I may be vocal in some areas, but when it comes to confrontation with friends, my family or my housemate, I’m the tall, silent type. I let things continue to roll off my shoulder and not bother me until my right shoulder is so askew that I’m in need of chiropractic services. There are definitely those times when we don’t need to create drama over the small blunders and quirks. But when that issue, whether it’s an ongoing, sarcastic remark about you or a consistent disrespect of your stuff, it’s time to get the courage and confront.

That said, I’ve found myself living with the opposite extreme of avoidance – one in which my housemate thrived on confrontation. I’d literally dread seeing her car in the driveway when I’d come home, wondering what I had done wrong this time. Living in a confrontation war-zone is not healthy either. Such a scenario is tiring at best.

What I’ve learned is that healthy confrontation involves three things; love, grace and respect. The purpose of having these conversations is not so much that you can get your way. It’s about loving that person enough to want the relationship to go deeper, and to get to the bottom of any issues that have silently built up between you. Choosing silence over needed confrontation means that both people suffer. Some of my most rewarding friendships are a result of moving through the silence and finding the depth that exists on the other side.