I’ve mentored a lot of girls through seasons of engagement, but meandering through it myself has affected me with a new lens and set of perspectives.

1. The ring meant more than I thought it would (for both my fiancé, Micah, and me).

2. Prioritizing “marriage” over “wedding” has kept our feet on the ground most weeks. The weekend we got engaged, in fact, knowing our first impulses would jump to wedding plans, we intentionally set it aside to consider God’s views of “marriage,” “union” and “life together,” versus the glam of one day.

3. We’ve savored having friends give gifts in the form of their “giftings.” From photographer and flowers, to favors, cake and design, we’re thrilled to have our friends and families handprints all over this beginning celebration of our marriage…and it's cost effective!

4. Registering was more stressful than expected. After a couple meltdowns, and failed attempts with the little shooting toy, we decided to make a list of our “needs” and used that as a new starting point. After looking online a bit, as well as spending time praying and more intentionally preparing ourselves for an excursion to Bed, Bath & Beyond, we ended-up having a good, playful experience.

5. Physical purity has been harder than expected. My assumption was that a ring on my finger and set wedding date would give me a steadfast discipline against physical intimacy. Not so much. I’ve been more tempted than ever to use seduction, or drown-out stresses, in physical pleasure. The result has been ugly. More so than in dating, even, the guilt and shame—let alone tendency toward isolation and blame—felt by both Micah and me when boundaries are overstepped, has been drastic.

6. Spiritual purity has been harder than expected. It’s evident that Satan hates engagement, or anything moving toward the union of marriage. Working through tactics of stress, sickness, busyness, angst, dreams, family, fatigue, physicality, ambivalence, fear, and the list goes on, there’s an enemy of lies clearly at work to pervert anything familiar to a covenant of true Love, Goodness and Union.

7. Date nights have been important. Though Micah and I talk and see each other on occasional “dates” throughout the week, we’ve loved the discipline of guarding our Saturday nights (we’ve gladly shifted when guests are in town, etc.). We begin our Sabbath together and enjoy an evening separate from our work-weeks and wedding plans.

8. A wide range (age and age-stage) of counsel and community has grown us far more than we could have by ourselves.

9. Shifts in solitude. At times, Micah used to feel like a competitor to what I knew as (uninterrupted) time with God. As my love for him grew, however, so has the ease of being with and tendency to spend time with him, before God. Learning these dynamics of solitude and solidarity, while yet union, is an area I’m looking forward to further exploring and understanding.

10. Though culture and many around us say otherwise, we’ve realized that our wedding is not “our day.” It’s two families joining, including each of those families expectations, hopes, dreams, priorities, opinions, emotions, style, backgrounds. It’s ultimately about a further joining with God, and being a part of His revealed glory.

11. Short engagement has been a gift to us. It is possible to plan a lovely wedding in a very little amount of time.

12. I’ve been surprised by the expectations, and how (strongly) opinionated, people are about weddings—even those who say, “I don’t believe in weddings—elope, or go to Vegas!” They remind me of the atheist—though not believing in God, per se, atheists often have more (maybe even vehement and personal!) beliefs about God than any given “believer!”

13. Anything can happen. I used to get so annoyed with pad answers, or being told, “As soon as your content with yourself, or stop looking, Mr. Right will come along and swoop you off your feet!” God help me never say such things to a dear single soul. I will, however, say that anything can happen and no hope should never go down the drain. I woke-up the first Sunday of this year and decided to try a new church for no better reason than having driven by it before. Micah sat next to me and my life changed forever. Don’t give up on God. And don’t believe the lie that God has given up on you. Whether in relation to your singleness, or something entirely different, His love will never fail you.