single women

"Do you think I can't take care of you?"

Christy Tennant — Mon, 24 May 2010 00:00:00 -0700

Two posts ago, I told you about how I recently started using a new Bible reading plan from Zondervan to help give some structure to my morning devotional Bible study times, and I mentioned that within five minutes of reading the first day's selection (Numbers 11), I got the feeling that God was speaking to me about a specific prayer request I recently laid before him.

Last post, I told you what that prayer request was. I shared with you that for my recent birthday, I made a specific birthday wish (a.k.a. prayer), asking my heavenly father for husbands for several of my close single girlfriends who are over 35 and really want to be married.

So what does Numbers 11 have to do with this request? Click here to read it, and then come back to this post.

1) The people of God were complaining.

I do this sometimes. I complain, and I confess that I sometimes get other people to complain with me by complaining to them in a way that they are forced to agree with me. I did it with a friend over the weekend, and I did it again with my co-workers at lunch. Specifically, I was complaining about the fact that so many wonderful women I know who are in their late 30's and early 40's are still single, while several single men I know who are also in their late 30's and early 40's say they want to be married, but either don't make an effort to date, or they are really picky (I don't like the way she laughs... she's not a good cook and I want a woman who knows how to cook... she said something that reminded me of my mother and it really freaked me out), or they are holding out for much younger women. (I know two men in particular who are over 40, yet list on their online dating profiles that they want someone 27-30 "because I want to have a family..." Is anyone else out there troubled by this?)

2) God was not pleased with these complaints.

Even as I wrote the paragraph above, I was convicted again that getting mad about this is not helpful. Complaining is just never attractive or spiritually edifying. We are called to love our brothers in Christ, not judge or belittle them - neither to their faces, nor behind their backs. Is it hard to deal with these circumstances? Yes, it is. Is it a bit nauseating to discover that a 40-something man with a Ralph Kramden and a two-decade-long history of discarding perfectly good prospects is asking eHarmony to match him with an "athletic 27 year old?" Yes, it is.

But getting upset about it takes a very small view of God. In fact, when I am at the height of my complaining about "those men," I am also at the height of my own pride, thinking that I know better than God how things ought to be, and subconciously angry at God for not doing a better job of providing for his daughters. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger, indeed.

3) It's just never good to doubt God's ability to provide.

When God told Moses he heard the peoples' requests and was going to provide, Moses took a good look at the circumstances - 600,000 people asking for meat - and doubted God's word. Sometimes, I do the same thing when I take a look at the sea of women in my life who are 35-plus and still single and the men in my life who are qualified spouses. Like Moses, the task just seems too daunting.

But, "God answered Moses, 'So, do you think I can't take care of you? You'll see soon enough whether what I say happens for you or not.'"

God was chastising Moses, and I feel somewhat chastised as well.

But I'm also encouraged. God said, "You'll see soon enough..." You'll see soon enough, Christy, whether God is able to give good gifts to those who ask him.

And I'm asking. More than ever before, I am asking God for husbands for several of my dear, beloved friends before my next birthday. That would be the best present I could think of.

This whole thing has also exposed to me that my view of prayer has diminished. I've been so discouraged about this whole "scene" that I've just stopped praying about it altogether. So now that I'm aware of it and feeling the admonition to pray boldly, I'm going for it - in public, right here on Ferry Dust.

Game on.

My Birthday Wish Goes Public

Christy Tennant — Fri, 21 May 2010 00:00:00 -0700

My birthday was Monday, May 17, but the celebration of my birthday has become more of a season than a day. I am blessed to have a lot of really amazing friends, and we are celebrating with mini-parties of 2-4 people at a time, going out for dinner, seeing plays, going to museums, and more.

The first celebration took place on Thursday, May 13, when my friend Kara took me to one of my favorite restaurants in Staten Island, Adobe Blues. Then, Friday I was with relatives for dinner at Beyoglu, Saturday was dinner (Thai) and a play (Falmouth Theatre Guild's "The Secret Garden") and then drinks and live music at Liam Maguire's in Falmouth (Cape Cod). Monday was lunch with my co-workers at one of my favorite restaurants in Manhattan, Simply Pasta, and then dinner with my two NYC-based cousins at Persepolis, which was a replacement for our original destination, which was packed with a long wait. (This was a fortuitous change of plans... I found out about Persepolis from my OpenTable iPhone app, and it was a wonderful dining experience. Their homemade rose ice cream - yes, I said rose - was heavenly.)

There are several more gatherings to come, and I can't wait. (Though I do need to up the ante on my exercise routine... this is some serious eating I don't usually do!)

All of this is to say, I have had several opportunities to "make a wish," and this year I have done something I have never done before: I have used that moment to say to my heavenly Father, "For my birthday, I am asking you, King of the Universe AND my loving Father, for..."

Something very specific. Something that has been frustrating for me for some time, and He (and He alone) has the power to do something about it.

Want to know my wish?

Here it is.

I have asked God for husbands. That's right, husbands. With an "s." I have several friends who are amazing, beautiful, talented, nurturing, loving, emotionally healthy, professionally accomplished, women over 35 who want very much to be married. They are also devoted Christians who are not willing to marry a man who is not, likewise, a devoted and mature follower of Christ. But other than that one non-negotiable, these women are open to many possibilities.

These women are talented in many different ways, but all of them are fun, energetic, creative, loving, and into various activities like hiking, traveling, reading, cooking, entertaining, and more. And whenever I spend time with them, I think to myself, "you are such an amazing woman. Why haven't you been discovered by some man yet?"

I confess, I spent some time with one such friend recently lamenting the sad state of dating for Christians over 35. We blasted several men we know who are over 35, still single, claim that they want to be married, but seem to be holding out for 20-somethings who look like the woman in the Banana Republic or J. Crew catalog, are able to lead a Bible study, and don't mind that the guy has a wierd attachment to his mom and his XBox.

(We repented quickly, realizing that we were not edifying one another or treating these men with the love Christ has commanded us to have for them.) But it was around that time, when I was all riled up about how frustrating some of these guys are, that I realized that I needed to take this straight to God in the form of a specific request presented to Him (Phil 4:5-7).

So I did. I asked God for husbands. And then I got really bold and asked that He give these women husbands for my birthday before my next birthday.

I'll keep you posted here. And since I do believe that, when it comes to prayer, there is power in numbers, I welcome you to add your "yes" and "amen" to my request. One of the things I love about being in God's Kingdom is that you can pray in South Africa or El Salvador or England, and I can pray in New York City, and to God, it's like we're standing shoulder-to-shoulder in front of his throne of grace.

Last post, I told you that I would be sharing about how my new "30 Stories You've Probably Never Heard" Bible reading planned rocked my world recently. And I will, but I'm afraid that story has to wait til the next post. I realized I needed to give you the set up first. So check back for how God used Numbers 11 to correct my attitude and encourage me to believe that He heard my birthday wish, loud and clear.

All the Single Ladies

Abbie Smith — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 13:46:48 -0700

I'm prepping for a talk on “Single Women in Ministry” and would love your feedback. What comes to mind when you hear that phrase? Who/what (if anything) has been meaningful to you toward feeling included in the church, or complete in your identity as a single? (Marrieds and men with feedback, feel free to pipe-in!)