We spent a lot of time preparing for the 4th of July around here. Our neighborhood has a huge block party, and we live in a city were fireworks are legal, so every year we put on a fireworks show right outside our house.  Jafta, my 3-year-old, was really excited about the party last year. That is, until the fireworks started. Then he started screaming like a caged animal. I have never seen a child so freaked out.  Despite my best efforts he insisted we go inside as soon as they started .  But even with the doors closed, our house sounded like a bombing over Baghdad that night. It was LOUD, and it lasted for several hours while my son screamed and cowered in his room. He talked about it for months in vivid, horrified detail. I seriously think he has a little PTSD about it.

So for the past month we did a little systematic desensitization. We talk about the fireworks. A lot. We look at pictures of fireworks. We read books about fireworks (our favorite is Olivia Forms a Band). And the we moved up to watching videos of fireworks on YouTube.

I was feeling really, really poud of my parenting skills.  I had put all of my psychological training to good use, planned ahead, and foreseen every possible outcome.  I had also done some "narrative reframing".  I told Jafta every day that now that he was 3, he loved fireworks.  Brilliant!  There is no way he was not gonna love fireworks come July 4th. 

Which brings us to the big day.  Jafta did great.  Yes, he is wearing a helmet (his decision), and yes, he has his hands over his ears. But our hard work paid off: he watched an enire fireworks show without screaming. Success!

Um, one minor detail I forgot to address in all my earnest 4th of July planning. I HAVE ANOTHER CHILD. A 20-month-old. In my efforts to placate Jafta's phobia, I completely overlooked my daughter's feelings on loud, brighly colored explosions in the front yard. She took one look at those fireworks and began a freak-out meltdownthat could be heard from several blocks away. There was screaming and gnashing of teeth. and my arms still have her claw marks in them. I have never seen my daughter so upset. In between her shreiking, she was sobbing, "too scary, too scary, too scary".  She was completely traumatized.

Um, oops?