My 11 year old son Ian and I went out to breakfast this morning before school. it was a last minute decision and it basically ensured that he would be a little late. Better mothers than I are more particular about this sort of thing, but I tend to be more liberal with out-to-breakfast mornings and mental health days then I probably should be.  

It was about 9:15 when we arrived at the attendance desk - 15 minutes late. Ian knew the drill. He grabbed the neon yellow late slip and began to fill it out. 

Name: Ian Dominguez Ball

Date: April 23, 2009

Time: 9:15

Reason for lateness... 

I laughed as Ian started to write. "He's sure to tell the truth," I told the attendance lady with a smile as Ian said slowly as he wrote each word, "we....went...out...to...breakfast."  Why not? We had gone out to breakfast. No need to pose. Or so I thought...

The woman leaned over, took the pen out of Ian's hand and crossed out what he'd written as she said in an overly concerned tone, "You can't write THAT. We don't have a code for that. Just say that you missed the bus."

Wait, I thought. Did this school employee just take a pen out of my son's hand, chastise him for telling the truth and then tell him to lie?"  Of course this was rhetorical, because she had, indeed, done just that.

"Well, there is no need to lie," I said to Ian. "So we will have to find a way to tell the truth that fits into one of the school codes." I could tell by the look in her eyes that the attendance aide got the message. The three of us stood silently together for a minute or two that seemed like an eternity. I was not sure how this would work itself out, but I had no intention of asking Ian to bend the truth.  "Just say you had to eat," she finally said, clearly annoyed.

"That sounds good," I responded, handing Ian the paper so he could finish filling it out. 

He went to class and I stepped out into the cool morning wondering how we can expect kids to be honest if they are taught by adults to tell lies of expediency. And, if they are taught to lie in elementary school, why are we surprised that they grow up to cheat in college or make underhanded decisions in boardrooms?  

That said, even as I write this I know there will be people who read this story thinking that I should just lighten up. Folks that don't share my view that mild lapses of honesty for the sake of expediency escalate over time. So, let's talk about it. How would you have handled this situation? Can you think of instances where you tell your kids to bend the truth in order to look good/avoid inconvenience?

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