Giving-up on Chastity

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March 16, 2011, 7:07 am » Abbie Smith

We may, indeed, be sure that perfect chastity—like perfect charity—will not be attained by any merely human efforts. You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity (or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other hand, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, p. 93-94

Tags | Relationships | C.S. Lewis | chastity

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Wed, 03/16/2011 - 15:45 — C. Ehrlich

As usual with Lewis, this is beautifully written and astute. The unmentioned danger is that some of the "habits of the soul" practiced in the name of Christian piety are manifestly unhealthy. It is nature, not Christ, which sometimes rescues devout young Christians from the weirdly artificial habits of soul to which their devotions would otherwise take them. Show me a truly self-disciplined devotee and I'll show you a soul in danger of fanatical self-contortions suitable only for the nut house--particularly if that Christian belongs to the more fundamentalist circles of evangelical Christianity.

Wed, 03/16/2011 - 19:08 — Abbie Smith

If I'm understanding you correctly, C., your reference is the danger of a neurotic self, namely that of a Christian self, aiming to cure him/herself of a given neurosis - in this case dealing with a chaste existence? If so, I am much in agreement. John 15 speaks to this quite precisely, offering that we can literally do nothing apart from Him. Thus, i would be curious how the context of Lewis' words here treat (or don't treat) the work of the Holy Spirit and the regenerated soul.

Thu, 03/17/2011 - 00:53 — C. Ehrlich

The danger is of a different sort. Consider the young man who is convinced that he must pray without ceasing, who must always think holy thoughts, who must be dead to the influences of the flesh, who must hear the voice of God, who must cast aside every doubt in God, who must reject any worldly influences, or who must strive to live in perfect obedience. Any one of these goals is open to a range of interpretations. Each can be taken to very strange extremes. Usually these extremes are avoided by a healthy dose of common sense, extracted not from the Bible but from more ordinary values and norms. Or, if not by common sense, these extremes are usually avoided because they are simply too demanding.

But now consider the devout young Christian who happens to have a lot of discipline (whether by divine gift or by nature, it really doesn't matter), and who also happens to be convinced of a more fundamentalist version of evangelical Christianity. Neither the usual norms of "common sense" nor the difficulty of the practice will necessarily prevent this particular Christian from adopting the more strange or extreme interpretations of any of the goals mentioned above. In pursuing such extremes, it won't be an accident when he develops strange habits of the soul that an onlooker will recognize as bizarre and unhealthy.

Poke around fundamentalist circles and you might find some of these oddly contorted souls, strange in different ways and to different degrees.

Mon, 03/21/2011 - 12:57 — Abbie Smith

It would be neat to hear some of your alternative approaches to chastity...

Mon, 03/21/2011 - 14:49 — C. Ehrlich

When you say "chastity," what is it that you have in mind? Are we talking about the purely sexual, or some broader (set of) virtue(s)? Towards what are we seeking alternative approaches?

Mon, 03/21/2011 - 18:43 — Abbie Smith

A chaste existence is what I'm referring to, which I suppose could be defined in various ways. I don't suppose, however, that its contents box-in that which purely sexual. Was simply asking it for the sake of hearing what you do admonish, versus what you don't. What might you suggest toward one's desire to live a virtuous existence?

Tue, 03/22/2011 - 02:49 — C. Ehrlich

When we think about sexual ethics, I think it is probably best to begin with those things for which we can be most confident. Therefore, I think it may be best to begin by considering how sexual conduct can negatively affect others, giving another legitimate grounds for complaint or resentment. Merely this respectful consideration of other people gives rise to a substantial body of sexual norms: one shouldn't cheat on someone with whom one has made a commitment; one shouldn't irresponsibly pro-create; one shouldn't carelessly disregard the deep emotional and psychological effects that sexual intimacy can have in a relationship, one shouldn't do that which will in all likelihood seriously injure another person, etc. Beyond such considerations, I also suppose that it would be less than ideal to for a person or a society to give too much attention to mere sex, just as it is less than ideal to give too much attention to material wealth, to career advancement, or to video games.

Common sense and due consideration for other people goes a long ways. I emphasize this because with regard to sexual ethics in particular it seems that there are a great many traditions, superstitions, and taboos that can lead us astray from these more central and plausible ethical considerations. Think of all the wrongful or unnecessary harms that have been committed in the name of anti-homosexuality, maintaining a woman's virginity, or forbidding contraception.

Tue, 03/22/2011 - 15:31 — Abbie Smith

Insightful thoughts here...thank you. I'm actually working on a magazine article this week about the importance of "boundaries" and their importance in a mentor relationship. And as you share here, their emphasis seems likewise important in the midst of most any relationship we're a part of. I like, too, your reminder of the use of common sense and ethical guidelines as simple principals that can have profound effects.

Tue, 03/22/2011 - 17:17 — C. Ehrlich

I think you are exactly right about the profound effects of this approach towards sexual ethics and morality generally. When one's moral views are centrally guided by the commonsense consideration of the effects that actions have on other people (and especially whether or not such actions might give others legitimate grounds for resentment), this not only makes sense of so much of what we intuitively recognize as morally right and wrong, but it can lead us to think twice about religion-based morality, which sometimes even occasions the neglect of these more central and commonsense considerations (and often for the sake of some dubious extra-moral end such personal piety, the avoidance of hell, or some ideological or tradition based conception of what the world should be like).

Whether we are religious or not, I think we all have very good reasons to be skeptical of religion-based morality, just as at times Jesus seems to have been.

Wed, 03/23/2011 - 12:25 — Abbie Smith

An Amen is reverberating from this keypad.

Sun, 03/27/2011 - 18:42 — C. Ehrlich

Abbie Smith, on this topic of non-religious sexual ethics, let me recommend Terry Gross' recent Fresh Air interview with Dan Savage and his husband. If you can listen to the actual interview, I'd be very interested to get your reaction. To my ear it portrays a striking contrast between a religiously-influenced morality and a non-religious morality that's simply attuned to common-sense concerns about other people and how we are treating them in our actions and attitudes.

The podcast is available here: http://www.npr.org/2011/03/23/134628750/dan-savage-for-gay-teens-life-ge...

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