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Ever since I can remember, I have gone to church and loved it. I loved the Sunday School games, the hymns, the Christmas programs, the energy, the potlucks...we were a church family. However, I was just a child then. I went to church where my parents went to church, and no questions asked. Now, as I am newly married, a seminary student, and am asked by my community, my family and my self, what type of person I will be, what I will believe, and what I will allow to define me; my husband and I find ourselves very seriously thinking about where we go to church. For someone who has always accepted church as being a part of the non-questionable Sunday routine (and youth night when the activity seemed fun enough to go), we are finding ourselves refreshingly shocked that we are not taking church with such openness. We are being very particular, and dissecting the sermons, the worship and, if I am honest, the leadership.
 We also have been surprised to realize that many are leaving the church today. Some blame it on the church and they ways that they have been "burned". (Count me in) Others blame it on the poor exegesis that goes on in the weekly sermons (Count me in). What about the lack of programs or discipleship tools? Biblical Faithfulness? Although it is disheartening to see where the Church is going wrong; it is only by this knowledge that we can figure out how to make it better. I am not saying that we should leave the minute we have an issue; because that is what life is about. However, I am saying that we should always test everything, and weigh it carefully, and deal with it in a Biblical way. All that to say, here is a unique and telling blog that allows an inside look into the reasons that people are leaving church: Letters From Leavers. If this many people are leaving the church building, are they leaving the Church? According to PewResearch.org, in 2008 more than 25% of American adults have left the religion that they were raised in for another religion, or abandoned it altogether. 44% have changed religions, switched affiliation, or become dis-affiliated with religion, with 16.1% of American adults have declared no affiliation at all. Finally, 1 in 4 18-19 year olds say they are not part of a religion at all.
Why are people leaving? What are your grievances with the Church? What have you done about leaving, or staying and how did you walk through that?
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Comments
Hi Bonnie: I posted a piece a couple of weeks ago on the Undiscovered site about my encounters with a group of skeptical and "deconverted" Christians. These are people, some of them former missionaries, pastors and current ministry volunteers who have walked away not only from church but from thier faith. It is still on the site at http://www.conversantlife.com/ucontent/atheism-sells if you want to check it out. Since then, I have been conversing with many of these folks on my other blog and on their site, which is called deconversion.com. They have a lot to say about their experiences growing up in the church and how the church and their families did or did not respond to their questions and doubts. I'm sure that we have much to learn from these people...
Joan,
Thank you for the resource! I always love learning about new blogs. I will for sure check out your post as well as the other blog. I agree with you, I think that we can learn a lot...
Great post! Honestly, I don't know how to deal with leaving church. The church I came from was like a fraudulent organization, always blaming the employees! So did people have a right to be disgruntled? Yes. But I have also seen sections of the church change and people were still mad. I understand that leaders need to LEAD the way in change, but there has to be some accountability from the people as well, right? It is tough to tackle. Thank you for getting me to thinking about it.
Joel,
I think you are totally right. For a church to realize it's shortcomings and then change is HUGE. However, we are not as good at forgiving when the time comes. For some people, I think that they have been hurt in a personal way. When spirituality gets so closely tied with the politics of business then there is room for those two to cross each other; and the business arguments perhaps hit a bit deeper than they normally would. BUt you are right, if we as a congregation demand that the church change their ways, make amends, and start anew, then shouldn't we who are disgruntled do the same?
It's so tough though. Because the Bible gives us guidelines on how to approach these situations, and even about brining them about for hopes of reconciliation. There are even times that we are called to walk away after reconciliation is sought and not received. I think then, it's not an issue of walking away or not, but instead it becomes an issue of where is our heart in this situation? Have we really done all that we can? Are we leaving mad, ready to indulge in gossip about our reasons for leaving the minute we join another church? In Acts, Paul talks about how God's heart for the Church is so big that he sacrificed His Son for her. It is here that although I may find my differences in the practices of a certain church building may be, that I must remember God's heart for the Church and treat it as the precious love that it really is. Which, does not mean letting things go that should be brought to attention, or standing by while wrong doctrine is being taught...but it does mean approaching these situations with thought, care, and truthfulness. Standing for what is right, but in love and compassion.
I think we have the ability to leave with our back toward certain practices, but our hearts open to the Church.
Thanks for the post. I just wanted to provide a few more resources:
David Well's "The Courage to Be Protestant" takes a look at the major trends within the church and I think his insights are very relevant to this topic
http://www.challies.com/archives/book-reviews/book-review-the-courage-to-be-protestant.php
Also, a similar series of books from Gary Gilley are called
This Little Church Went to Market
and
This Little Church Stayed Home
Finally, there is an excellent radio show in New York called Iron Sharpens Iron. I have heard the most amazing guests on the show, and I haven't heard them interviewed anywhere else. I highly recommend it. It also has a podcast.
A couple weeks ago William Shishko was interviewed on the topic When Is It Right to Leave a Church?
As the pastor of a large church in Seattle (www.churchbcc.org), who's demographic is 70% between the ages of 18-35, I can offer a couple of thoughts as to why people (especially the young) are leaving the church:
1. We've confused the wine with the wineskin. The whole point of the operation, really, is to function as the visible expression of Christ isn't it? That should mean more love, peace, joy, patience, etc. etc. as Paul explains in Galatians. Who really cares if the way to do that is with candles and incense or rock music? The answer is that everyone seems to care... seems to think that the form is somehow holy. The form isn't holy - it's nothing more than a box that might or might not contain glory. Go ahead and discuss tastes, and what forms are best suited to the people you're trying to reach, but don't sanctify the discussion by intimating that God leaves the building when the candles or lit, or the drums are banged. Rubbish.
2. We tell young people to come be a part of 'our thing': sit, watch, learn, do it our way. Maybe young people have something better to bring to the table than just some tithe money and a rear end to fill a pew. Maybe they bring a world view, a critique of the older generations that they need to hear, just as desperately as young people need to hear the wisdom of the elders. This kind of mutuality and humility, however, is hard to find in American Christianity.
I hope and pray that we'll learn to once again focus on what matters, which is the increase of Jesus' character in our churches so that light can shine more clearly. Everything else is secondary
Bonnie,
Thanks for responding. My church experience has been so negatively impacted that I am even happy when someone responds! And I think you hit it on the head when you said do we, as laypeople (LOL!), hold the bad experiences in our hearts. You know? Like, what do I think about more, the fact that I have been left out in the cold before as a sheep, or the fact that I have come across brothers and sisters (like yourself) that appear to be in this with me and open-minded and humble? As I battle in my walk, this is a definite challenge. But, you know, challenge brings growth so a little challenge isn't all bad! Thanks again, it is greatly appreciated!
Richard,
Great comment. You hit it on the head as well, we really do need to drift away from content. Our cultural differences can be a downright barrier and nuisance at times! It is definitely not about what culture you are from. The church I was saved in was in a conservative state and I looked like a "thug" (I had braids and long hair, and my nickname was "Snoop Dogg" because I looked just like him!) to those people! But their initial sincerity to follow God was what drew me in. That second part though is definitely the tougher one because, honestly, in that church, the older were not very interested in learning from the younger (of course I learned that later!). But, in hindsight, nobody's perfect and, though I moved on, I am grateful for the way God used them initially in my life because I was heading for disaster before God put me with them.