I'm sure being "connected" with other believers is a huge thing for you, that is, if you're human (and a Christian).  You want to be relationally connected.  Intimately connected.  Person to person, person to people.  

We're created for relationships.  So, it makes sense.  But, what does it mean to be connected and how do we go about getting connected?  

Over the last 40 or so years we've developed a structure in our churches we like to call "small groups."  It's in these smaller groups of people we get "connected."  Well, that's the plan anyway.  There are certainly times in which this works out.  We "join" one and really resinate with others in the group.  It's more than a study, its where we connect in life with people.  Person to person, intimately.

I, however, am fairly certain I'm not the only one that's jumped into a group like this and it wasn't anything like we wanted.  I mean, truly wanted.  It wasn't bad necessarily, it just didn't ultimately "hit" whatever it was I was searching for.  Know what I mean? 

We say we want to be connected.  We want to grow and get fed.  We want accountability.  These are some of the things we say we want...and we join "small groups" to "get" those things.

What if I told you the very things we say we want (to be connected, to get fed, and have accountability) CANNOT be met in this format?

Some of you might say, "Hah!  They are being met for me."  What if I said to that, "No, not really...you just think they are."  

You might respond, "Well, Chuck, you haven't been in my group.  It's amazing and all of those things are really a part of it."  And then, what if, I were to respond and say back to you, "I don't have to be in your group to know that if it is working, it's a total exception.  Overall that structure doesn't work."

Well, now we're probably raising some hairs on the back of necks. 

You see it depends how you define connected and on what you mean by accountability.   Are small groups that meet weekly a format of (true) accountability.........or simply a format for disclosure?  I'd say the latter.  In this format I'm only accountable for what I disclose to those in the group about myself.  I'm only accountable for those things I see in myself, want to work on personally, and then disclose to the group.  That's disclosure, not true accountability.

What if I were to say that it's this structure of disclosure that actually enables hypocrisy in the church? I'm enabled to put on a face, a good one.  I'm enabled to only be confronted on those things I disclose and enabled to continue hiding other areas of my life.  Why?  Because I joined a small group that meets once a week, versus living in a community of people that live life with one another on a daily basis.

True accountability (and thus connection) comes when my friends know my other friends - I can't hide nor do I compartmentalize my life.  True accountability (and thus connection and growth) comes when people see me with my wife and kids - seeing every aspect of my relationship with them.  True accountability comes (and thus connection) when people are a part of my every day life, not a once a week meeting based on disclosure.  It's when we're truly living life in community like this where people begin to truly speak into our lives.  Because they see things we don't see ourselves - or don't want them to see about us.  That's accountability!

Want to be truly connected?  Maybe, just maybe, small groups aren't the answer for you.

I know, controversial.  To that I say, well, at least it may cause you to think whether or not you're getting what you say you are.....