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Vulnerable Post

Today I was keenly aware of the scene from Julie and Julia where Julie comes home from a bad day at work and says that even though she’s had a bad day she knows if eggs and flour and chocolate are whisked together you will get a decadent dessert.

My life has been that way as of late. Potholes have met me every other day just when I thought the path was paved ahead. This is not a sob story, but rather a time when I am trying to cling to what I know, which is that if I string words together, it might make a little more sense to me. And I like to share, my heart and my food. Instead of chocolate cake tonight it was cilantro, mint, and shredded carrots. It was ground lamb in my cast iron pan and a quick round of cous cous. It was lemon, shallots, and Mediterranean olives. And I looked like Golem eating it in the corner of our living room by myself. It was missing something though. So I took it back to the kitchen and threw in my favorite spice: cumin. Ah yes, that was it, and I longed to find the “cumin” to fill in the potholes of this New Year.

My dear friend, Megan, left a TED video on my FB wall during Christmas Day. She is one of the more intentional people in my life, so I knew this was not a video to watch while brushing my teeth. However, I didn’t know it was indeed a gift waiting to be opened. Brene Brown is the researcher featured. But she is a researcher on TED, which means something entirely different. Megan left a simple note accompanying the video, “thought of A Beautiful Mess.” Okay. And I watched. I laughed. I almost cried. And found actual research to back up the last five years of my journey.

She talks about wholehearted people; people who in her findings had three things in common: courage, compassion, and connection. All of these led to the power of vulnerability. An authenticity that allowed them to let go of who they should be, to be who they are, a compassion to be kind to their selves, because, “if you can’t be compassionate towards you, how can you have it for others?” And finally the courage to be imperfect.

The issue that haunted me in my corner is that I feel very vulnerable right now. I am exposed and continue to throw myself out there without knowing what it necessarily means. I can do that with carrots and cumin, but I’m not sure what that means for a career – how do you make a career out of being yourself? Is there credibility in that? How do you find a place that lets you be the truest form of who you need to be? How does that put said olives on table?

I’m not sure I have answers – actually I know I don’t. As I sliced celery and chopped up ginger for the dressing, I realized that for right now there are potholes. I didn’t sign up for an easy life. I don’t value being comfortable for comfort's sake. But I admire, seek after, and cherish vulnerability … and apparently there is power in that. So let’s share together…..  

Comments

well, a life the one owning is a limited journey...

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So many have courage but no passion. For me if you do something you must do it with passion and love. - JustFab

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About
A recovering perfectionist that asks questions about life, art, the Spirit and this imperfect culture we live in, I help women tap into their true self in Jesus through creative means and spiritual direction.


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