Intervarsity was a campus ministry that ushered my initial engagements with Jesus.  I remember it like yesterday when the staff worker, Kim, was speaking at our weekly meeting.  She began with stories about marriage and joys shared with her husband Jeff.  But then she took a sharp turn, launching into a theme that shattered a part of me that’s never been the same.

Kim started explaining how Jeff didn’t complete her, nor would he ever satisfy, or provide her with a secure identity.  She said Jeff would never her quench her longings, or reach her deepest desires.  And that no matter how much he loved, honored and cherished her, Kim said out loud that Jeff would never be enough for her.

I hated these words.  I thought they were exaggerated and coarse.  Previously I held a deep admiration for this couple, considering their marriage one of which most can only dream.  Now I couldn’t help but think their marriage was unromantic and hollow.  Little did I know, however, that what Kim shared that evening would be such  a meaningful gift to Micah’s and my marriage, and relationship with God. 

We’re a whopping two weeks past the altar and it’s been nothing but a brilliant array of gifts to unwrap each passing hour.  My husband is more romantic than Hollywood and I get to wake to him every morning.  Whether it’s candles, words, prayers, flowers, touch, companionship, or the care of his listening ear, his love has done nothing but astound me.  But I was reminded anew this morning that he still doesn't cut it, and never will.

No matter how deep, or high, or wide, or mighty Micah’s love is for me, it will never be enough.  It will never quench my soul’s depths, or capture the heavenly heights for which I was made.  No person, lover, romance, success, health, job, beauty, relationship, food, image, sacrifice, item, word, gift, action, religion, or activity can satisfy me on this side of eternity.  We were made for more.  More than this world has to offer.  We were made to be sought by the arms of the Trinity, captured by the rest of Christ, found by the altar of God’s marriage.  And our hearts will remain restless until they find themselves rested in Thee (paraphrase of Augustine).   

So many aspects of marriage have taken me to nameless measures of rest these weeks.  And likewise, so many hours of singleness have been put in redemptive perspective, exposing great worth in the many hours of waiting, far beyond what I could have ever asked or imagined.  But it’s still not enough.  Micah cannot compete with the romance of my Designer.  Nor I his.  Kim was right in saying none but God can complete the whole of our existence. 

No matter how glorious marriage has been, or how glorious I’ve found my husband to be, waiting still kneels at our door, wanting to woo us toward Home.  And lest we set ourselves up for devastation and disappointment, waiting must remain a disciplined posture of days ahead.  Our now is simply a shadow of what is to come.  And our journey as two, merely a graced and temporary companionship lusting us onward toward the One.  For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, David prayed in Psalm 62, for my hope is from him.  He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.  On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God.  Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us (5-8).