Just as your child needs to be loved, so do you. While I have talked primarily about meeting the child’s need for love, I am keenly aware that the single parent is also a creature of need. In The Five Love Languages of Children I mention the need for single parents to address their own needs to love:

While a child is working through the emotions of guilt, fear, anger, and insecurity, one or both parents are also working through similar emotions. The mother who has been abandoned by a husband may have [feelings of rejection and anger]; the mother who forced a physically abusive spouse to leave now struggles with her own feelings of hurt and loneliness. A single parent’s emotional need for love is just as real as anyone else’s need. Because that need cannot be met by the former spouse or by the child, the single parent often reaches out to friends. This is an effective way to begin to have your love tank filled.

[However], the single parent at this point is extremely vulnerable to members of the opposite sex who may take advantage in a time of weakness. Because the single parent so desperately needs love, there is grave danger in accepting that love from someone who will take advantage sexually, financially, or emotionally. It is extremely important that the newly single parent be very selective in making new friends. The safest source of love is from long-term friends or members of the extended family. A single parent who tries to satisfy the need for love in an irresponsible manner can end up with tragedy upon tragedy.

If you have experienced divorce or death of a spouse, give yourself time to grieve and heal. As often as possible, talk to extended family and friends. Talking about your hurt, anger, frustration, and struggles is the fastest way to process grief. Take advantage of classes offered by local churches or community agencies that focus on single parents.

Working through your own struggles in a positive way is a powerful example for your children. Psychologists Sherill and Prudence Tippins have said, “The best gift you can give your child is your own emotional, physical, spiritual, and intellectual health.” As painful as it may seem to admit, the truth is that you may be a single parent for many years. During this time, long or short, you will want to give your children an example of integrity and responsibility that can be a model for them in their journey to responsible adulthood. Hopefully, understanding the five love languages will help you reach that objective.

and you?
•    As a single parent, how do you meet your own emotional need for love? Who are the significant people in your life (family or friends) to whom you could turn for emotional support? Perhaps you could begin by expressing appreciation to them for the role they have played in your life. Later make a specific request for their help.
•    Are you a part of a single parent class in your church or community? If not, whom could you contact to find out about such a class? If you cannot find such a class, perhaps you could start a class for single parents.