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The Most Dramatic Blog.... EVER

It was Reid who said it best in his white sneakers and untucked shirt, “It’s a shame.” It is a shame – a shame that I need to go to bed and sleep, but here I am all riled up again. But isn’t that why we do it? The drama of it all – the most drama… ever.  One of my friends joked as we watched the ending of tonight's season finale of the Bachelorette that it would be hilarious if Ed showed up and said, “Actually, I have to go back to work.” Now that would be drama.  Another friend started the countdown – she gives them three months.

I thought for sure Kiptyn had it in the bag, but it was not so and then Reid came back looking like he befriended the little bottles on his flight over.  He was fresh off a long flight and ready to give her a ring of his own choosing, not from the Neil Lane collection, which would be a nice dent in my mortgage.
 

I’m honest on this blog and with myself. I know that I like watching it.  I really do want to know what will happen.  The show keeps surprising me and while I don’t think it lived up to the most dramatic ending ever (nor do I think that of this blog), the ending really did throw me for a loop.

Jillian picked the guy who was most ready to propose (or the editing team made us think that). She was worried it wasn’t a “rip off your clothes” kind of relationship and was forced to think really hard about what that would mean.  I’ve only been married for 4 years, but after a day in the sun, swimming, filming and posing in a "man-kini", and hanging out with my parents… I too would not have the energy to rip off my clothes or my husbands for that matter and that does not mean that we’ve lost that loving feeling – that’s life.  Not to mention an entire film crew shooting soft-core porn for evening television  (Yes it’s true, you thought so too). After the assurance that the equipment worked (Thank you volcano [seriously?]) she knew he was the one, but again that still didn’t shock me.

What caused me to almost puke (I really almost did due to a stomach thing I had, but it made the experience that much better) was the expectation that these guys are still the ones expected to propose marriage even though they have no idea if she will choose them.  This girl puts them through the gauntlet and then stands there in a dress just off the shade of a white one and expects them to know she’s the one when she hasn’t even told them if they are.  Why doesn’t she propose?  My other observation was that Jillian threw out her hand numerous times before Ed even proposed.  She looked like a kid in a candy store – gimme, gimme, gimme, or Golem wanting his precious.  As the credits roll she exclaims, “Look at that ring!”

Yes, I know the ring is exciting. I kept looking at mine too.  This is even a tad over the top cynical for me (Did I really just say she was Golem? – it’s late), but when my husband proposed, I was so enamored with him that he had to pry me off of him saying, “Do you want to see the ring?” The ring isn’t what matters.  However, in the fairytale it has to.  I see couples who are putting off their big days for the cost of the ring and wedding, and that’s what it has become.  They show up after the wedding when the camera crews and audience have gone home to what I call postpartum princess depression.  Seriously, I was a wedding coordinator in grad school and I saw it all the time.  So many might be wondering, “Why the heck do you watch this show then?”

I watch it because we need a dose of reality that is not found in a TV show.  Today I heard that there are girls in urban neighborhoods that think this is normal for “white people,” and someone needs to tell them that it’s not.  It can’t only be me.  Someone has to point out that a Neil Lane ring in a recession is a bit absurd.  I looked them up: Without diamonds you’re looking at $8,000 and with diamonds it goes all the way up to $420,000 for a 8 karat heart shaped stunner.  So let’s put Jillian’s ring at, well less than average for Neil, $40,000.  That’s someone’s surgery or a year’s worth of mortgage payments (I live in California). It is a college scholarship or almost an entire Habitat for Humanity housing project. We need a healthy dose of perspective.  I'm not saying I'm it, but the conversations need to begin somewhere.

I really do hope Jill and Ed live happily-ever-after tearing off each other’s clothes, but my real hope is that the little girl who thinks this is reality would know that it is not.  I want a fairytale like Ever After when Drew Barrymore waits for no prince and kicks the villain’s butt herself. She still is romanced and understands what a respectful relationship is but in that fairytale she is not weak. As women we have to realize that we are not damsels in distress that need to wait to be approached or proposed to in order to live our lives.  I believe more of women and more of the Jesus inside of us.  The same Jesus who had women in his inner circle and asked them to sit at his feet.  Even more depressing was the show following when a 31-year-old woman said that all of her friends are leading “normal” lives because they are “getting married and getting on with it.”  What have we become as a nation when we have to date in the dark to know people and we think that size 4 is curvy (Yes a guy said that on national television)? 

So this is my most dramatic blog ever, and it will be the last most dramatic blog ever because that’s all the energy I have. 

Check out this article for more dramatic reads: Click here for LA Times article

Comments

oh my, wasn't it enough for us all to realize that things were bad when they filmed the western movie vignettes and she made out with all the guys?

I got to finally tell a guy tonight who groped me at work what a pathetic man he was tonight, and sorry, a ring just doesn't cut it for me anymore. Neither does a sickly sweet, modern-day fairy tale.

Thank goodness it is over. While some us were trying to make some progress for women, the Bachelorette (like she's the only one in the world) went to sleep with her fancy ring and face-time finace.

nice choice in picture... see: he's leaning over soooooooo much that she has to lean back to get down to the level he has stooped to. :)

K,

I didn't watch the show this time around, but I believe you when you say that it is a fairy tale. Why do we always buy into it? I'm not sure...but anyway, I think you're right. It's time for us to move on with our lives rather than wait to be rescued. My single girlfriend just bought her own house with the money her dad was saving for her wedding. Not because she doesn't think she's going to get married, she just wants to be able to have an investment property if she does happen to meet a man, and something that she can live on one income with...her mortgage is $700! (She's in North Carolina, of course). So anyway, there's one example of a woman who isn't waiting to be rescued. I can't believe a size 4 is curvy. Lord help us! That's just sad.

Kristin,

I haven't watched this show in years, but I found myself watching it last night with my family while on vacation, and I was reminded of how truly this "reality" is a fairy tale in real time. From the camera angles, to the editing, to the realization that the characters do not know what will and will not make the cut, this is a fairy tale, a show in hyper reality. And yet, I have to acknowledge how quickly I was drawn into it. I sat with my family earlier in the day complaining how the portrayal of marriage and dating, and not 5 hours later I was talking about the show, as if I had watched it for the entire season... why? Well, there are many possible reasons, but I think that part of it is that whether I am a strong woman or not, I have been told since birth that strong woman still need to be "saved".

To further this notion, we had just returned from seeing "The Ugly Truth", a very crass, and gender stereotypical movie, whose message was simple.... Strong professional woman need to relinquish control and be submissive in order to find a guy. These messages come at women (and men) from many directions and under many guises. Comedy, reality tv, drama, action, fairy tale... but all share in this message and over time the weight of these combined messages make it almost impossible to believe in something different. Hyper reality becomes reality by self fulling prophecy and so stories like "Ever After" seem more and more like fantasy.

Wow - thanks for the comments people! Love it!

Britt, Great points about the Western. Yes that is setting us back about 100 years isn't it?

Erick - so true! Thanks for watching it with us... "They deserve each other."

Mills - thanks for commenting! Great point and I love what your friend did. Good for her. I'll admit, I'm seriously jealous of that mortgage payment, but that is admirable to not wait around for a guy to buy the house for her.

Deal - Welcome back! Missed you. I haven't seen that movie yet, but now I feel like I have to. More messages just filling our heads of what women should and shouldn't be. It's a tough spectrum to be on - bitch vs. girl-next-door, slut vs. virgin; it doesn't seem like we have a lot of options at times expect to let someone else lead. Either way, I continue to marvel at how quickly millions of all of us turn into this culturally fascinating experiment for 14 seasons and going no matter where we stand on the spectrum... you're not alone.

SPECIAL NOTE: REPORTED TODAY JILLIAN'S RING IS WORTH $60,000 - WHICH IS THE COST OF A HABITAT FOR HUMANITY HOUSE.

Thanks again for the great insight into this "dramatic" tv show. Here's my 2 cents for what it's worth. Jillian does seem enamored with the fairly tale ending. Clearly she should watch Shrek. I see a big difference between Ed and between Reid and Kypton. Ed was the one who fell fast and hard. He told her all the things she wanted to hear. Reid and Kypton, on the other hand, took their time and were more conservative with their thoughts and feelings. I know the show has a taped timeline and I think Jillian felt the pressure of the taping ending and her need to make a decision. She went with what she heard rather than maybe what she knew in both heart and mind.
I think Jillian did what many young women do. They go with the one who tells them what they want to hear. Because hearing certain things makes them feel certain ways and that feeling is so often misinterpreted for love. My husband tells me he loves me every day. But it's not so much the things he says as much as it is the things he does. I know my husband loves me because of his behavior towards me and towards our community. Hearing it is just a bonus.
One final thought: the volcano? Seriously!?!

Thanks for your great comments Carrie! The volcano -- just ridiculous - ha ha. I completely agree with you. And that is what concerns me -- when they leave Hawaii and go back to work, will he truly have changed? Don't really know, don't really care, but yes, the two who seemed to be taking it all in got the boot.

There is so much I want to write in response about a few conversations I've had lately with people who know people who are cheating on their spouses and in "open marriages" that hits on exactly what you're saying... they're all telling each other what they want to hear and not looking at the consequences of their behaviors. It's very intriguing to me when the woman in an affair says, "He respects me and what we have." Really? Then why is he cheating on his wife with you? That is not respect, it's bastardly. In the same way the Bachelorette beckons a similar feeling. One where it is competition for affection and love and not a building of a mutual live-giving relationship because the heart is divided, and it can be taken away with the absence of a certain rose.

I could keep going and going, but I will stop there. Thanks so much for your comment.

WELL,WHY NOT TRYING THE EVER BEFORE?

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About
A recovering perfectionist that asks questions about life, art, the Spirit and this imperfect culture we live in, I help women tap into their true self in Jesus through creative means and spiritual direction.


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