Mike Foster is the co-author of "Deadly Viper Character Assassins" and blogs at DeadlyViper.org.
You can follow his nuggets on leadership, life and grace at Twitter.com/mikefoster.
Why I Don't Believe in Christian Accountability, Part 1
I am deeply committed to all of us living a life of radical integrity and grace. Through Deadly Viper I get the chance to work with leaders on personal sustainability and living a life with no regrets. And though I champion the ideas of transparency, authenticity, and brutal honesty, I don't believe in Christian accountability.
The whole concept makes me cringe and I don't think I'm alone in this assessment. It's horribly broken, ineffective, and doing a lot of people a disservice. In many ways Christian accountability is facilitating a pathway to our lives being chopped up by character assassins.
So here are a few reasons why I don't believe in Christian accountability and why a new discussion needs to happen around maintaining our integrity.
1. Lack of Grace:
The primary reason Christian accountability doesn't work is because we are more interested in justice and fixing a problem. I've seen too many times great men and women get chewed up by this process. When we fail, what we need most is grace and a second chance, not a lecture.
We have all probably experienced or seen a harsh response to our struggles or failures. But there is a big problem when we respond with justice and not grace. You see human beings are wired up for self protection and survival. When we others being hurt, rejected, or punished for their sin, we correctly conclude that it is better to hide, conceal, and fake it in the future. It basically comes down to this: I don't want to get hurt, so I'm not telling. When we lack grace, accountability breaks down.
2. Bad Environments:
Let me be frank. If I were having an illicit affair with a woman I'm not going to confess it to 4 guys at a Denny's breakfast. And yet, too often Christian accountability is carried out in these types of environments. We meet in small groups in a weekly environment with a few of our friends. Ultimately there is a lid on how transparent these conversations can be and too often we believe that if we are meeting weekly then we are "accountable."
My best conversations about my brokenness and struggles have come in non typical environments. Places where I am completely relaxed, at ease, and feel removed from my daily life.
I have seen leaders every year go away for a week and meet with a coach or therapist and have this time be very effective. They dump a ton of junk; begin working strategies in their life, and start dealing with significant character issues. To be frank, I would rather have us have one week of brutal honesty then 52 weeks of semi honesty at Dennys.
My point is simple. Find an environment that is going to allow you to open up and examine your current process.
3. The Results:
Unfortunately, the results speak for themselves. If Christian accountability was a company it would need a serious bailout. It simply inadequate and the results are sub par at best.
The breaking down of our marriages, financial impropriety, ego maniac and narcissistic behavior, sexual misconduct, and the bending of every rule we come across are simply signs of a failed system. Last week I read a post from a pastor who had received emails from 33 other pastors who confessed to him of being involved in an affair.
4. We Game The System:
If I wanted to I could spend the next decade of my life convincing you how wonderful I am and how I have it all together. (Luckily, I have no desire to do that) It bothers me that I'm clever enough to package Mike Foster in such a way that I could make you all believe what a swell guy I am and how I have it all together.
The problem with Christian accountability is that you and I can game the system. I know how to beat it and if you stick around the church long enough you will figure it out too. And that's a problem. We're the alcoholic that knows where the hidden key to the liquor cabinet is.
Gaming the system is not hard. We know the right words. We know the right things to talk about. We know how to frame things up to effectively keep everyone off course on who we truly are. I can do it and so can you. And that's a big problem.
So that's why I'm not a fan of Christian accountability and truly believe it is busted. But please don't lose hope. In part two, I have something I want to offer up as a replacement to this flawed system of maintaining our integrity.
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Great stuff, Mike. I really appreciate you blowing up the boxes around accountability. Ironically, I am wearing my Deadly Viper t-shirt to my meeting with my accountability partner in an hour. Except I'll be bringing a copy of this blog post!
Wow. If this has been your experience, something really must be broken.
I've never been involved the kinds of relationships you describe here. Instead, my knowledge of accountability comes addiction recovery. I'm not sure what was happening upstairs, but I've spent more than a decade sitting in church basements (and at diners) both sharing and hearing others share with abandon hair-raising stories about infidelity, child abuse, drinking the mortgage payment, taking the kids to buy drugs and a host of other things that, to steal a line from my recovery program, we "share like our lives depend on it." We also listen as our sponsors and others relentlessly comment and call us to the carpet - sometimes in private, and other times in a room full of friends and strangers - some gentle souls and some hard core critics. And then we watch as people make amends to one another and those they've harmed and show love and forgiveness as healing happens.
Why endure this? For one simple reason. Our lives, in fact, do depend on it. The recovering addict has come to accept that they are broken, that there is no room for ego and worrying about what people think, and that we suffer from a physical, emotional and mental malady for which there is but one solution - God.
Sounds like the Christian accountability system could learn a lot from the recovering drunks and drug addicts -many not Christian - meeting in their churches week after week.
@joan one of the greatest examples of how it should be is in a recovery meeting. btw one of my fav places is a celebrate recovery meeting cuz it certainly doesn't look like the typical xtian accountability.
Hi Mike: Here's the interesting thing. I was in recovery for seven years learning to turn my will and my life over to God as I understood him and relying on a "power greater than myself" to "restore me" before I had a rather dramatic and (I have come to learn, unusual) conversion to Christianity in my late 30s. Reading the Bible for the first time, I was amazed to find that the 12-step framework is a working guideline for the transformation of life described there. Your description of "Christian accountability" is a not only sad for the people participating in these pseudo-relationships, it is part of what makes many people outside the church - many of whom are in significantly more genuine relationships with one another than the ones you describe - view "the church" as less than it claims to be. I guess that's why we need to keep talking about it/working on it. I look forward to reading your follow up post.
Interesting post, Mike. My husband and I not only left our church - we fled - after we were betrayed by numerous people in it who touted "accountability" at every turn. We trusted in them, and we loved them. We did business with them - and they stole from us. But beyond the money and the resources lost, they stole a piece of our faith. We realize now that we once placed "Christians" on a high pedestal - especially those in leadership positions (including elders, ministry leaders, thought leaders, the "doers"). But when we discovered the truth of their duplicity, they didn't fall - we did. We were outcasts, after calling them out on their sin.
And there they are, at every service, hands raised, eyes closed, singing loudest in the front row; they justify their deceit in that they are "saved" through their belief in Jesus Christ. They believe that God's grace and mercy has redeemed them, despite their closeted flaws and ugliness. It's as if they've received a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, and use it at will, to serve their own purposes. It devastates me. It confuses me. It keeps me from the "organized" church. I need something real - not just a light and music show on Sunday, or a Tuesday morning Denny's breakfast.
After their betrayal, where was the apology? Where were their tears? We cried a river; they never even handed us a Kleenex. We never received their confession. We never received the acknowledgment of accountability - there were no attempt to make amends or make things "right". They distanced themselves from us in order to avoid seeing the outcome of their own sins. Out of sight, out of mind.
Interestingly, they excused themselves from fault (from accountability) by putting "spiritual" responsibility back on our shoulders: that our business endeavors failed because we weren't "strong enough Christians". We were criticized for not starting our business meetings in prayer. We didn't ask God for permission before every business decision. We didn't declare our company a "Christian" organization. They claimed that our decision to be "mainstream"; to reach the unchurched; was the reason we failed. This, according to the "highly-accountable" believers who were pilfering our resources a day at a time. They told us we failed because we didn't PROCLAIM our faith. Were we not instructed by Christ to reach out to those who did not believe? To spread the word through our good works? We didn't need to "be Christians" to further the Kingdom. We needed to "be Christ-like" to bring people closer to Him, closer to living a life that would be pleasing to God.
Accountability doesn't mean calling out from the mountaintop, confessing my Christianity to set an example for an adoring audience. Accountability means that those who you call to in His name, you are true to. To those whom you "convert", you are unyielding in your honesty and rawness about your shortcomings. Accountability means that you wouldn't dream of trampling another man's dream, purpose, or gifts to further your own. Accountability is not taking for granted that while God may forgive us of our sins, the pain you cause others in living those sins may cause irreparable harm. Accountability is how you live your life for God, without an audience or accompanying praise music - when nobody else is looking.
Despite the pain our family has experienced, it has brought us closer to God. Closer to who we are meant to become in this life. Closer to the church that I carry in my own heart. I no longer attend services on Sunday - I AM the church. The church is in me, around me, it follows me. I am accountable to God because I only live to please Him, not the people in the second row. I am accountable to God because He knows the workings of my heart. I cannot hide from Him; I cannot avoid interacting with Him, regardless of my shortcomings. You can't avoid eye contact with God. You can't avoid His disappointment. When I let Him down, I feel it with every fiber of my being. And THAT is the Fear of God. Respect. Unquestioning, unyielding respect. That is my accountability.
I now put MYSELF on my pedestals - nobody else. In fact, my expectations of other people are now quite low. As a result of my high spiritual perch, when I fall, I know it will hurt, and I know that nobody will be more disappointed than Him. And nobody else really needs to be involved.
I don't have the words to speak as eloquently as all of you...but I can say one thing...and that is I have learned more about myself and why I kept making the same mistakes over and over and over...in the last 2+ months in Celebrate Recovery and the the Step Study class I have embarked upon. And that is after not receiving grace from multiple "Christians"during the course of the past year, and myself being a new Christ Follower. What gives me peace is that I... and they will one day answer to that Higher Power, and He will know our hearts. And right now Casting Crowns "On the Bottom of the Ocean Floor" just came on SOS!! God speaks!!!!
Jacqueline: Thank you so much for sharing. First, good for you that you have identified an ongoing problem in your life and decided to take steps to change. I commend you for taking a step that many cannot. As for recovery versus Christianity, I can almost guarantee that people in BOTH circles will likely fail/disappoint/frustrate you at some juncture. Part of that is because humans are human. And part of it, I believe, is that God helps us to identify and work out our shortcomings by putting us into contact with people and situations that challenge us, and in those challenges we are motivating us to change.
I have seen people leave churches AND recovery programs because of difficult people, harsh personalities and administrative disagreements. But we are taught - in faith and in recovery - that resentments will kill us and finding a healthy way to make amends and forgive, is paramount. The beauty of the Christian faith is that it takes this call to make amends and cast out resentments to another level altogether, stretching us to actually learn to love both our friends and our enemies. The sacrifice and humility required to do that will be a lifelong endeavor. A journey I am grateful to be on. I wish you the very best.
Joan
Thanks Joan! I had step study tonight, and it was incredible as always!! And to think a year ago when i became a Christ-follower (not merely a Sunday Church goer, which now i totally understand BIG difference), i did'nt think i needed any help with anything!! Now i understand i increasingly need for self-help and improvement through Christ! In fact i have learned more about myself in the last 2 months by answering those tough questions in the book, as well as from hearing my sister's responses! Wouldn't trade this juncture in my journey for anything! Well almost anything..Lol!!
Peace and Blessings,
Jacqueline
Kelley:
Thank you for this post. It echos my experience with "Christian accountability," and my current feelings, exactly. It's taken me months to try to recover from a group that touted itself as being uber-spiritual, and as a new Christian I believed what they said explicitly. Everyone played the part so well (hands raised, eyes closed), but when I stood up because I didn't agree with some very obvious flaws in theology and character, I was Jezebel, I was "clothed in a spirit of assassination." Ridiculous! But I didn't know better than to shrug it off at the time.
The term "accountability" was so skewed that I have trouble with it even now. I feel more and more that I need to be held accountable to God, and Him alone. And you're right, THAT is fear of the Lord. My faith has also increased, and I have a newfound sense of trust and confidence in Him, but the road was long and marked with disappointment. I've also learned that we're all simply human. Being Christian doesn't mean you've attained some new level of "holy."
Thanks for your transparency.
Bryna - Interesting experience. Yes - I am Jezebel too. We're such boat rockers, aren't we? ; )
Well, I'd rather rock the boat than stay silent and eat poop - even if it is coated in sugary Godness.
And of course, looking within to explore how I can improve myself is key. I am so far from my true potential; but I know that I won't reach that potential unless I am "unflinchingly" honest when it comes to God's expectations of us.
Thanks for sharing! K
Dude mike when is part 2 coming out???
next week :)
This is not christian accountability...this is just ACOUNTABILITY.
www.x3watch.com
brandon.
I don't agree with the first three points. You are still dealing with people. Broken people who sin. As in church, life, whatever, if the people fail, so will the system supporting those people. I belong to an accountability group that does these first three points pretty darn well. It may be rare, but probably not as rare as you think.
#4 scares me. why? because I've used it. It's easier to use the Christian F-word (FINE, courtesy of Jon Acuff) than open up sometimes.
Well here's the thing.... True Love for a brother or sister is GRACE and ACCOUNTABILITY balanced....
Grace with out Accountability is Tolerance
and
Accountability without Grace is Legalism... ... Read More
I know that it is a hard thing to master but it is what we are called to do!
I have had to hold tight to a few verses
MATTHEW18:15-19
James 5:16
and a sermon I heard not long ago... one of my old Pastors made a great point that some of the most critical christians are the ones that have some sin issues in their lives and so they try to mask it by pointing out the faults in someone elses... Calling them out all the time... Matthew 7:1-6 and Luke 6:37-41 both say the same thing about judging eachother... We are called to accounability but we are also called to give grace as well... as believers we need to keep eachother in check but in love...
P.S. The sermon can be found at www.vineonline.org ... Read More
it is titled The Vine: Apr.26.09- Walking in Love: Pastor Phil Allen "Love balance of grace and accountability"
Looking forward to Part 2. While accountability is broken, it is better than nothing, although I think you mightdisagree. I am glad those thirty-+ pastors at least confessed to someone - but you are right - it needs fixing!
I agree. For me, accountability has never meant - a formal time to accept the judgement of "character assassins". The root of Christian accountability is the very thing Mike Foster seeks to champion, in authenticity, transparency and brutal honesty, and while i did enjoy reading this entry, I'm left with a sense of Mike's own self protection, and reaction to pain. Accountability really does need to be authentic, but I don't think it is possible to completely escape the ways we can get hurt through the judgement of other Christians. There is no completely safe path to tread, and so very many of our attempts to be create an authentic Christian culture can, at any point, backfire if the world the flesh or indeed the Devil, get a chance to muddy the water. Church institutions can be rightly criticised in many ways - but there is something of their fixed-ness that makes sense to me. It doesn't matter if we get it right or wrong - the need for them will always be there - weather that is an "institution" of sacrament, community or accountability.
Clearly Mr. Foster does not grasp the concept of Christian accountability. On the path toward spiritual maturity, Christian accountability is about prevention. It is a proactive effort to keep oneself on the Christian path; to keep ones life unsullied and sinless (or sin less). On the positive, it is an effort to keep ones commitment to achieving spiritual maturity and faithfulness in ministry.
I could not agree more, plus there is no biblical support for this "new fad!"
Martin Selbrede does a more thorough job explaining how unbiblical Christian "accountability" is in this recent article.
http://www.chalcedon.edu/articles/article.php?ArticleID=2931
The main reason accountability fails is because is cannot bring about transformation. In most cases it even fails to restrain. This is just another way for our performance-based churches to encourage pride among those who do well and shame on those who do not, which in turn encourages secrecy and walls between people, despite all appearances to the contrary.
When the Evangelical church finally figures out that it does not know how to help people grow up, and learns what it means to engage with God for change, then "accountability" will be seen for what it really is ---- works righteousness.