Psycholinguistics is the study of the effect of language on personality. We have all been greatly influenced by the words we’ve heard through the years. Some single adults grew up in a positive linguistic environment. They heard words that emphasized the pleasant, joyful, and beautiful aspects of life. Others grew up in a more negative linguistic environment. Children who grow up in these contrasting environments will hear totally different vocabularies resulting in vastly different personalities and behavior patterns. The ancient Hebrew proverb did not overstate the impact of words: “The tongue has the power of life and death.”

Words of Encouragement
Affirming words is one of the five basic love languages. Within that language, however, there are many dialects. There are words of appreciation: expressing sincere gratitude for some act of service rendered. But there are also words of encouragement. The word encourage means “to inspire courage.” All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage and that lack of courage often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things we would like to do.

The latent potential within a work colleague or your roommate may await your encouraging words. Maybe someone in your circle of friendships has expressed an interest in learning to be an actor or actress. If it appears to you that they have potential (and almost all of us do), why not encourage them to explore their desire? Tell them that you can “see them doing that.” If they are inexperienced, encourage them to attend a class at a local college. If they have had some experience, encourage them to audition for the local “little theatre.” Many noble pursuits await the encouragement of a friend.

Words of Praise
Then there is the dialect of praise: recognizing someone’s accomplishment. To a greater or lesser degree, all of us are achievers. We set goals to accomplish things. When we accomplish them, we like to be recognized. Hollywood has its Oscars. The world of music has its Grammy Awards, Dove Awards, and Country Music Awards. Athletic events have their trophies, and businesses distribute plaques. In personal relationships, words of praise meet the need for recognition.

Occasionally we all need someone to pat us on the shoulder and say, “Wow, that’s great. I really like that. You did an excellent job.” Think of what would happen in the world if all of us started praising each other for accomplishments rather than pointing out what was wrong.

Kind Words
Another dialect of words of affirmation is kind words. This has to do not only with what we say but the manner in which we say it. The same sentence can have two different meanings, depending on how you say it. The statement “I love you,” when said with kindness and tenderness, can be a genuine expression of love. But what about the statement, “I, love you?” The question mark changes the whole meaning of those three words.

Sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying another. We are sending double messages. People usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use.

And you?

How freely do you express words of affirmation in your relationships? Is there a relationship you would like to enrich? Do you think speaking words of affirmation would be meaningful to that person?