Heart and Soul

Battle for the Heart

Marcus Santi — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:09:54 -0800

Hello Freedom (Clay),

I have been reading a book and it posed a very interesting thought... What if we looked at this world as a battle and everything in this world is competing for our attention/ for our souls? What if? Then all that is around us is either for our good or for our demise.

I read last night, in this book, about the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. Long to short he was once a man, flesh and blood. He loved a woman and he worked long days so he could earn the money to marry this love of his. The wicked witch saw this love and she despised the Woodsman for his passion. She caused one accident after another for the Woodsman and with each accident the woodsman was cutting off a limb which would slow down his work. The Witch thought she was stopping his love.

The Woodsman found a tinsmith who could make a piece of tin that would replace his limb. The Woodsman now could work day and night and never tire. The witch saw this and finally she thought "I will take his heart". She did and the now Tin Man became so efficient at his work. The one thing; he forgot why and what he was working for. He lost his heart. The Woodsman, now Tinman wanted to see Oz so he could ask for a heart. He wished to remember/feel why he was working.

The greatest lost he experienced was not the loss of a limb but a loss of his heart.

Back to the beginning question: What if everything around us is a battle of good and evil? The enemy will steal our heart and now we walk aimlessly through life not knowing what we are doing all this for. Having the eyes to see and the ears to hear the enemies and the good of this world. This is our battle, it is all around us.

Rock on Freedom, you want freedom to reign. I want freedom to reign in my own life but as with the freedom we have in the United States it came at a cost. Many wars/battles have been fought and won to attain this freedom. We must fight, be aware there is a fight for our very own hearts.

Beachkid (Marcus)

Of Fire and Loss and People Far Away

Lisa Borden — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 04:34:13 -0800

It's never good to wake up to several emails saying things like, "Just want you to know that your boys are O.K." or "The fire is approaching campus but they are all in the gym."

Don't get me wrong. I am tremendously thankful for a handful of people, (most notably Tanya, Jenelle and Kjaere) who went into over-drive to give me frequent news of Jesse and Trevor's safety, mood and whereabouts.

But I am ahead of myself.

On Thursday, November 13th, at about 6pm California time, a wild fire broke out in the hills above Westmont College in Santa Barbara, (Montecito, to be exact.) The cause of the blaze is unknown at this time. What is known is that the 70 mile per hour winds took the fire and whipped it into a fast and furious inferno that engulfed the college and destroyed 14 faculty homes as well as a significant portion of one of the residence halls and several smaller buildings.

Within moments of smelling smoke and then spotting flames, the student body and everyone else on campus, was in the fire- proof gym where they ended up spending the night. The blaze ripped through campus and then up into the Riviera area of Santa Barbara and has (so far) taken at least 70 homes down in its 2,000 acre path.

Westmont students are off campus now, scattered here and there. They are waiting to hear if classes might resume by next Wednesday.

Those are some of the sparse details.

It has been 16 years since we lost our home in Loita to a fire.

I remember the surreal feeling of knowing that the house was gone. I remember the oddly pleasant feeling of lightness when I pondered the fact that I really didn't HAVE anything. (Painful but strangely good at the same time.)

Of course, I had everything that truly mattered. I had Byron, Jesse and Trevor and the 4 of us together made a wealth that nothing else could touch.

But all the little things were gone... The ring my mom gave me when I turned 11... The letters from my grandfather who lived in West Africa for 40 years... The baby blankets my grandmother had made for the boys... The note Byron wrote me on the night Jesse was born... The stuff of life, no more.

The loss of place is a more elusive feeling to deal with. There is a sacred nature to the shelters we call home. This is where we live and breathe and laugh and kiss and have our arguments and welcome our friends and make our tea and lay our tired selves down in the cool of night. This is where we grow and where we find the safety to dream tomorrow into being.

This space called home is nothing less than a holy place.

Today, I am thankful that no lives were lost. I am thankful for a well-planned emergency response and a dedicated crew of courageous fire-fighters. There is just so much I am thankful for.

But I am also sober and mindful of tender things. I don't know who all lost home Thursday night. I do know that my friends, Russell and Allison, lost theirs.

I know how much loss they have already experienced in the last few years. I know that cancer took their lovely teenage daughter and then raged in Allison's body as well. I know that they have been rebuilding life as a three-some with their son, Travis.

And now home is gone. The place where they tended gently to their dying daughter and escorted her as far as they could go as she slipped away from them has "gone with the water" as the Maasai would say.

My Maasai friends came to sit with me when my house burned down. Over the next couple of weeks, my friends would arrive with a bag of sugar or a bowl and spoon or some other gift, and sit quietly with me. If I was busy with the work of living in camping mode, I would pause to receive their companionship.

Jesse and Trevor said they saw Russell working hard all night to help the evacuated students. When they passed him on their way out the next morning, they asked after his house. It hit them hard to realize that he was serving others while his own home was burning down.

I guess I wish I could sit with Russell and Allison today.

No need for words. "What good are words now?"

Just the unglamorous gift of presence.

365

Marcus Santi — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 22:51:04 -0800

Clay,

Got a quickie story for you. It was about this time 5 years ago. I was given an assignment to train the U of Memphis women’s soccer team. This team just came off a year where the football team and this team won the same amount of games, 5. The only difference is the football team had 11 opportunities and this team had 20 opportunities to win games.

This was the worst team on campus. I got in front of them and spoke with them.The one thing I told them is this: “If you want to be a champion on the field be a champion off the field. It will first start off the field of play and then you will find it happening on the field of play. Every day when we train you will have the opportunity to win. We have 365 days in a year; every night when you lay your head on your pillows ask yourself ‘did I win today in my life?’ ‘Did I give my best in what I did today?’ We have 365 opportunities to win this year.”

We went on to win 13 games that season (school record for wins). It was the second largest turn around in NCAA women’s soccer that year.

Clay- both you and I have 365 opportunities to win over the course of a year. I cannot say I have won each day of my life. We are a team. We can win today. Let’s do it!! Name one thing you will do today and do it to your best. “We win Gracie!!!” (Armageddon)

Beach Kid

Isaiah 40:31 (NewInternational Version)
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Overcoming Disabilities

Christy Tennant — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700

I have a number of close friends with disabilities, and through these friendships, I have come to believe that very few people are truly "disabled." Don't get me wrong - we need to do more to make every day life easier and more accessible for people in wheelchairs or with other physical limitations. But there is so much "disabled" people can do.

My friend Ji has Cerebral Palsy, but she has a job and has just moved into her first apartment. She is one of the bravest people I know, and has had to work very hard to get to this season of life. My friend Richard, who has CP and mental impairment due to a childhood car accident, also works and enjoys reading, delivering mail and doing other tasks to help out the office where he works. My friend Chris, with the most severe CP I've ever seen, is one of the wittiest, funniest people I know, and his friendship means the world to me.

I know others with disabilities who view their limitations as reasons to simply give up on life. But because of people like Ji and Richard and Chris, I'm realizing more and more that the true disabilities are not really physical ones - they're emotional. The disabilities that keep some men from marrying, keep some women from opening their hearts to true friendship with other women, or keep all sorts of people from pursuing a dream. It's the disability of fear of failure, fear of ridicule, fear of looking stupid that is truly a disability.

I say all of this because I came across this dog that has really affirmed my take on physical disabilities -specifically, that they do not necessarily have to keep you down. Introducing Faith the Dog. Click the link to view a remarkable and inspiring video.

This was a reminder to me that I need to stop complaining and start walking... by faith.

Is it Better to Be Fat and Fit Than Skinny and Unfit?

Michelle Grant — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 12:48:40 -0700

Is a person’s weight really a reliable indicator of overallhealth?

Some medical research is showing that it isn’t. Last week areport in The Archives of Internal Medicine compared weight andcardiovascular risk factors among a representative sample of more than 5,400adults. Half of the overweight people and one-third of obese people in thestudy were “metabolically healthy.” That means that many overweight and obeseadults may have healthy levels of “good” cholesterol, blood pressure, and bloodglucose.

At the same time, about one out of four slim people in the studyactually had at least two cardiovascular risk factors typically associated withobesity.

Being overweight or obese is definitely linked with numeroushealth problems. Nonetheless, researchers found the proportion of overweightand obese people who are metabolically healthy surprising.

Several studies have shown that fitness, as determined by how aperson performs on a treadmill, is a far better indicator of health than bodymass index. Some research has indicated that people who are fat but can stillkeep up on treadmill tests have much lower heart risk than people who are slimand unfit.

Sources:

New York Times August 18, 2008

Archives ofInternal Medicine August, 2008; 168(15):1617-1624

www.mercola.com

Summer Break? Not for Cancer

Craig Detweiler — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 08:52:25 -0700

While summer should be winding down, a few things are still cranking up. The track and field events are about to start at the Summer Olympics in Beijing. Rick Warren of Saddleback Church is about to host a forum for presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain. And the Democratic Party will be staging their made for TV convention in Denver. Where will I be? In Europe, fighting cancer at the first Reel Lives Film Festival in Geneva.

A few years ago, as John Marks and I finished filming the first part of a Purple State of Mind, my precious wife was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma. It was quite a blow. Cancer snuck up on our family and delivered a sucker punch when we least expected it. Unfortunately, cancer never takes a summer break.

A combination of chemotherapy, prayer and In ‘n Out Burgers carried Caroline to the far side of the struggle. The entire ordeal nearly killed her. But we are thrilled to report she remains 100% cancer free two years after her treatment. Amidst the battle, we couldn’t see very much positive or helpful coming from cancer. We still consider it an unjust, insidious killer.

So how do we counter cancer? Research must remain a global funding priority. Regular screenings and early checkups are a tremendous help. I'm doing my part to spread the word. I’ve been privileged to serve as the programmer for the inaugural Reel Lives: The Cancer Chronicles Film Festival, taking place in Geneva, Switzerland this August. Reel Lives is being held in conjunction with the bi-annual World Cancer Congress. It represents a partnership between the International Union Against Cancer and the generosity of sponsors like Glaxo Smith Kline. I’ve been privileged to combine my first hand experience as a caregiver against cancer with my film festival expertise.

So Dr. Film will take a summer break from blogging. But I’ll be roaring back in September, ready to rumble with my faithful readers.

Thy Kingdom Come (as long as I can control it)

Bonnie Lewis — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 08:27:01 -0700

The best thing about a good song is the beat. Now a days, people are always making iPod playlists, car soundtracks, and video montages with that perfect song because life is just a bit better when walking to a beat. This is most likely one of the biggest driving forces behind the sales and the obsession with the iPod. According to arecent study there are approximately 70 million current iPod users. [1] Take a second and think about that number. An average heart beats103,680 beats in a day. That means that if music was blood, there is enough music being played in to give 67,515 people breath. These white ear-buds give it’s owners the ability to drown out the societal noises of cars honking, baristas screaming and even their own thoughts and get lost in a rhythm that seems tobeat the same thump-thump of the emotions of their heart. But why, why must there be anelectronic phenomenon to create this rhythm? Is this world so chaotic that ears must be stuffed full ofbeats in order to truly hear? Must footsteps really be in tune to the latest and greatest song, or were they meantto hit the pavement to different sort of rhythm?

The Old Testament is filled with rituals, dietary laws, and festivals all centered around food. Celebrated yearly, at the same time, and with the same guidelines, these feasts and festivals imprinted a rhythm on the lives of the Jewish nation. They were feasts the Israelites could count on, rules they knew like the back of their hand, and blessings which they hoped for. These rituals have been continued on till today, and food holds the central part of the guidelines. One Rabbi refers to these festivals as a map of understanding and referenced these festivals as “lodgings for travelers making their way throughthe year.”[2] They have become more than holidays, but instead sign posts of the cyclical calendar of food and Scripture. Remembrance of provision. This calendar puts into place a seamless connection between food theology and God, and unlike in the Church today, they went together like peanut butter and jelly,not like water and oil.

Take the Passover meal. Today, it’s known as communion. Some take it weekly, some monthly and others never have really gotten the point of it. The communion meal began as Jesus’ Passover dinner. It commemorated the Exodusfrom Egypt and served as a reminder of God’s provision and faithfulness among His people. This story was knownby everyone who was Jewish, and so the Passover meal played a central role in their faith. Food, not only in Passover, but other contexts as well, became the beat that held the rhythm of remembering God’s faithfulness together. Could it be, that this rhythmic pattern of food has been lost in culture today? The number of people with eating disorders is three times the number of people who are diagnosed with AIDS.[3] If that is not shocking, then perhaps the fact that 15% of women who are pregnant have eating disorders and will give birth to babies who are malnourished. Globally, the price of grains and bread has sky-rocketed by 83%[4],making something as easy as bread to buy be close to impossible to some foreign countries, yet in some parts of the world there is an over abundance of food. Didn’t Jesus teach His followers to pray for “daily bread?” Why, then, is it so hard to find? In 1970, the average amount of food available to an average person was 1,675 pounds of food in one year. Since then, it has jumped by16% and now the average person has 1,950 pounds of food available a year. [5]With more food, then shouldn’t there be less starvation? The problem is that with the rise in food production, there has been a rise in food consumption. On average, people are consuming 42% more calories a day, and people are 74% more likely to be obese than in 1970 yet over half of Americans do not think their diet needs to change.[6] The statistics are jumping all over the board, but so is humanity. Food in overabundance and in deficiency costs $250 billion dollars in medical costs a year with over half (53.3%) of caused deaths. On some level the issue is overweight and underweight-neither are healthy. But on the other, more prominent hand, the question should not be pertaining to the amount of food available, but what is done with that which has been given. God gives man authority to enjoy food and drink in Genesis. In the New Testament Christ feeds 5,000 with two loves of bread and a few fish. However, how come these essentials to life have become so incredibly mis-treated?

Over eating, hording, under-eating, starvation and wastefulness is an epidemic that is just as awful as the starving children in the Sudan, and honestly; it’s worse. Many can afford the food but it has so much control over their hearts that they choose to starve themselves. One of the top three causes of death in America is dieting.[7]What sort of rhythm is that? Thisis just as awful as the consumption of food going up…whether we are eating too much or too little, there is not a rhythm in our lives and it is invading that which has been designed to remind us of God’s provision.

Close in on Sarah. She is a seventeen-year-old girl who, like most her age, is struggling with her body. Is she too skinny? Too fat? To dark? Too light? As she harmlessly posesthese questions in her mind, she begins to dissect her being. Day after day she dissects a bit farther and it’s not long until that scalpel has penetrated her core. She begins to hate the way she looks and she wants to change it, and so as she flips through the TV commercials, she can’t help but notice that food seems to be the proposed answer. Drink Juice for 72 hours. Eat only vegetables. Count calories. Get the results you want. Overwhelmed by all the choices, she walks away decides to try the mall. Determined, she begins to control her intake of food, her exercise habits…which eventually, will controlher body…her mind…and the way she views everything else.

About 45 million Americans diet each year, spending about $1 to 2 billion dollars on weight loss programs a year.[8] Whatever happened to a balanced diet and regular exercise? The truth is that that takes time, money and effort, none of which people have excess of. Weight Watchers is the only diet that has proven effects of weight loss, and this program takes lots of time and effort[9]. One must calculate out food, can’t eat whatever they want, and must exercise as part of the program. Other fad diets, like manufactured pills, eating only a certain kind of food, and never having to exercise give results for a few hours or few days at best, but do not show long term change. This is because food is not meant to be consumed in this way; it is meant for health, balance, structure and a reminder of that which is sacred.

God chose to use food to explain His Kingdom fully aware of the imbalance. Manna was given to Israelites in the Exodus on a daily basis, each day they were given what they needed for that day alone. No more and no less. In fact, if anyone tried to save some for the next day because they did not believe it would be provided, it would be inedible in the morning. In addition, Jesus begs His followers not to worry about food and drink, because He knows it will be provided for them. But in a culture that is obsessed with diet and control, he provision of God’s kingdom is not understood, because there is not a practice of understanding the provision of health that comes from food.

Fast forward six years down the road from Sarah’s teen years. She is now 23 and after long sessions of eating disorder counseling, countless sharing of her testimony, and daily battles, she has stepped over the bridge of mental turmoil and into a place of healing. She can eat her food now and not think of the calories, she can go to the gym because she enjoys it, and she can look in the mirror and believe that she is beautiful. However, regardless of what she eats, how much she eats, and what she does for exercise, Sarah seems to struggle with other issues in her life that never seemed to important before. She has no money. How will she pay off her loans? Payrent? She is constantly worried about the well being of her family. Are they safe? And after a string of hopeless relationships she begins to wonder if she will ever get married. Like any “good” Christian would do, Sarah opens her Bible to the teaching of Jesus. She is immediately faced with parables,examples, writings, of that which used to haunt her: food. Banquets. Feasts. Wedding dinners. Feeding 5,000 out of two loaves of bread and two fish. Jesus relies on food to tell about the provision of His Kingdom. It is open to all, and will provide for all. But Sarah is so used to controlling food and the results which it will produce, she is having a hard time fighting off controlling the Kingdom in her own life.

The treatment and understanding of food should be parallel to the treatment and understanding of the Gospel . Unfortunately, the power asserted over food and the effect it has, has been transferred into power over the Gospel. Paul warns the Church about this power struggle Romans 14. In fact, he uses food as an example of a divisive nature. He knows that food has the ability to separate and to judge, just as much as it has the ability to bring people together. So in a world that is divided much by food, a correct diagnosis of the problem is needed. In a recent study, 6 out of 10 Americans say that Aids and poor nutrition are the most serious problems in Africa. By ignorance, we have labeled Africa as the only place with these problems. What is not seen, is that globally, 88% of Africa suffers from poor nutrition and 80% of the rest of the world suffers from it as well. The problem cannot be diagnosed as only pertaining to under-developed countries. Foreign Aid policiesare often marked by needs which are thought the most important, but often they are grossly mistaken. Instead, it must be understood that it is an epidemic that has invaded humankind. As Christians, it as part of the cycle of this world, but also as having deep ties to Christ and the Kingdom of God. Unfortunately food as the source of life is marked by control, doubt, greed, waste, gluttony and pride and the deeper understanding that food is supposed to give has been lost. Is the current state of food consumption a reflection on the consumption of the Gospel? Pick and choose what tastes good, what will give the desired results, and throw the rest to those who we think need to hear it.

[1] http://mac360.com/index.php/mac360/comments/ipod_users_lies_damned_lies_and_statistics/

[2] Strassfeld,Michael. The Jewish Holidays, Harper Quill. New York, 2001.p 1

[3] http://www.ars.usda.gov/Services/docs.htm?docid=14958

[4] http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89697004

[5] http://www.globalissues.org/TradeRelated/Consumption.asp

[6] Ibid

[7] Ibid

[8] http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/01/03/health/main664519.shtml

[9]Ibid

Confessions of an Addict

Bonnie Lewis — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 21:24:04 -0700

Every time the 9-5 life sets in, I begin to down coffee like it's part of my job. Not only does my checking account begin to go down (because I have fallen for the Starbucks lure) but my addiction sky rockets. In college, I would drink about 6 cups a day. Yes, you heard me: 6. I loved it. Loved the sound of it brewing, loved the taste of it, loved watching the milk swirl like a Monet painting as I poured it in....ok I sound crazy. But so was my addiction. I'd take it anyway that it came: steaming hot with a biscotti, over ice, no frills in a double shot, flavored with vanilla or carmel, or toffee nut, frozen and blended...you name, I would drink it. My addiction came to a halt when I came down with an awful cold and could not eat or drink anything except herbal tea. The bite the tea gave to my coffee-loving tongue was almost unbearable, but it was the results that kept me drinking it. Perhaps my other addiction you should know about it my love for buying books. (Which is why, although I think it's the neatest thing to be able to buy a book at the tip of your fingers, I will never buy a Kindle because just as Video Killed the Radio Star, I fear that Kindle will kill the smell of brand new turning pages....) So as I am sick, and beginning to like tea, I purchased The Ultimate Tea Diet. And in it I found a few daunting facts:

What coffee does for your body:

1.a lower risk of type 2 diabetes

2. a reduced risk of parkinson's disease

3. A reduced risk of liver damage in people at high risk of liver disease

4. A 50% lower risk of developing gallstones

5. traps body fat

6. increases stress

7. causes insomnia, anxiety and irritability

8. causes heartburn and indigestion

9. increases cholesterol levels in people who drink unfiltered coffee (including espresso)

10. contributes to an increased risk of osteoporosis in postmenopausal women

11. contributes to a worsening of PMS symptoms in some women

12. reduces fertility in women trying ot conceive

13. increases blood pressure

14. raises blood sugars

15. slows metabolism

16. negatively affects sleep, which can increase your appetite

17. leads to higher levels of inflammatory substances that have been linked to heart attacks and strokes.

Things tea can do for you:

1. raise the rate of your metabolism, causing an increase in fat burn

2. tea has an amazing success rate of helping to prevent cancer:

tea has EGCG that can inhibit the formulation of tumors and slow the growth of those already formed
the antioxidant power of tea is 100 times greater than Vitamin C and 25 times greater than Vitamin E in protecting DNA from free radical damage that can cause cancer
women that consumed at least 26 ounces of green tea leaves each year had a 39% reduced risk of breast cancer...this equal 300 cups a year, which is not even a cup a day!
woman who consumed two cups of black or green tea a day reduced the risk of ovarian cancer by 46%

So as I have put down my coffee mug and picked up my kettle, I can't help but think about other addictions in my life. If a drink can control my body, what philosophies, or ideas are addictions that no matter what I know about it to be addictive, control my way of life?

Hello. My name is Bonnie, and I used to be addicted to relevance.

It is the word that is taking Theology by storm, and in the Emergent Church is has become their mantra. People are saying that the Word is dying, that only metaphors work now, and I would venture to say that it has become an addiction. Sermons are being replaced with "fresh ideas", parables replaced with rough interpretations, and by throwing out the spoken Word with images, we are seriously endangering the message of the Gospel. Like making smart choices in the way we eat, we need to make smart choices in where we go to church, what we read...what we consume. I still agree that as this generation continues to grow that we do need to be "relevant" but to the point that we disregard the bread of life? Think of it this way: would we put toxins into our body even though we know they are toxic? Yes. We would...and we do.

How scary is that?

In John 21, Jesus and Peter have an exchange about Peter's love for Jesus.

"Simon, Son of Jon, do you truly love me more than these?"

"Yes, Lord,' he said, 'You know that I love you."

"Then feed my lambs."

This exchange happens two more times; the second response of Jesus being "Take care of my sheep." and the third, "Feed my sheep".

In Greek, "feed my lambs" literally means to feed or tend, and lambs refers to lambs of all ages. We must not be so relevant that we exclude any generation.

"Take care of my sheep" , translated, means to "be a shepherd" of my sheep. To be a shepherd is to take care of the sheep, to watch over them, to go and get one when he or she goes astray. How can we Shepherd God's people when we have thrown out the source of food that we feed and guide them? We must not be so relevant that we put down our staffs and expect the flock to know where to go.

"Feed my sheep" again refers to to the feeding or tending to God's people.

Jesus did not say "If you love worship, then feed my sheep." Nor does He say, "If you love them, then close your ears to my words." We must not be so relevant that we love being heard by people more than we love to listen to Jesus.

Where are you addicted to the trends of relevance?

Work Undone

Jeannine Seery — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:24:20 -0700

This past Tuesday, my husband reported for work promptly at 8am, just as he does every weekday. His coworkers began to trickle in, slowly, as those in the technology world are want to do. All but one.

Two hours later, his entire department was called into a conference room and informed that one of his coworkers had been killed the night before. A 39 year old man, living in NYC, he left his job on Monday evening and while stopped at a red light was hit and instantly killed by a driver under the influence of drugs. My husband, stunned, described to me the surreal feeling as he passed by his friends cubicle and saw piles of papers he'd been working on the day before scattered on his desk. Work he fully intended to complete, work that will now remain undone.

It's made me think more about the work I've left undone lately. Phone calls I haven't returned, emails I haven't answered. Time I haven't spent with my children doing the things they enjoy or my husband just talking and laughing together. I have too much on my plate today. I'll get to it tomorrow. Or the next day. Or when my little ones go back to school. Or when they go off to college. Someday, I'll find the time.

Psalm 103:15-16 (NLT) says the following:

Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows and we are gone-- as though we had never been here.

I've resolved to be more intentional about tending to the things that really matter to me. Today. While my days may be like wildflowers, I want their fragrance to extend to the ones I love while it is still strong enough for us to enjoy them together. And when the wind blows and I fly to meet my Creator, I want to know that I've fulfilled the plans He had for me. I don't want to leave my life's work undone.

my mind at war

Drew Bray — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:00:43 -0700

The quest for the knowledge of good and evil (the original curse and the one from which so many others are born) rubs up against the virtue of having an open mind and this is the battle that often renders me unproductive. William Young, in his novel The Shack, frames these often opposing forces as such: expectation versus expectancy.

Here’s an example: we recently moved into a new home. The garage, up until last weekend, was an absolute disaster. Standard stuff really – boxes, gear, bags, equipment and so on – general mayhem. For some reason I have a goal to park cars in garages. So the gauntlet was laid down. And here’s what my “attack” looked like. I got out there in clothes I predicted would get dirty and torn and shoes that would be sturdy yet comfortable for the many trips up a ladder. Then I got right to it! I started staring. Just looking at it all. Not doing much. Just looking. But from all sorts of angles mind you. Just to be sure. Sure of what I’m not sure but sure enough I was doing it. Staring. Unproductively.

Or was I? I told myself, “There has to be a plan here, some way this is all supposed to be put together.” The only way to figure that out was to stare, right? Then there’s the “just go with it, man” part of me. An equally strong part of me. A part that said, “Just start moving a few things around and it’ll all come together. But please do something because Ali is going to keep on coming in here and you’re looking kind of dumb just standing around.” Somehow, the best of both worlds eventually collide in an exquisite moment of intense productivity. But it takes a while. (By the way, the inaugural drive out of my garage the next morning brought me far too much satisfaction.)

Such is the case with sorting out my opinions. It’s the left brain vs. the right. Cognitive vs. Emotional. Pragmatic vs. Whimsical. So if I come across as one who seems like he’s a bit mixed up at times, now you know why. You know, perhaps a better description for the dynamic is a dance than a war. And much like getting a chance to watch my folks dance - it's obvious they've had practice because it all looks good to me and they definitely seem to know where they're going with each other.

… soon back to the regularly scheduled programming