As I sit here and reflect on manhood and masculinity, I’m bothered once again by the double standard we still painfully have in our American society. What double standard you ask? Well, the one that says almost any man can have as much sex as he wants to and is considered a “stud;” shoot, there are even other men who might want to take classes from him. But when a woman has that same amount of sex or less, she is considered a “slut,” “whore,” and/or even a “bitch.” Even worse, that label sticks with her for almost a lifetime and unless she has a real integrated identity and knows herself well, that label can do disastrous things to the self-image, her social context, and even career.

Where might this even apply? Well, this week I watched Tiger Woods basically “come back. ” He had his news conference seeming very contrite and open about what he had done. Woods appeared as though he had “learned” from his mistakes and was making a mense about the whole thing; while reports of his wife and pending divorce rumored around, Woods still seems confident about his game and life moving forward. Now, let me make it clear, I am not hating on Tiger, I think he has every right to be forgiven and “start over”…but so do women.

Let me go a step further, when this whole thing started with Tiger around Christmas of 2009, conversations arose that Tiger’s career was finished and or over. But, I stood clearly on the foundation that Tiger would return. In fact, I boldly told all of my students that, “Tiger will be back, he’s going to be ok.” Am I some psychic that knows the future? No, I simply understand the double standard for men and women, understand the dynamics of power/ fame/ wealth, and know all too well that this society has memory loss when it comes to overshadowing events like the winning of a championship game or great accomplishments. I also understand that gender performance is vastly different for men and women in this country and that women do not have it as easy as men do when it comes to “adultery” and or “infidelity.”

Tiger’s fame and power will help diminish what he did; add in another championship and we will have forgotten all about what he did. Just ask Kobe Bryant. Kobe had a similar “indiscretion” back in 2003—heck, his even went to court and he was facing some serious charges. He publicly made an apology with his wife by his side, went to trial, and for about a month or so had the public on his case for being a “cheater.” But wouldn’t you know it, Kobe’s damn near God on that basketball court, and just a few years later, won himself another championship…poof! Forgotten and forgiven!

Now, shouldn’t we forgive people and allow them to change? Of course. That is not my point here in all of this. My point is that women like Heidi Fleiss are shunned in society for doing some of the same things. If Tiger’s wife had done what he had done, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, her life would essentially be over, there would be a special on some talk show about “women who cheat,” and she would probably never live it down. Moreover, women like Madonna are looked at as bitchy and whores for having control over their sexuality and knowing where they stand with their sexuality. This is not about the forgiveness issue; I’m with you, everyone deserves that. But here in our society, we have set this double standard up where men can virtually get off the hook for their sexual transgressions (I guess I should say heterosexual men; gay men are a whole other issue), while women have to live with a lot of labels for life.

Again, do not hear me wrong, I do not think a man, or a woman stepping out on their spouse/ loved one is ever a good thing. That trust will never be the same and the person really is betraying their self in the whole situation. Moreover, the idea of “can that person ever be trusted” will roam the mind forever. No, it is not a good thing. My point here is socio-culturally speaking; sexism is a problem and women get the short end of the stick on this one.

I remember once I was watching a Tyra Banks Show on television. The rapper Chingy made an appearance one time. He came out and began to talk about his “sexual openness”—let’s just say—when he was on tour. To the applause of everyone—including Tyra—Chingy regaled us with his past and present lovers; many of them being “groupies.” Then Tyra asked him what he wanted in a woman and who he would like to date. Chingy, as if qued by the historical double standard itself, responded by saying he wanted a woman that was “pure” and had not been with many men; he wanted a woman who was honest and uncontaminated with a past; he wanted a “church girl” who was “good.” I sat there shocked as the audience erupted in applause along with the accompanied “Awww” from many. Once again, a woman would never be able to talk like this and receive the type of response Chingy did—moreover, she would be on a special Tyra show called “sex addicts” and being told she needed to “change her ways.”

This last month has seen quite a few men having their sexual transgression issues: Tiki Barber and Jesse James to name a few. What does this all mean? Well, that is a different article, but one thing is for sure, it sure is good to be a man!