My friend Greg lost one of his dogs the other day.    Yesterday at 6 a.m. I got a phone call about the dog.

First of all, my French is OK but not on the phone.  Secondly, my French is even worse at 6 a.m. This is where it gets sketchy. The person on the other end sounded like they were using one of those voice changing devices or something. They ended up sounding like they had just sucked down a tank of helium. They did say that they have the dog, though, so that was good news.

Later the guy stopped by Greg’s house (without the dog).  Now the negotiations start.  Why we needed to negotiate to get the dog back I’m really not sure other than this is Burkina.  I’ll do my best to put the conversation into a script form.

Me: Do you have the dog or have you just seen the dog?
Dog Mobster: Yes
Me: Yes what?
DM: I saw the dog the other day.   It fell in the canal.
Me: Is the dog dead?
DM: No, he’s not dead.
Me: Well, where is the dog?
DM: It’s with my cousin.  How much are we getting paid?
Me: We can pay, but can I see the dog?
DM: No.
Me: Then I want to see the dog to make sure it’s OK. Then we’ll talk about payment. Can you bring the dog here?
DM: No.
Me: Wait here. (I went and retrieved Greg) Greg, they have the dog but don’t want to show it to us.
Greg: What are they holding it for?   Ransom?
Me: Pretty much.

I tell the guy we’ll follow him to his cousin’s house to get the dog.  When we arrive at the complex, a courtyard with three small mud-brick single-room houses, we are greeted with the faint smell of poop and chicken, of which there were plenty of both. Negotiations round # 2. The dog exits one of the houses and runs to Greg.  A good sign, considering we thought he was dead.

Dog Mobster 1: Here’s the dog.
Dog Mobster 2: We have had the dog for two days now.
Me: Yes, thanks.  So what do you think is a good price to pay you? (This is a cultural thing here.  No one will give a price.  They will normally just ask the customer what price they think is good then tell them they’re wrong until we arrive at the correct price)
DM 1: Well it wasn’t me who found the dog.  It was these two other guys down the street.
DM 2: Yes, there were two more people who found the dog.  We just watched it here.
Me: Great (not important and most likely not true) so how much?   How about 8,000 CFA (about $17).
DM 1 and 2: Well, it wasn’t us who found it.  There’s more people.  8,000 CFA isn’t enough.
Me: Then how much?
DM 2: OK, how about 5,000 CFA a person because there are more people.
Me: How much in total then?
DM 2: 20,000 CFA.
Me: (High pitched screeching sound -- a local move denoting disapproval and/or surprise at a statement)  That’s too much.  No, we’ll do 15,000 CFA, but that’s it.  Greg, grab the dog, let’s get out of here.
We grab the dog and hand over 15,000 CFA, most likely half or all of a monthly salary for these guys, unless of course they do this dog ransom thing every week.  In any case it was fun, although completely ridiculous.
Ben Roberts
Teacher, English Language Institute, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso