Yesterday I was in a conversation with a woman about food.  This is a topic close to my heart these days (see previous blogs) as we are establishing an urban farm in our backyard -- complete with chickens.  The baby chicks arrived this week and soon they will outgrow their cardboard box and move into their new coop built by my husband and our friends and family. We are trying to live out of an awareness of being more conscious of where our food comes from and how it gets to our table.  But before I tell you about that conversation, I must set the stage.

I forget how weird I am until these types of social encounters present themselves.  The setting of this particular casual talk was in a wealthy Southern California backyard patio baby shower.   I was co-hosting at this house (not mine) for one of my dearest friends as she welcomes her first baby boy.  It was a delightful day and great time, but at different times during the day I was caught off guard by how overwhelmed I became.  Talk of bottles, boppys, pack-n-plays, breast feeding blankets, nipple cream, clothing, diapers, and all-things-baby started to get to me.  The world revolves around this little one before he even takes his first breath ... that's a lot of pressure.

I am over the moon for my girlfriend.  She is already a great mom even with that little one in her belly. What took me by surprise was that in a day's time, the focus moved from her to "the baby." When I was shopping for her gift, of course I couldn't resist the tiny flip-flops and sunglasses -- I mean, seriously, how cute are little feet? But I also thought, here's my friend who has been on bed rest for 3 months.  I need to get her something.  So I picked up a pair of new sweats and a comfy tank top.

It's a baby shower - I get that. And I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but that gift was the only thing for her in a pile of gifts. Sure you need some of that stuff, but 8 bottles of baby wash? Five sets of hooded towels?  

I wanted to hear how my friend was doing, about her birthing plan, and feel the baby inside of her kick.  But all too soon everyone jumped in with their own birth stories or announcing their own pregnancies. It was weird. But this is the norm. Unsolicited advice and stuff everywhere, whether it was words or baby paraphernalia strewn about.

So back to the first conversation...I am updating this woman with what we have been up to lately because she is one of these people I see at a shower every two years or so. Baby chicks, fresh veggies, gardening, etc. become the topic of our few short minutes.  I have no agenda, I am simply talking about our lifestyle.  She asks about what spurred this on, so I mention certain documentaries and books in a casual way.  And then she says, "I just don't want to think about where my food comes from because then I have to care." Even as she said it, she realized what she was saying.  She followed up by saying that she understood her reasoning didn't make sense.  I don't share this with you to scold her or point a finger. Rather, it is to point out that awareness makes us care.  And if we are not aware, then aren't we neglecting one of our greatest God-given gifts? (One that if you're a Christ-follower, you're called to be)

When my girlfriend opened her new sweats, everyone said, "Oh, how nice. A gift for mom." And in that moment the focus shifted to this glowing woman who will be the one taking care of the little boy in his cute new outfits. The gifts for him are precious, but he is taken care of by his amazing parents... who will take care of her?  Sure there's MOPS and baby yoga groups, but what about including a village of people from all walks of life?  Not just fellow families with toddlers, or mom groups where dads are mysteriously left out of the picture of programming.

When we are only aware of one part of a system (the grocery store) or a person (her belly) or ourselves (our calendars), we lose a vital part of what makes us human. We have the capacity to think, to reason, to care. When everyone is too busy to notice the "whole" or just offer their opinion in passing, while not listening or learning... I get a pit in my stomach.

I've written a lot the past couple weeks on shame and guilt, on vulnerability and identity, and awareness is a big piece of both of these previous puzzles. But if people don't see that caring only about segments of society or sections of their own lives because of convenience's sake -- what are we truly caring about?

So this week I'm pausing just to be aware -- aware of how urban farming is weird (and hard, but good), of how self-care is a day-by-day choice to care. And not care out of guilt, but choosing to care out of a wholistic sense of being -- being in our bodies, being members of our families, churches, communities, living in our homes, neighborhoods, nations, cultures, this world, this earth. You don't have to start an urban farm, you don't have to have a baby, or you can have a baby.  It's not these individual matters that get to me. I care about how we go about our lives. I feel called to become who God wants me to be, and for me that looks different than others.  But this crazy thing called life seems to have a lot of people tired, burnt out, and ashamed. Call me nuts, but that is not what God had in mind.  True choices and true life are done with intentionality and truth in love, not artificially flavored whether that's food or friendship. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy the occasional convo with a passerby or a cheezit, it means though that my passion is not stirred by the cheezit or the stranger... it's built on something much stronger and colorful.  Therein, we make daily choices revolving constantly about who we are in the Spirit, not just on whimsy alone or based solely on convenience.  

I have hope today because I've seen people wake up to being aware and in turn it hasn't made their lives more worrisome or fearful (which we're so good of living out of).  It's made them proactive participants in their own lives. It has instilled in them a new peace because they now see the WHOLE and realize just how BIG God is: The Creator of a world so huge that no matter how hard we try, we can't control it. So we learn to listen and learn to breathe.

So what are you aware of this week? today? What do you care about?  

We must come to a place where we are concerned with what God is concerned about and at the end of the day that means listening for God in many places: the smile of a neighbor who doesn't look like us, the pregnant woman's story, the smell of a basil plant, or in a chirping baby chick. This isn't a cry against motherhood, it's a rallying cry for healthier perspectives on such things as mother and fatherhood, studenthood, childhood, because we have moved so far away from personhood.  Letting people become who God intends for them to be is hard when we pick out their favorite colors before they are even born. Afterall, we love a God that created all of us with a unique sense of self, so how are we aware of our own uniqueness? How are you caring for other's uniqueness? May we all journey into the depths or our own weird uniqueness and realize that the hard work of being aware is what God has called us to.