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Guys – you have all been there: minding your own business; content in the quiet solitude of a lazy Sunday afternoon. And then, out of nowhere, a bomb is dropped, catching you completely off-guard. Your lady breaks the peaceful silence by leaning over and asking, “What are you thinking?” Now – in my experience – the correct answer is: “Oh, just about how lucky I am to have you.” However, (and ladies please take note of this) the truthful answer is: “Nothing. I wasn’t thinking about anything. I was staring at my empty beer can wishing it was a fresh cold one. That is all.” The truth is not always what women are looking for; men either for that matter. There are times in a relationship when all a person wants is a little reassurance.
 “You’re happy we are together, right?” This round-a-bout, undercover line of questioning used to bother me – but I have realized that men can be just as devious. Men seek out reassurance too. I don’t just want a girl that doesn’t care she is taller than me when she wears heels. I want a girl who will tell me she doesn’t care that she is taller than me. I want a girl who will, from time, to time mention how cute it is that a Seattle Public School teacher’s salary caps off at about $50,000 a year. And, when I don’t get those reassurances I find myself asking even more ridiculous questions than, “What are you thinking?” I will fish all day long until I hear the words that calm my stress and relieve my anxiety: “I’m happy we are together.” You see – as different as men and women are – we are all humans. And that fact alone means that at the core, we all crave the same thing. Reassurance from our significant other. We all want to know that who we are, how we act, and what we say is endearing. We crave the security that comes from a loved one accepting us just the way we are. So as much as I hate being asked what I am thinking when I really don’t have a single thought in my head, I will respond appropriately, knowing that a simple phrase can change a persons day. However – since I am willing to decode the question and provide the reassurance – the least she could do is grab me another beer from the fridge. |
Comments
I always thought that when a woman asks, "What are you thinking?" she is really asking, "Do you think I look fat in this dress?" If that's the case, then a better answer than "I was thinking about how lucky I am to have you"--which is kind of "me" centered and doesn't really offer any assurance to your date that indeed she is looking fine--would be, "Baby, I was just thinking about how fine you look in that __________ (fill in the blank)." And if you can do that in a kind of Barry White voice while winking and extending your index finger in her direction, then I think you pretty much will change her day.
Stan,
I appreciate the advice. However.....
Saying "Baby, I was just thinking about how fine you look in that dress" is more likely to get me kicked than kissed.
Compliments like that have to be well crafted these days so that they don't come off sounding crude or chauvinistic.
Just another example of why dating is so tricky these days.
In my own defense, I was trying (rather poorly) to be slightly funny. I actually had Cedric the Entertainer in mind when I was thinking about how to deliver the line (the voice, the hand gesture). You're exactly right, though, about the times in which you daters live. They are fraught with potential peril. Maybe every guy should think about what he would say to Hillary Clinton if he were on a date with her and she asked him, "What are you thinking about?" For sure he would never use the word "baby," and he would definitely not say, "You sure look fine in that dress." Instead he would be more likely to say something like, "I was just thinking about how weird it would be for you to be the leader of the free world."
That's hilarious!
I just wanted you to know how much I enjoy reading your posts. You definitely have your dad's sense of humor! And getting to observe your and Stan's exchange over the befuddlement caused by women is hilarious.
Keep up the good work!
peter has been enjoying your blog, so he passed it along, and of course it cannot help but be enjoyed. i have been thinking a lot about one of your posts, and will someday post my unnecessarily long thoughts on it, but in the mean time, i just wanted to say, that every time i have asked that question, this why: it is normally when all of the sudden i find myself thinking something that seems clever, maybe even bordering on deep, and i really want the person to ask me what i'm thinking so they can know just how clever i am! I think though that only lasts for so long and then you just start saying "listen to my great thoughts…." because you hope at some point that that person thinks your thoughts are great.
so maybe it is still about reassurance, but i kind of think it is about wanting to be discovered during the rare moments we actually have something revealing, enlightening, or maybe even witty to say.