To the Single and Childless Among Us

January 4, 2012, 1:39 pm » Abbie Smith

He slipped his way into my morning coffee, and accidentally, he said, proceeded to spill onto pages of my morning reading. Walk. And now work.

The non-mom-voice keeps taunting me. He did this when I was single, too. Idiot.

Why don't you have babies yet? You've been married over a year.
Your clock is ticking. Your womb is wasting away.

At first I tried to ignore it, but somehow that only created deeper and more persistent taunts.

What's wrong with you? What's wrong with your body?
Everyone else is. And is wondering why you're not.

Feeling David-sized in my voice, up against a Goliath-sized pack of lies, I decided to attempt a response.

You are wrong. Your taunts and arguments are wrong. You clearly do not know my God.

Teary and uncomposed, I continued.

You don't understand my God.
His daughters are given a different womb.
A womb about a Kingdom.

If God should ever give me a child who calls me mommy, I shall be terrifically grateful.
But if He doesn't, there are multiple other means by which He's positioned my practice of motherhood.
Multiple others ways my God reconciles children to His own perfect mothering.

Like letting me tell children how treasured they are, fostering life and a story worth living.
Letting me share with the younger what is pure and what is true.

My womb is far bigger than you are fathoming.
My womanhood is part of a far bigger story.

As a woman, I've been asked to dream with the broken, and disciple hope and a future into the flock behind.
As a womb-bearer, I've been given space to invite the hurting, and marriage to the bearer of life, freedom and healing.

And these are but the fringes.
These are but a taste of the astonishing roles for which my mothering heart has been created.
And for which l am terrifically grateful.

I haven't heard the non-mom-voice again today. But when I do, please remind me of these words.

Comments

Thu, 01/05/2012 - 16:06 — Juli Windsor

I love this. You're so eloquent in your words, and I love the picture you painted of womanhood/motherhood reaching beyond "being pregnant" and "having babies". I have a friend who has been struggling with this also (having 2 miscarriages in the past year and longing to have children) and I'd love to share this with her, as I believe it will bring her encouragement too. You have a beautiful mothering heart that touches many :)

Thu, 01/05/2012 - 16:58 — Abbie Smith

Thanks for your kind words, Juli. Your dear friend is not alone.
Praying for rich news from Boston today :).

Fri, 01/13/2012 - 00:21 — Sue Fagalde Lick

Abbie, this is beautiful and so comforting. Thank you.

Fri, 01/13/2012 - 15:15 — Abbie Smith

I'm glad, Sue. Bless you and the unique ways these words relate to your story.