ve felt like I need to apologize to technology for being so hard on it, for assuming the worst about it always. I still and always will insist on critical analysis of new technologies, and I still believe that we should err on the side of skepticism rather than unthinking embrace, but I’ve come to realize this week that the technologies I often and have very publicly railed against (Facebook, Twitter, Bluetooth, etc) can and are being used for good things. God uses these things in spite of their creepy digital impersonality.
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