In many ways, the signal to noise ratio, as it pertains to relationships, is often easy to recognize.  In my marriage, for example, it’s not uncommon for my wife and I to find ourselves in a place where we’re saying, “We just seem to be missing each other lately.” Or,  “I would have done that if I had any idea you wanted that done. You just had to come right out and ask.” (that last one is usually me not picking up on “hints” that my wife would argue should have been pretty obvious).  The disconnection, or static, is easy enough to spot but the causes can sometimes be subtle and sneaky.  So, with fair warning about my stream of mixed up consciousness, I will now get into first main area (Part 2a) that I think plays a part in busying up the signal. 

a.   the meaning of words

I have recently learned some hard lessons in this category.  I am now beginning to trust the power of raw material.  Instead of couching so many things I say to people (hoping to be as inoffensive as possible), I’m working on letting the meat be consumed the way it is rather than dressing it up with too much bbq sauce.  To give them black and white, not gray.  Gray can frustrate people especially when they want something more distinct.  Because, while I’m patting myself on the back for being really sensitive, they are confused and often misled.  It’s contemptible.  This is not to say that tact and timing are virtues to discard.  I am simply learning to give people more benefit of the doubt in being able to handle the real drew bray and not this other drew gray. (sorry – couldn’t resist, yes I could have, but I chose not to.)  There I go apologizing again. NO! Forget it.  Deal with it.  My puns are awesome. 

This brings me to another point about words.  Take “awesome” for example.  It’s an awesome word which now can be used to describe God’s creation (rightfully so) or a parking spot closer to the store than one 10 yards away.  It’s as if we don’t REALLY believe in what we’re doing or saying so we compensate by slicking it up with misleading descriptions.  If something or someone is truly remarkable, then the evidence should speak for itself.  It shouldn’t rely on our insecure and vain marketing.  And if that something or someone is NOT remarkable – let that be the case so we can work on it (assuming that’s even possible).  Even still, let it be average.  Because if everything in this world is AWESOME, what’s it awesome in comparison to?  When “average” is the signal, but “awesome” is the noise – we manipulate expectation by creating a false sense of identification.  Again, I think the implications on relationships here is intuitive.