So, it has now been almost 7 months of being unemployed (at least full-time employment).  Today, I am extremely discouraged.  Not only is it overcast and depressing outside, but my heart is heavy and overcast as well.

We are learning a lot here and honestly believe that God brought us here for some reason, but we are unsure of what.  I do know one thing.  He is breaking us down, and making us uncomfortable in the process.  I am not into discomfort.  I personally would much rather live life in all of my comforts and securities, with lots of ease.

But, alas, this is not what God has promised or even intended for us.  Instead, it seems he wants to stretch and grow us.  He is teaching me about my attitude, and that I need desperately to change it.  He is reminding me of his call on my life.  He is showing me that I have a propensity to always be looking on the other side of the fence in order to see the greener grass.  I am learning that I am bad at being satisfied where I am.  You know that phrase, “wherever you are, be all there”?  Yeah, I suck at that.

But earlier today, I was reminded of something.  I was reminded by my friend Tim, who wrote a blog on Exodus 17 that we need others.  Moses needed others to hold up his arms when they were tired.  He could not do it alone.  At a time like this, I am grateful to have others holding up my arms.  I am also desperately in need of the holding up.   Please, lift up my arms…

We don’t know what is next for us.  I recently had an interview for a job that would satisfy our physical needs, but we also wonder if this is the answer.  We still feel pulled toward ministry in some context, but we are not sure where we fit.  We have exhausted all possibilities here in Boise, and are now looking elsewhere, including back in Socal for jobs.

We wait and hope and trust, but are unsure and doubt and wonder.  I for one feel an intense pressure to provide for my family, and yet also feel like God has something up his sleeve.  But what if I am wrong?  We just watched “Night at the Museum” last night with our older girls.  In it, Ben Stiller gets a pep talk by Teddy Roosevelt (Robin Williams) saying that he (Ben Stiller) is great.  Stiller’s character asks “but what if I am just an ordinary guy who should get a job?”

What if I should just get a job?  (And as a side note, how can such a silly movie speak prophetically?)

These are the things I struggle with.  These are my ponderings.  “These are the days of our lives…”