EMAIL THIS PAGE
PRINT
RSS
I am starting this blog with an admission: I have jumped on the bandwagon. Last December I had a procedure that left me in bed for 3 days, so my friends became Edward, Bella, and Jacob. The story flowed through the poor grammar choices and mushy teenage love scenes that spewed their angst, rebellion, and hormones everywhere. I wanted to know what would happen next and dove further into this world that Stephenie Meyer had created. When it came to my friends, I was one of the last ones to pick up the books. They were trading them at church and setting up movie screenings. This year it only became more of a craze. T-shirts were made, tickets were bought weeks in advance, blogs were followed of the movie’s creative process and stalking the teen stars became a daily occurrence (Yes Taylor Lautner is statutory rapematerial).
 In the meantime, a show comes out like Cougar Town and the rumpus of women lusting over younger men continues. Yes the show is extreme, but as I watched a couple of episodes last week in “research mode” I couldn’t help but wonder what’s going on as women turn from Bella to 40-something Jules (Courtney Cox’s character). Our society hasn’t come very far in offering women healthy role models. Even in the church we are at a loss when books like Captivating explain that “every woman” has 3 desires, one of which entails being romanced and rescued. Surely a younger muscular gentleman can do that… we’ll just also have to watch him play World of War Craft, paintball with his buddies, and build a man cave in the garage because they can’t be a “man” anywhere else…. I’m just so confused as to what is going on right now. Yes,Twilight is a good story, but when a friend of mine told me this week that she heard a pastor say that the way Edward pursues Bella is how we should look at Jesus pursuing us, I have to start asking some serious questions. Sure it's fun, but is it harmless? When a girl curls up in the forest in a depression and becomes suicidal to “see” her true love, that is not love as Jesus would have us believe. That is when you need a really good therapist. I’ve been there. My teenage romance had all the makings of a Twilight novel, but I wouldn’t want to go back to it, nor would I want to fantasize about a guy who left me in the forest or constantly put me in danger. When you want to devour your true love because of her scent and the fact that you can’t read her mind is not a Biblical form of love either. It’s a romance novel and now an entire generation of young adults are forming their expectations of relationships around this saga. Most recently, a case study done by a BYU student shows that relationships are changing in high school settings based on these characters. This is not healthy. When a girl gives up her humanity and soul to a man, that is obsession and unhealthy attachment. Her soul does not belong to God in these books; it is Edward’s. As one writer put it, this could also be classified as “abstinence porn.” It glorifies “waiting” like you wouldn’t believe. And sure enough on the honeymoon is works out magically for the freezing cold vampire and the hormonally driven Bella. She wakes up on a love hangover despite the full-on body bruising. What is this advocating? Is anyone elseseeing this? He didn't mean to hurt me... I’m not saying don’t read the books. I am saying read them… pick them up and make up your own mind. That is why we’re given free will. Too often people let others make up their own minds for them. But don’t take it personally when others don’t buy the t-shirt or don’t relate to the every-woman-needs-rescuing idea (Trust me, I’ve had to explain my feelings plenty of time on why I am not part of the Twi-hards). Men are not going to rescue us nor should they have too. God will, but that is a decision we have to make and not look for others to fix or treat God like Prince Charming. Sure, we have our communities, but when Christian communities and books look like the culture’s version with a Jesus stamp and churches are preaching Twilight messages of happily ever after, what happened to the radical community that Jesus talked about? One where we lived in solidarity with one another, our debts were cancelled on the year of jubilee, and the poor were cared for. One where it didn’t matter if you were single or married or widowed or even divorced. Forgiveness and grace were radical, not romance. Jesus certainly loves families and marriages, but those don't save your soul (and certainly are not required to be part of the kingdom of God). When the message of romance goes too far as to giving our souls away to a man or waiting for a man to save us, I question the hype. Even more so, I am saddened by the hype and lack of examples around us in this culture. Fairy tales are not the answer. Looking at books like this with a lens of “that’s a nice story” is one thing, but to be placing expectations on men that they need to be one of these two sci-fi creatures is another thing entirely. And to make it one of the highest grossing opening weekends of all time at the movies where 80% of the audience attending was female, what are the longings of our souls becoming? Where are we finding belonging? With vampires? (God help us) I believe what missing is this: vulnerability. We have lost ourselves in books, shopping, eating, and consuming (Happy Black Friday week) and no longer are emotions really examined. You don’t see Bella sit there and say, Okay now I need to check into therapy to face my emotions… that wouldn’t exciting to see her come out of it on the other side saying to both of them, You know what I’m better on my own and complete without you… how boring. We need the freaky vampire baby to spice up our lives. Where has the spice and radical way of living gone? Who are we vulnerable with? Who can we share things with and not keep them bottled up inside only to be spilled out all over unhealthy addictions and attractions? A man can’t do that all by himself once you’re married (trust me). You don’t see Bella ever really find girlfriends or guy friends for that matter; you don’t see Jules Cobb ever talk to anyone but her odd next door neighbor or her partying co-worker. So where do we turn for emotions? Lately it's these books. Thank you Stephenie, we are all reading again, but what are we reading? Hopefully we can realize a book is just a book. The book holds no power unless we give it power over us. Don’t let Twilight do that to you. Maybe I’m cynical, but trust me the love story I’m creating with my husband is an amazing one, a sacred one, and one that I hope will never look like Edward and Bella. More enticing reading: http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2009/11/16/twilight_of_our_youth/index.html |
Comments
K,
This by far is one of my favorite blogs of yours. I love how you analyzed this phenomenon. I agree with a lot of what you said, especially the part about where are these girls putting their hope and is it even realistic for them to be expecting men to be like Edward? I think not. I remember turning to Jill when Bella was in the forest and saying, "she needs Jesus!" and Jill said, "and a lifegroup." I laughed at the time and thought it was hilarious but it actually makes a good point. Bella puts all her hope and trust in this guy and then when he doesn't work out, moved to another one. What DOES that say to young girls and women? That you definitely need a man to be happy? And is that really okay in a time when people are single longer, waiting for marriage, etc? I think it's hard too for the Christian women I know to look at things like Twilight and not have a sort of relationship with it in that they are living in this fantasy world, hoping that the real world would look something like that. Honestly, I've struggled with the same thing in my life...hoping a relationship would look like a Bella/Edward thing (without the vampire stuff). I think when we do that and have those expectations of relationships, we miss out on the potential relationships we could have in community, with our families, and most of all with Jesus. I think in many women there is this God-shaped hole that will NOT be filled with a man. We need to figure out more of where that longing comes from and actually DEAL with it and stop putting so much pressure on ourselves and men in our lives to try to meet that expectation. I think it's unfair to all of the parties involved. I do, however, also think that there is something missing with a lot of men these days. Maybe it's responsibility or just a lack of knowledge on how to treat a woman well. I'm not really sure. But I feel like in some ways men might not know how to be what women want or need and yet by reading books like Twilight and watching movies and soap operas, we think we know what they should be. I think it's an impossible standard that we need to examine. Those are a lot of jumbled thoughts. Thanks for writing the blog. Would LOVE to hear more about the BYU study. That sounds fascinating.
Kristin,
Thank you for your thoughts here. I will admit that I have not read the Twilight books, not because of any boycott, but because I don't read a great deal of fiction as is. Never-the-less it is almost impossible to not be aware of the hype. I was in a shoe store last week and could not help but over hear a vivid, detailed, and heated conversation over the characters in "New Moon" -- mind you, it was not a group of teenagers, but a group of women, roughly my age (27) who were engrossed in the discussion. What amazed me was not their enjoyment of reading, but the way in which they described the characters, as if they were real people; all of us living in a world where befriending/marrying a vampire is not fiction but fact. When I asked my sister about this (as she has read and loves the books), her response was that they are simply a good escape. And though I can see fiction as a way to escape, I tend to wonder less about what we are escaping from then what we are escaping to.
I often think that our escapism into these worlds of fiction (though not all bad) is more about our desire to be saved then a call to be whole. The classic image is that of the damsel waiting for her prince -- waiting to be saved. As a single woman, I can say that waiting is difficult. But waiting to be rescued, does not tend to promote other Biblical characteristics like perseverance, strength, discernment, confession, and the need to be refined. Instead waiting to be rescued is static -- as is escapism. We are escaping the hard work of this world to a world that does not require our labor or our involvement -- but often allows us the benefit to mimic behavior rather than engaging in the heavy lifting of fostering healthy vulnerable relationships. Which then brings this thought full circle. The women in the shoe store, had taken cues from the world of Edward and Bella, and were re-instituting them in their lives -- pre-packaged emotions and experiences, giving us the chance to transfer our escapism from the books into our lives. What I can't figure out, is how we have come to devalue our own lives to the extent that we are willing to place reality second seat to fantasy?
Thanks again for your insight... Your thinking is refreshing. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Thanks ladies for both of your comments. It's invigorating to me to read that you are in the place as well! Blessings to both of you as we continue this revolution.
Amen
Thanks Liz!
KNOW WHAT?I JUST DONT KNOW THE RESULT OF THE MOON WOULD HAVE MET THE SUN.
the NEW MOON is so cool for me ,taking my soul into the film.