This is my conclusion to the end of the chapter--it's less point by point, and more "here's the one big takeaway I want you to get."  Does it work?

It is a painful paradox that we are caught in: we crave love and acceptance, but then create false selves that are based on other people’s perceptions. In doing so, we lack the very connection and communion that we so desperately want. Our strategy to feel loved is to keep people out by performing well, or controlling others, or withdrawing, but these simply keep people out of the part that needs love—the core of our being.

The effect on our romantic relationships is, of course, disastrous. Because we want to be loved, but on our terms, we resist any true “nakedness.” Because we are fundamentally ashamed of ourselves, we clothe ourselves with fig leaves and act in ways that will make other people affirm us, at least for a while. Or we fight like crazy to feel affirmed—at least for a while. The unfortunate reality, though, is that because the foundation of the relationship is false—a need by each person to feel affirmed by the other—the feelings of affirmation and love eventually wear off, leaving only hollowness and emptiness.

It is the point of this chapter that relationships go awry because people are awry. The mission for change is simple: fix the people, the culture will follow. But to fix the people, individual Christians must begin to take personal responsibility for their problems and seek holiness with a zeal and enthusiasm they have never before known. Grace isn’t cheap and sanctification isn’t easy. If Christians are to navigate romance well, it is crucial that they begin opening themselves to the working of God in their own hearts and discover a new basis for their lives. It is to the exploration of this new reality that we turn next.