Jealousy. Envy. Anger.  As the heat of the summer keeps baking us alive, so do emotions overwhelm us.  The most break-ups and arguments happen in the summer.  It’s as if we sweat conflict out of our pores.  My emotions were definitely directed towards the Bachelorette this summer as I reflect on The Most Dramatic Season yet and my tirades of the false reality of TV romance.

I spent the weekend with a dear friend and the topics of jealousy and envy were brought up a couple of times.  As we dove into the issues while barbequing, we reflected on our three year friendship that has been deeper than some of my lifelong relationships.  It was decided between us and our slightly older friend who has 20 years experience as a therapist and spiritual director that the problem is not that we’re jealous creatures, but it’s what we do with the jealousy that matters.  

We have to name it.  As a woman I am very conscious of jealousy and envy.  It is something that we’re culturally encouraged to do, but never let anyone know that we’re feeling it.  However, a woman’s intuition is not that dumb – we know when it’s present.  It lurks in the shadows of a bridal shower luncheon or behind the eyes of someone who hasn’t achieved what the other person has in their career.  It’s vicious and scary and avoided.  Stuffing jealousy and envy down manifests other issues of bitterness and anger.  It’s like a sickness that we don’t want to get help dealing with.

That’s the issue.  We think we are fine and know how to handle it, but the tumor keeps growing.  Instead of asking for help or realizing that the sickness isn’t with the other person, we turn on others instead of our inner selves.  We must name that the body desires health, but so quickly we move onto a quick fix instead of realizing what it is that is not whole inside of us.   

Naming jealousy in ourselves is not about the other person; rather, it’s about our own self.  It names a part of our soul that longs for wholeness and authenticity.  I recently finished a huge project in my life and was struck at the lack of celebration surrounding me.  These two women and I sat around and discussed how as women we’re not given space to name what we’re really feeling so what comes out is false sentiment and a lack of support for one another.  Both of these women said they were envious of me over the course of the past week, but in that space it provided for deeper vulnerability, authenticity, and celebration because we were able to call out the wholeness in one another. 

We need to be able to name our emotions and what we’re feeling so that we’re not consumed by soul sickness in our lives and in our cores.  It is my hope as this season comes to a close that the heat of the summer will produce life and not drought.   As I move into a season of preparation and anticipation of the crispness of Fall, I hope that the crunch will only be found in the stepping on leaves and not other’s dreams.