Kaysen, my eldest son is gifted with Asperger's Syndrome: he has special strengths that sing a delightful duet with special needs. His heart is not rebellious, but his behavior has often been misunderstood by those who don't have the privilege of observing his heart up close.

My thoughts in response to your question come from the experience of being perceived by others as the parent of a rebellious child. In the grocery store when Jonathan's brain is stuck on wanting to get back home by a certain (unrealistic) time, at the bowling alley when he melts down because the game is over and he didn't get a strike...I've even had relatives advise me that he, "just needs a good spanking."

My perspective may miss the mark of your question, and if so, feel free to discontinue reading.

In the beginning, I was surprised by the judgment in people's eyes. One flight attendant summed up the unspoken opinions of many when she stared at me and said, "WHO is the mom???" As though somehow all behavior in a child is controllable.

So I ache personally when I see a lack of mercy toward parents, from the young mom of the screaming infant on the plane to the mature professional whose twenty-something checks into rehab..

Personally, I've decided that my responses to Jonathan's behavior--for his sake--cannot alter in the public from the private. I've also decided that in every situation, I can affect the opinions of the teachable by demonstrating visibly heart-felt truths: I am so honored to be Jonathan's mom. He is more than the sum of his weaknesses. I will parent him from the inside out, not the outside in. He will know in every situation that I am proud to be his mom.

And over the years, that posture of always being proud of my son has either caused some who judge to pause or caused me to become love-blind to their stares.