How to Invest Your Money

Christopher Faris — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 13:12:37 -0800

How did it get so cold in here?

Kids, full time work, and a vacation from the gym – these are all things that are likely to happen after the big day. You used to dress up and look really great for your wife but now you settle for sweat pants and faded Nirvana t-shirts. You used to put effort into your time together, but something happened – You got busy with the kids, distracted by your job, or stuck in a routine to take care of business. You’re tired.

It’s hard, and I get it. I have been married for over 7 years. I love my wife but can definitely identify with those dry seasons. So, I want to speak to the fellas for a moment. Yeah – You who sits on the couch with the PS3 controller and Madden on the screen. Or you who happens to be reading this little post in your office when you could be at home, or you who knows more stats about the Los Angeles Lakers than your own family. It’s time to wake up and claim your marriage back.

Oh, but you don’t feel it you say? Too much work? Feeling unappreciated? Too little sex? Okay – well my bad. Wait for her to change and then you can start caring again. While you are waiting, I would like to suggest something to you: She likely feels the same way. You’re both stuck, complacent, and immobile. It happens to everyone. The question is - What do we do to move on?

Consider this analogy – Both you and her emotions are a bit like a bank account. You are constantly withdrawing from each other and being withdrawn by life circumstances. To make matters worse, you are choosing to get deposits for yourself from part time money. Your investment strategy sucks. Could be things like excessive videogaming or too much ESPN. Or it could be false investments like porn or too much alcohol. That stuff ruins you, and it doesn’t make you a better man. Cut it out.

It’s time to make investments with real money again. You need to look at her bank account and start making some deposits like you used to. Like the time you spent all week getting the details right for a date night, or the weekend away you planned that she had no idea about. Wives love that kind of stuff.

Habits and routines settle in from our families of origin (ask her how she spent Saturday’s growing up – how about you?), the lack of ability to actually talk about how you feel, and the demands of the postmarital stages of life. It makes banking more complicated when what you think is a $1000.00 deposit amounts to little more than 25 cents to her. This kind of stuff takes real communication, forgiveness, and commitment – true love demands that you choose to love her everyday even when you don’t feel like it.

So, here is the plan – for the next 4 weeks, you are planning a date night. Pick a consistent night. How does Friday sound? You have to plan something each week that you think she will like. Don’t start with excuses like how you can’t get a babysitter, she won’t like your ideas, or you think you are supposed to volunteer at church in a couple weeks. Pony up the dough for the sitter, you’re wrong – she’ll love it, and tell your pastor you can’t make it. She is far more valuable and important than other people. Get some creativity back in the mix too – buy a book with clever date night ideas in it, confidentially ask your peers about great date night ideas that have worked for them (or if you can suggest one, please post it below in the comments section!), or go with the Grand Daddy of them all – Plan a mini-moon.

Mini-moon’s are 1-2 night getaways where you spend a little extra cash for a nice hotel (or if she likes camping, go that route) and splurge a bit. It’s ironic that it might feel irresponsible when it might actually be among the more responsible things you can do. And don’t make it hard – choose a location a couple hours away at the most. My wife and I are fortunate enough to live in Orange County, so mini-moons often end up with drives to San Diego, Palm Springs, Big Bear, or Santa Barbara. We have even stayed within Orange County. We go every couple of months. We have yet to have a mini-moon where we both came back feeling nothing less than refreshed.

It’s funny – I know that a common hold up is worrying about the kids. But let me assure you: a happier Mommy and Daddy is far better for them than a miserable or even mediocre one. So, open the checkbook of life, and drop some cash into her account. You’ll be amazed at how full your account will start to be again.

And for God’s sake, stop wearing that stupid Nirvana shirt.

ANTICIPATING AVATAR

Craig Detweiler — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 22:31:27 -0800

Anticipation is building for the December 18th arrival of James Cameron’s first feature in 12 years, AVATAR. Reports about the budget rising above $300 million have resulted in striking similarities to the fear and trembling in Hollywood that preceded Titanic. Cameron is one of the only directors who can secure so much financial backing on an original script. The studios don’t mind risking so much money on a known quantity like a superhero film (Spiderman) or a sequel (Transformers). But with Avatar, Cameron has brought an entirely new world of the Na’bi in eyepopping 3D technology. The New Yorker chronicled his chutzpah in remarkable detail.

While the initial trailer failed to meet expectations, star Sigourney Weaver suggests that fans will find the finished film irresistible. She figures three or four trips to the theater will become the norm. Surely, Fox is hoping for the kind of repeat business and word of mouth that blasted Titanic into gargantuan heights.

Yesterday’s LA Times also highlights two interesting connections. A USC linguistics professor created the language assigned to the Na-bi tribe. Will it become a fanboys delight, rivaling their affection for the Klingon spoken in the Star Trek series? Or will it sound silly, raising regretable echoes of Jar Jar Binks?

The video game version of Avatar arrives tomorrow. Cameron wisely developed the game alongside the movie (rather than waiting to create an unsatisfying knock off of the film’s story). It demonstrates how much the lines between gaming and movies have blurred. Evidently, the University of California at Irvine has created a new major in game science. What was dismissed as flyweight entertainment just ten years ago, now has earned academic credibility. Sounds like the time is right for a book that studies the spiritual implications of video games and virtual worlds.

I just happen to have just finished editing a stellar collection of essays entitled, HALOS AND AVATARS: Playing Video Games with God. Honestly, I am thrilled by how well this book came together. My contributors are quite brilliant. The book raises surprising and timely themes about eternal tensions like predestination versus free will. And what will terms like ‘born again’ mean in a world in which everyone already has a Second Life and multiple Miis? In coming weeks, I hope to highlight the various chapters and contributors. But for now, how about ordering an early Christmas present—Halos and Avatars arrives in January.