I’m a wee bit of a crier. As I write this, I can literally HEAR my family and my husband echoing, “That is the understatement of the year.”  

Ok – I cry a lot. It’s just how I roll. You give me a compliment – I’ll probably tear up. You offer up constructive criticism – I will be fighting the tears. Movies, commercials, sermons – oh yeah, every time.  In fact, the year I graduated from college, the administration was working on a film to use for marketing and fundraising purposes, and they asked me to be interviewed on camera. It was the YEAR I WAS GRADUATING and you are asking me to ruminate about my college experience? Um, yeah – WATERWORKS! It took like seven takes because I kept crying and no one could understand what I was saying. True story.  

All that to say, this graduation season, has been as emotional as my own all those years ago. I’ve cried at every turn – commercials, displays at Target, getting announcements in the mail – in fact, I may or my not be crying right now – because my girls are graduating. No, I do not have children, but for the last five years – the bulk of my twenties – in addition to climbing the corporate ladder, figuring out how to be comfortable in my own skin, and learning how to hold my own after more than one glass of wine, I’ve volunteered with the youth group at my church. Since Lisa and Holly were in 8^th grade, hyperactive, loud and hilarious, I’ve been their leader, their friend, their confidant, and on a few occasions, their conspirator.  

On the one hand, I’m so glad to be done! I mean, youth group is a huge time commitment. There were a lot of weekends where my friends were going to a hot new restaurant or meeting up for drinks while I was playing “Capture the Flag” or “Chubby Bunnies” at a lock in. There were a couple New Years Eves where I was preparing a talent show performance instead of toasting with champagne.  But for everything I gave, I received exponentially more in return – I gained two little sisters. They are still hyperactive, loud and hilarious, but they have also changed so much. They have become strong, talented, confidant individuals whom I continue to learn from. I have literally watched them grow up – and I can only imagine how their parents must feel – because I am so proud of them.  

So why the tears? I’m not totally sure. It’s not as if they are going far away. Even in their new dorm rooms they will only be a couple miles from my front door. And I imagine the likelihood of them coming over to karaoke in my basement is very high.  

I think part of me is just honoring the unique moment of time that we’ve shared - in their lives and in my own. Things will never be quite the same, and while that isn’t a bad thing, it is still a good-bye of sorts. I think part of me is just so thankful that they got through high school avoiding the temptations – and the regrets – that so many girls succumb to.  

But part of me is anxious for them. I left high school confidant, sassy and independent, and somehow in college, I lost myself trying to look a certain way. Although many years have passed, those wounds are still there and to some degree, always will be. I’ve talked to my girls about that time in my life; I’ve tried to communicate the lessons I learned. If my journey could save Lisa or Holly from even a fraction of the things I had to learn the hard way, it would all be worth it. So I suppose, some of my tears are for me – a little bit envious that I don’t get to do it all again with the wisdom and confidence that I possess today.  

So yes, it will be nice to have Wednesday nights free and no chaperoning duties on New Years Eve; and yes, it will be fun for Eric and I to get involved in a ministry at church with real-live grown-ups, but it will be an adjustment. I probably won’t see them as much, but I will likely pray for them more.

I know I can’t prevent them from making mistakes. I know I can’t will them away from learning things the hard way. But I can keep calling, hanging out, being available and I can -- and will -- pray.