Step 1:  Trust God.

Immediately, I fell on my knees, sought Him, and went back to church.  My sense of failure sent me there -- love, forgiveness, and restoration kept me there.

Step 2:  Find community.

Family support was key, as was friend support.  Stepping into community with fierce protectors, of me and my marriage, kept me strong.  And fighting.

Step 3:  Remain hopeful.  

I remained hopeful, first for our reconciliation.  Then, for my own restoration.

Step 4:  Be honest.

There was a period of time early on where I couldn’t share what was going on at home.  But hiding that anguish never felt healthy.  I needed to discuss how I felt to get to a new level of honesty about me, about us.

Step 5:  Don’t date.

New relationships exploited temptation to “compare”.  Besides, how healthy and fair would it have been to my new girlfriend?

Step 6:  Seek wise council.

I don’t know everything.  And, neither do my friends.  Divorce is emotional for everyone.  Friends and family wanted to protect me, keep me safe.  That served it’s purpose in restoration, but I also needed the calm voice of folks emotionally detached from the situation.  

Step 7:  Be sad, angry, joyful, happy, confused.

Often in the span of 5 minutes.  Don’t worry, it’s normal.  

*Certainly, I’d never wish my divorce on anyone.  And I suspect every divorce circumstance is different.  Your mileage may vary.