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I wasn’t there, but I heard. And it made me really sad. At a well-to-do Christian conference, a brave young soul had the courage to ask two prominent women in today’s Christian circles their thoughts for those who struggle with masturbation. Both speakers got flustered, eyeing each other with the look of, “Did she really just ask that in public? And how are we supposed to respond?” After some awkward moments, one of the women said, “Umm, honestly, I don’t know if I can say "the m word"…it just feels so…beyond me. Granted, I’m a married woman, but I’ve just never understood why people do that.” At this point, she turned to the other speaker and asked if she had anything to add. “No…definitely not. Just keep yourselves pure from it and God will protect you.”
 When I imagine this girl asking Jesus the same question, even in a crowd of antagonists, or from the mouth of a prostitute, I imagine him looking deep in her eyes and searching her longing soul…maybe kneeling down and putting his hands on her face, disarming evident fears; I imagine him using tender, empowering words like, "go and sin no more," while scribing grace and forgiveness in the sand beneath her (John 8). When we’re unable to enter the mind of one who masturbates, let alone one who’s a sex addict, prostitute, cutter, killer, rapist, abortion-giving, slave-driving soul, there’s a detachment between who Jesus was and who we’re presuming to follow. God desires to be with us—as we are. And let Him adore us in that place. He isn’t opposed to, or afraid of, talking about subjects we call “touchy,” like sex, or masturbation, evidenced by His stepping-out of perfect union and unity with His Father, in order to engage with this realm we call “life” and “living as a human.” He didn’t always heal the immediate issue before him, but was always with. Always awakened to the present, and to the presence of true love in that moment. For in the end, maybe, Jesus knew that something about being truly with was a healing presence we long for.
But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Timothy 1:5
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Comments
I am increasingly excited to see people tackling the feminine side of masterbation these days. How cool to have a voice in this Abbie! I am, like you, comforted dwelling on Jesus' compassionate ear to such scary questions. Any conversation about masterbation has to begin with listening, especially because an honest conversation will likely take you far from the topic before returning to the original question. Did that conference story really happen? I shudder at the thought.
I'm reminded of the old joke about the survey that reported 34% of all teenagers masturbated on a regular basis and 66% were chronic liars.
There's a very real question re sexual/romantic fantasies vs. lust-in-one's-heart. It's legitimate to ask where & how the line gets crossed.
And, yes, it's a valid response to say the safest move would be to try to avoid that sort of thinking entirely, just like telling an alcoholic it would be a good idea to stop drinking.
(And we all know how well that works.)
The >physical< act of masturbation is not the sin, it's the thinking that goes along with it.
The "ick" factor makes it a difficult topic for many Christians to discuss comfortably.
Why can't people bring up safer sins to deal with like bank robbery or murder?