It’s My Pity Party – and YOU”RE Invited!

            Being single and an active member in the “dating scene” is not easy.  Nor is it even fun.  Dating sucks.  It’s basically two people regurgitating the same information over and over.  Job, hobbies, family, etc.  

Dating especially sucks for me.  Perhaps I am a glutton for punishment –but I just have this need to create awkward situations.  I love to ask questions that make people uncomfortable. 

Usually on a first date (and this is a very mild example) I love to ask the girl to “tell me something new”.  Anything.  About themselves, or their beliefs, or the world in general.  Just something that I don’t already know or haven’t already thought about.  Yes, it’s true – I am fishing here.  Fishing for something profound.  Unfortunately, 96% of women take this opportunity to tell me their sign.  As if the fact that they are a Libra is of any concern to me.  The only good that comes from this is that I now know I don’t have to waste my time with a second date. 

And what do the other 4% of women say?  You tell me – try it out.  I believe the answer to this question tells a lot about a person.  It is a great first date tester.

So dating has been reduced to the trial and error test method, and while the old adage is true – there are plenty of fish in the sea – lets be realistic:

  I am 5’8” (on a good day) which really eliminates any girl 5’7” or above.

            Suddenly the sea has become a lake.

I am really only interested in dating a Christian girl.

            The lake is receding.

And when I say “Christian” I mean someone who actually has a relationship with Jesus.

            The lake is now a pond.

I also want a girl who will love my dog, appreciate my weird sense of humor, and play a few rounds of Wii tennis with me in my living room.

            The pond is now a puddle.

  And now you see the predicament that I am in.  Where does a guy like me meet girls?  Church right?  Wrong.  Let me paint you that picture:  

Let’s say that I do go to church and I even see an attractive girl a few pews up from me… There is really only one thing to do – approach her after the service:

 

Scenario #1:  (Probability 57%)  She has a boyfriend and introduces him to me.  Awkward.

Result:  I have to now go to a different service because that guy for sure knows I was trying to scam on his girl.

  Scenario #2:  (Probability 41%) She is weirded-out by the guy (me) who apparently goes to church just to meet chicks.  Awkward.

Result:  I have to now go to a different church entirely because she has warned all her friends about the creep who hits on women after church.

  Scenario #3:  (Probability 2%) She actually responds well.  And, after my initial shock wears off, I ask her to coffee.  We go on a few dates.  Nothing comes of it.

Result:  I now become the awkward Jr. High version of myself every time I run into her.

  Single guys, can I get an Amen!? 

So why do I constantly put myself through the torturous rituals of dating?  Is it because I crave the friendship of a true and loyal life-companion?  No – that’s what I have my dog for.  Perhaps it is to appease the longings of all my married friends.  Or perhaps it is because the not-so-subtle nagging of my parents has finally found its way into my subconscious.  Whatever the reason may be - I will strive to be happy exactly where I am.  I’d like to think it is exactly where God wants me to be….for now.

Pity Party over.