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Sometimes I feel like I understand pornography and sex-related-addictions; other times I don’t. I’ve soaked in realms of food/eating/exercise disorders long enough to empathize and see parallels, but there remain loose ends.
Walked into a video store last night and while checking-out, a slightly rushed, older gentleman walked past me toward a door marked “Adults Only,” which had gone unnoticed to me to that point. He showed the clerk his card, never making eye contact with me, and proceeded through the white door. Feeling naïve and taken-back, I proceeded with my check out. The clerk didn’t say anything, but his eyes told me he was sorry. He seemed to hate seeing various sides of this as much as I did.
 Should the goals of our generation land anywhere near the likes of love, I’m convinced that two communities deserve utmost attention: Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender (GLBT)* and those wrestling with sex and pornography addiction. But are we willing to let love exist at every corner of our table? If so, what does this look like?
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Comments
Wow...those are some deep thoughts there, Abbie. I got chills as I read the part about the gold ring on his ring finger. I hate pornography and I hate how the Enemy has used it to pull people away from God b/c then, it's just a downhill slope as they pull away from their spouses, their children, and ultimately, life. Thanks for posting this. I'm praying right now....for all who are pulled into this lie.
you know, it's difficult. honestly, i read the words from Abbie and find myself relating all too well with the anxious man frustrated in that moment of exposure...a moment where fantasy collides with reality and the only desire is to simply escape into a world where control can once again be realized. i read these words and feel the same swell of hatred that is expressed in the comment above...but that's where this whole thing takes a turn for the worst - hatred for what i do is seldom separated from who I am. I am what I do. When I say I hate pornography I am effectively saying I hate myself. When I read that someone else hates pornography I am effectively reading that someone hates me. My identity is tied to what I do...leading to distorted pride OR self destructive hatred. The only light I have seen in this dark vortex has come amidst others who invite me to own the reality of my story, my struggle, and the insanity of mind in a place where they share their own. I am home when I recognize that I am not what I do...and the only people that I have found that welcome me home are those that understand their own darkness. And in this moment of real intimacy where honesty levels the playing field I see the hope of others who have gone before and find themselves sharing of new life and the freedom of healthy choices...I hear, once again, that in my powerlessness I find that God is working on my behalf to restore a life that was otherwise doomed. I just came back from one such meeting...it was good. I will go back. I like being home.
I am so impressed with the post by "guest". That is my story - I was the anxious guy not making eye contact with anyone. I was out of control and like anything out of control, I crashed. It seemed even worse because I was in ministry and was filled with fear because so many "church" people believe that people in ministry don't do that "stuff". I found a few guys that shared their life with me and over time I shared my life with them. Over the last four years, I've learned what honesty and true intimacy is. There are times when I still falter, but I no longer isolate myself from God or others. I know God is working through me and making me the man he created me to be.
I just read your post and oddly, had a meeting this morning with a friend who shared with me his struggles with porn. Recently, that struggle has shown up in his marriage and he was looking for some guidance from me, and possibly my wife, on how to support and assure his wife.
To paraphrase, "what is so strong behind the white door..." struck me. Because when a man wakes up to the fallacy of porn, the sheer deceptiveness of it, he also begins to wonder what is the draw? Yes, I'm speaking from experience that my wife and I worked through early in our marriage. I can't think of anything in modern culture more dichotomous than the world's take on lust and God's take. Yet, culturally, it is truly the 800lb gorilla in the corner that we all ignore.
I suppose that is the nature of sin in it's purest form. To touch everyone yet be so ugly and black that no one admits they are infected by it....
All this to say, I loved your perspective and commentary. Now I know why God built you to write...He's good like that.
Thank you Abbie, for writing this.
I am so convinced that as God heals His people at their core heart issue level, we're gonna see a huge wave of power, light & love wash over our land. His bride will shine with His glory when we get real with the bankruptcy in our own hearts. I appreciate your voice in helping make it a reality.
Dawn Carter
I appreciated your honest reaction to your video store experience. I don't usually cross reference my own posts on other people's comment threads, but one of my recent essays deals with the flip side of this issue: women and porn. It might offer a slightly different perspective to some of your readers.
http://www.conversantlife.com/life-with-god/do-christian-women-watch-por...
Keep the posts coming!
Thought I would throw some Luther - feel that it's relevant in both recognizing and turning.
The grace of God through Jesus Christ our Lord must be understood as follows: grace is the only thing that delivers human beings from evil; without it, they do absolutely nothing good, whether in thought, or in will and emotion, or in action. Grace not only makes known to people what they ought to do, but also enables them to perform with love the duty that they know.